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  1. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    Being a genuine person in the world.

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by MatrixGravity, May 26, 2012.

    Hello everybody. I just briefly wanted to get this off my chest. I wasn't raised in the best household nor environment, but I've managed to grow up with good morals, and a good understanding of the world itself. I am a very genuine person, very sincere, and I wish to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth. I always tell it like it is. I have no hidden agenda or ulterior motives in my life. Whenever I meet a new person, I immediately allow them to see the true person that I am. I do not display any facade of some sort. I let them into my world, and show them who I am from the get-go. The problem is, this seems to be causing a problem for me. A large majority of people I meet don't seem to be very sincere or honest at all. I try and tolerate their flaws as much as I can but ultimately it becomes very difficult. So what am I supposed to do when everybody I meet seems to have something to hide and can't be trusted? Who can I honestly trust in a world filled with so much deception? I mean, I hate being this cautious about new encounters but I've just had many bad experiences in my life that have made me this type of person. Every new friend I make, I always suspect them of wrongdoings. I always feel like they will betray me any minute or go against my friendship. I just don't know why other people are like this. Why am I not like this? Why am I honest and sincere, and have no problem telling the truth and being a good person? Why can't others share these values? Why must their always be some sort of catch?

    Has society truly become this corrupted and tainted? I mean, everywhere I go, people seem to judge, criticize, lie, betray, deceive, point fingers, laugh. What the hell is going on nowadays? That's why I have only 1 friend right now. Because nobody I meet seems to be capable of sharing this profound understanding of the world that I do. Nobody seems willing to simply want to be real and true. Everybody has to step over somebody. I just pity those individuals who are like this.. I'm only 18 and I have this strong understanding of the world, and there are people older than me who can't perceive things the way I do.. Why is this? Or am I coming off as condescending here perhaps? If that's the case, I apologize. I just don't know how else to put it.
     
  2. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    I feel as if I need examples of the behavior that you're thinking of. Because my first thought is that I'm not going to unburden my soul and tell my every secret to someone that I just met. :) Are you sure that these people are being dishonest, or could it be more that they're just keeping some things to themselves?
     
  3. Fullmetal Xeno
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    Fullmetal Xeno Protector of Literature Contributor

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    Reading this has shown how much i can relate to. But the only difference that i have is that i have plenty of friends who are great people and mean no harm. (just like you!) I'm guessing your having a difficult time of making friends because of the mixture of people around you. Because sometimes the real world feels like a huge derpy place where the only thing that matters to people is their popularity and power. I've had people tell me i am a very popular kid, which is great if the quality is used correctly, but i still felt kinda... tainted. It's not that i have abused anybody or verbally hurt them. It's just because the word "popular" has been poised to be a cold-hearted or hurtful individual. Very rarely is it to find somebody who is humble about their great social quality, and the thought of only very few with such kindness is very shameful. I can relate to you greatly still, because i had almost nobody when it came to friends when i started my 2nd grade year. I was a very unknown person until the 6th grade. It's very odd that i redeemed plenty of success in middle school when it is highly considered one of the worst part of our life as a youth. The most blessed part of that is the fact i didn't even have to change my ways, i met people who were very accepting and kind-hearted. Such as you.

    If you feel like nobody likes you and feel very alone, let me tell you it will get better in college. Now i know i'm only 15 and it seems to be like i know squat about college, it's not true. I've noticed because of my sister. She never stops telling me how much better it gets for lonely people. Plus, she's not the only person that has proved this, my language arts teacher told my class a story about a boy who was extremely nerdy with no friends and almost everybody picked on him. She said he had so much potential in life, and he told her she was one of the few people who kept him going in life. Well it turns out she had kept in touch over the years and she noticed how much different he looked and everything. For being considered a nerd who was frowned upon and received no so social success has became somebody who has girls constantly noticing him and has changed into a nice-looking person. That was because he hanged in there, and by the time has was in the end of High School into college, he had become one of the most social and friendly people around in his campus.

