He wouldn't get on the bus so I had to Pokémon but he fell under the wheels and duh, died horribly! I wish I had an all seeing eye
Poof! The All Seeing Eye is yours. It takes up your entire cerebral synaptic net in order to function and all other bodily functions cease. Your last All Seeing vision is of the lid of your coffin slowly closing. I wish I could speak and understand all human languages.
Woosh! You now can speak all 6500 languages! The human race entrusts you with communicating with the aliens of first contact but, oops, your gift only applies to humans and the aliens blow up the earth. I wish epic fantasy stories were real and people had adventures everyday.
Poof! Now everyone experiences all kinds of great adventures in their daily basis but, oops, human race suffers a great deal since all the biggest adventures always include a crazy villain who slaughters thousands of people and blows up cities for fun. Also, oops again, having adventures everyday will soon become boring and then it's just as exhausting to go and save the princess as it is now to wake up and go to work. "Hi John, what are you up today?" "Oh hello Mark, nothing much, some freak decided to blow up the White House and I gotta go and stop that. And I was supposed to have a day-off for once..." I wish I could climb buildings like it didn't even need any kind of upper body strength or training.
Poof! The vertical cliffs of skyscrapers no longer present you with the slightest difficulty. Welcome to your life as a tiny spider. I wish I had a pair of jeans that always had a hundred dollar bill in the pocket every time I reached inside.
After ten years with your new awesome jeans, the economy fails due to inflation, crime in your area skyrockets, and your pants are stolen. I wish I was the love child of Burt Gummer and Sarah Conner
Poof! Your life totally sucks because graboids and cyborgs are constantly trying to kill you. So, you off yourself with your dad's elephant gun that your militant mom taught you to shoot. I wish Gozer chose me.
Poof! Gozer the Gozarian has chosen you. You are the Gate Keeper. Unfortunately you failed to take into account that after the initial drama and crossing over through planes of reality, Gate Keeping is a suicidely dull affair. The whole of eternity next the Gate. Keeping it. Nothing else. I wish I could produce lightning from my hands like a Sith Lord.
Poof! You accidentally dismember yourself when getting a little too excited during alone time. I wish I were a cartoon
Poof! You're a cartoon. But due to the ratings, your show gets cancelled. And your character was never a fan favorite. I wish I had a suit.
Poof! Somebody files a plagiarism suit against you. Your writing career is over as soon as it began. I wish humans evolved to not have fingernails or toenails
Poof! We have naught but nubble-fingers. The inability to scratch the itches that plague a creature with bare skin distracts us once too often in the game of life. We never make it past ardipithecus ramidus. I wish I had no need to shave, ever.
You have no need to shave because you are living alone on a desert island. I wish I could see into the future.
Poof! The future, I fear, is yours to see, though grim such sights are sure to be. Malevolent action and darker deed. The more you warn, the less they'll heed. Plucked straight from the Devil's purse, I bless you with Cassandra's curse. I wish my internet were more reliable.
Poof! Night becomes day when eyelids are parted. Shadows made known, the dearly departed. The night is a place for goblin and ghoul where humans of flesh are fodder for gruel. You enter their realm, a virgin in soul. They welcome you kindly into their bowl. I wish poetry were more lucrative.
Poof! Thinner and thinner, the pounds waste away. From 3D to 2D, point B to point A. First Hawking then Kaku study your plight, Theories abandoned, no answer in sight. From 2D to 1D, a singular point. From 1D to No-D, and angels anoint. I wish I knew the origin of the universe
The knowledge grows, greater and greater The first cause, the singularity starter Now you know: but good luck sharing, infinity exploding kills most living. I wish I could control people's minds without them knowing. (EDIT: Feel free to critique my poetry - I don't write that way very often).
Poof! You are now the Hypno-toad. Controlled by a body snatcher. I wish I owned a fish store. P.S. I laughed until wine shot out of my nose. I am now posting in severe pain.
