Wish granted! Except you sell piranhas - feeding them is quite the problem because now you have no hands. I wish I had a monkey butler.
Poof! Your simian butler, dressed up in silk, is certainly from a different ilk than those in the forest, tree branch hand or dancing for pennies in a street urchin band. But dress him in silk and make much ado, you must still have a care for his hand-flung hot poo. I wish I could talk to my dog and she would understand me.
Poof! You and your dog can now communicate. Unfortunately, you realize that the Son of Sam killer was not crazy at all. Your dog convinces you to go on a killing spree. Evil canine . . . I wish I could meet my future wife today.
KAZAH!! Your doorbell rings, and you're left wondering how long you'll have to wait before marrying a trained bear will be legal. I wish that everybody could be nice to each other for a change.
Shabang! Sugar and spice and everything nice is now the word of the day. Every P, every Q, gesundheit, bless you, the sandbox is open for play. As we thank and we simper I cannot but whimper at what has come to pass. Our glasses of rose have pulled the door closed; we've lost our much needed ass. Now don't take offense to my rear-end reference; I guess what I'm trying to say, without good in the bad, to know what we've had, there's no point in the happy or gay. I wish I were a master class chef.
KAZAM!!! You're Gordon Ramsay, and everyone thinks you're a grade A tw*t. I wish that the lake I swim in had clearer water so that I could see the fish in it.
Poof! Your selfishness destroys the ecosystem. The sun scorches the vegetation and sunburns the fish through the crystal clear water. The kingfisher that was supposed to be eaten by the cat that was chased by the dog that ran into traffic that caused the car to swerve and kills the man who wants to kill you died of starvation and the scenario never played out and the man who wants to kill you is still coming for you. I wish Cindy Crawford's mole was on the right side of her mouth.
ABRACADABRA Cindy Crawford's mole has been transferred onto the right side of her mouth, but your conciousness has been transferred into it. I wish I could swim The Atlantic without stopping.
Poof! You are now the Great Moby Dick. Good luck with that Ahab character. I wish my houseguest was suddenly struck mute.
Good one!! POOF! Your house guest is struck mute. By a meteor that smashed through your roof. It isn't covered by your insurance! I wish I hadn't forgotten to buy pita bread, and didn't have to go back to the shops to get some.
POOF! You don't have to go the store to buy pita bread, because you now live in the store between aisle three and four. I wish my car didn't break down all the time.
SHAZAM!!!! Your car does not break down any more because all of its mechanical bits that actually move have disappeared. I wish that I'll get a whole lot of bidders for these car parts I'm going to list on ebay.
POOF!! (monotone) You do get a lot of bidders, but at the end of the transactions you end up getting scammed out of your last penny. My Wish: To go meet Lindsey Stirling and have a coffee date with her~
SHAZAM!! You're on a coffee date with Lindsey Stirling. But she's working on her next piece 'one woman duet for violin and flatulence', and insists on practicing all the way through. I wish that people would take more care of the environment.
POOF!! (monotone) People have begun to take a more proactive stance for the environment... by killing anyone caught handling 'harmful' substances and 'harming' the world in anyway. The deaths on the first day reached about 3 billion people worldwide. I wish that the internet would evolve into a virtual space where people - as data - could meet with other people across the globe, face-to-face.
KAZBAH! You are now a data-based being in a virtual space, meeting other people worldwide. But you have to stop every few minutes and wait while a certain well known intelligence agency makes a copy of your entire conciousness for its archives. I wish that 2 + 2 equalled 5.
ALAKAZAM!! All scientists, researchers and engineers of Earth convened and made the new formula - '2 + 2 = 5' - an established fact. However, it caused all existing calculations, equations and formulas to be invalid, plunging the world into an unprecedented era of intellectual darkness and chaos. I wish that animals can have a humanoid form.
KAZAWAPOW! You wake up in the morning with a hangover, and find you're not alone. It's a donkey! I wish that Elvis had not left the building.
BOOM! He blew up the building instead! I wish the cool technology in sci-fi and futuristic warfare books and movies was real.
WIZWAZAWOO!!! You have been assimilated into the Cyberman empire. [Your resistance was futile, in case you hadn't noticed] I wish that I could design really neat logos.
Chang-chang changity-chang shoo-bop! Logos for Pogo Sticks, Hula Hoops, Darts. A master of design, of form, of the arts. These are the things that you do, that you are. Better than all who came prior, by far. But the market is fickle, alas, it is true. Poor taste is in vogue; someone's replaced you. I wish my word processor would write via thought, not keystrokes.
SCHWALLYWASHA!!!!! Your word processor is writing your thoughts without you having to type on the keyboard. But, your wife was standing behind you and saw what was written. You're going to be sleeping on the sofa for a month! I wish all my work was done.
KOOO LING PAAAA! Your wish is granted, there are no more wishes. However, since there are no more wishes, your wish is undone retroactively, leaving you wishing the same thing over again, leading to an endless cycle of wish, rinse, and repeat. I wish that potatoes grew on trees!
