1. BillyTheEchidna
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    BillyTheEchidna New Member

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    Bad sex in fiction

    Discussion in 'Erotica' started by BillyTheEchidna, Apr 16, 2016.

    Spasming muscles, groans, whispers, licked ears, sweat, bucking, otherwise central zones: if you hear those terms, you know you can be only be reading about one thing: the Bad Sex in Fiction Award, a prize established 23 years ago by the Literary Review.

    Each year since 1993, the Bad Sex in Fiction Award has honoured an author who has produced an outstandingly bad scene of sexual description in an otherwise good novel. The purpose of the prize is to draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction, and to discourage them. The prize is not intended to cover pornographic or expressly erotic literature.

    Here is a compilation of all the winning entries, featuring extracts of the very best bad sex in fiction. Enjoy!

    https://nothingintherulebook.com/2016/03/19/bad-sex-in-fiction-awards-the-connoisseurs-compendium/
     
  2. Feo Takahari
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    Feo Takahari Active Member

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    Gridiron seems a breed apart from the rest. Most of them are long and purple, but Gridiron just gets it over with and goes on to something else.
     
  3. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Some of these are quite funny, and it's not fair to label them 'bad' if they were intentionally humorous. We're seeing these out of context. I like the 'statisticians rejoice' one. I can't believe that was seriously intended to be 'good sex.'

    I think the lesson to take away from all this is to be 'real' when writing a sex scene. Don't be tempted to be too flowery and poetic, or too clever with euphemisms, or too detached from the act. Just keep it real. The physical stuff is real, and so are the feelings and thoughts of the people engaging in the sex. Try to capture these things, and beware of overly self-conscious language.

    Mind you, I'd try to stick to those principles when writing any scene. If your sex scenes read differently from the rest of your story, then you're probably needing to rethink your approach to them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2016
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  4. Feo Takahari
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    Feo Takahari Active Member

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    I see that in fanfic sometimes. The writers build up interesting characters, then sex starts and they become bland identical robots that engage in generic "sexy" acts, then after sex they become interesting characters again. It reminds me of the old complaint about JRPGs, where characters are interesting outside of combat and bland killing machines during combat.
     
  5. Oscar Leigh
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    Oscar Leigh Contributing Member

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    I'm not entirely sure what the problem with these are. I get some of them, but most seem only slightly off. And what decides "bad" sex scenes anyway? I'm not sure their criteria are fair. And @jannert what you said is making me think of this sex scene I wrote and the feedback I got on it. I feel inspired to go back to it.
     
  6. BillyTheEchidna
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    BillyTheEchidna New Member

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    Absolutely agree. I think it was the use of "gnomon" and "shadowy task" to refer to genitals which probably won it that year's "prize"
     
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  7. BillyTheEchidna
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    BillyTheEchidna New Member

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    A very fair point about the contextualisation of these scenes. Another important aspect is whether or not they work in terms of the narrative - do they advance it? Do they change the course of the plot? Part of the issue the Literary Review takes with these scenes, I believe, is that they think more often than not these sex scenes are included in "literary" fiction because the publishers think it will help the books sell; and there isn't actually any narrative purpose to the scene itself.
     
  8. matwoolf
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    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    I am a twat

    ...

    Literary ladies surrounded a table in the church hall. A pile of books waited on the table, and with pages turned at the relevant sections, the books were passed among the group, and on toward professor Crisp sat at his high bureau.

    'Ew, ghastly, hoh hoh...her niblets, hoh hoh.'

    'Rock steel cock-blaster...' [snort]

    'Impenetrable furnace of a frigid curtain, haw haw haw, hew contraire.'

    Suddenly the doors swung wide open and Gimenez, Colombian judge swaggered through air particles suspended in their fright. His thigh high leather boots barely contained a bulging musculature, and the groin strained in tight, black pantaloons.

    'Garden shuttlecock,' thought Dorothy.

    'Swingball,' said Samantha, and she gasped.

    ‘Allo, I am Gimenez del Roco de Silva, come to read da bad sexa, but you, ladies, call me Yim…’ he said.

    ‘Oh Yim,’ said Margaret, and she fluttered a palm way past page forty-seven.

    Images of Melvyn Bragg’s pencil faded from her memory. Morrissey’s mammaries were now but redundant flesh. Eyes crept over folios, examined Yim as he exercised, a novel held in his ample fist. He executed fifty one handed push-ups, and the scent of horse filled the hall tbc diet coke.
     
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  9. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I used to follow a LiveJournal dedicated to bad sex scenes. It was called 'weeping cock' after one particularly bad piece.

    But I'm with @jannert--I suspect, in context, most of these aren't aiming for sexy and erotic.
     
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  10. doggiedude
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    doggiedude Contributing Member

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    This is my idea of writing a sex scene...

    "The remainder of the evening involved much less talking. Ganesh didn’t seem impressed."

    (Ganesh is the family pet)
     
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  11. Oscar Leigh
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    Oscar Leigh Contributing Member

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    Ha, I love it! You seem to write a good deal of humourous material. Is that one of your preferred genres?
     
  12. doggiedude
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    doggiedude Contributing Member

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    I mostly read sci-fi & fantasy that doesn't feel like I'm playing D&D.
    I think I just naturally insert snarky comments into my material I don't think I could write a long comedy piece. I would end up with too many jokes that miss
     
  13. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Mine is:

    A was inserted into B.
    A was removed from B
    A --> B.
    A <-- B.
    A --> B.
    A <-- B.
    A --> B.
    A <-- B.
    A --> B.
    A <-- B.
    A --> B.
    A <-- B.
    A --> B.
    A <-- B.
    A --> B.
    A <-- B.
    "Ooh," they said.
    Cigarettes were lit.
     
  14. Oscar Leigh
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    Oscar Leigh Contributing Member

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    Really? That's not what I remember you saying on my thread about my sex scene. I distinctly remember absolutely everyone emphasizing sensations and emotions as the most important part.
     
  15. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Are you saying my post doesn't achieve that? Because it's an excerpt from my novel.
     
  16. Oscar Leigh
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    Oscar Leigh Contributing Member

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    :D:D.
     
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  17. doggiedude
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    doggiedude Contributing Member

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    A shouldn't have been removed from B completely ... only pulled back a little.
    I still enjoyed the piece.

    (Lights a smoke)
     
  18. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    A's only an inch long. He struggles.
     
  19. Oscar Leigh
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    Oscar Leigh Contributing Member

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    :superlaugh::superlaugh::superlaugh::superlaugh::superlaugh: Stop it guys. You're gonna kill me.
     
  20. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Mad mobile sculpture!!! :superlaugh::superlaugh:

    Like, what!? :superlaugh:
     
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  21. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I think I've been doing it wrong. :(
     
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  22. doggiedude
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    doggiedude Contributing Member

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    My ex was like a sculpture in bed.
    A large granite unmoving one. With a dried out water fountain.
    and the arms were broken off
     
  23. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Mike, is that you?! It's been so long!
     
  24. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    It was funny till the last line - then it just sounded creepy. Like you broke her arms off. Or maybe you were having sex with someone who was actually not human but some kind of broken up doll :ohno:
     
  25. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    PLOT TWIST
     

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