    This story made me realize something. That it gets better. Since the fact that you're 18 and heading into college, i wanted to tell you this story because i thought it seemed fitting. I hope that once you step into college, you will find the utmost success in life and to achieve your life goals, along with an array of kind-hearted people who will never leave your side.

    Just remember how bad and bleak life seems to be, just hang in there. If you give it enough time by being yourself you will eventually find what you've been looking for all these years..
     
  4. CeeCee Murphy
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    CeeCee Murphy New Member

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    Matrix, in answer to your question about what the hell is going on nowadays, YES. As a whole, society has become this corrupt and tainted. The good news is, individuals haven't! The description you've given of your beliefs and values and the slight in-sight you offered to your outlook on life are to be commended and should definitely be emulated and set as a goal for others to achieve. Just because you hold honesty and truthfulness as important values, despite a not so peachy childhood - does not mean everyone will respond in kind. Seems most people don't now days, I agree, but that is their handicap, not yours! I think you may make better progress not expecting people to be honest, or dis-honest and when meeting people, work on being more observant of them - there's a lot of ways to get to know about someone without them ever speaking a word. Friends should be counted by their quality, not their quantity. While there are unhappy, mean, manipulative people in the world who use others and take advantage of them and pretend to be a friend only to see how much they can get, there are a few more like us, who value honesty and insist on promoting it and admire it in others...those few are generally the ones who build a life of true happiness and success. Based on the brief description of your experiences, I can see how you might feel defeated and mad at the world for being so full of jerks, but GENUINE people do still exist, so don't write us all off yet - You may get bilked, you may get taken and be deceived but I guarantee every experience will make you smarter, even smarter than you are now, as demonstrated by your thorough understanding of the world; and knowledge and ability to read people will enable you to decide who might be worth the effort of building a relationship with - and who might be the person just looking for whatever they can get and whom isn't worth your honestly offered friendship. GOOD LUCK and BEST WISHES!
     
  5. The Tourist
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    The Tourist Banned

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    I wish you lived locally, because I would love to be your mentor.

    First off, use what you know to write a book. Your life experiences will allow you incredible character development for a naive lead character, and the plot almost writes itself. I also assign my lead that same view of the world.

    Personally, I would add two things to our relationship as student and guru. First I would commiserate with your opinion on the world. Yikes, it's full of charlatans, posers and thieves.

    Second, I would then kick you in the keester. Nothing like a metal trimmed size eleven bike boot to get your attention.

    You don't owe anybody anything. I'm a baptized Christian. And yet I carry a handgun everyday loaded with hollowpoints. There's a distinct difference between compassion and being foolhardy. You are telegraphing to the world a host of personal weaknesses a predator would love to know.

    Congrats on being a person who cares about values. But in a den of thieves don't wear it on your sleeve. If you look like food, you will be eaten.
     
  6. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    welcome to the human race!... what you're describing is simply 'human nature' at its 'normal' less than best, mg... better get used to it, 'cause it's not gonna get any better... there will always be a few rare exceptions here and there, but the majority of human beings just are not your ideal role models, like it or not...

    which is why happiest being a hermit, even though i do what i can to be helpful to others online and via email... the less i have to do with humans in person, the better... can't figure out what i could be, since i have next to nothing in common with 'em...

    to me, being stuck in a human body, thus assumed to be one, is a source of embarrassment, nothin' to be proud of... i'd rather be an amoeba, but my request for adoption was turned down on the grounds of my belonging to a much too inferior species... :redface:
     
  7. koal4e
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    The fabric of society has changed greatly over the past few decades to one where people are becoming more about "Whats in it for me". While not everyone is this way and there are many wonderful people out there the trick is finding them and not letting your fingers get burnt by those who are just out for themselves.

    I am someone who is open and honest but also someone who allows time to let people in. You are like an onion, each layer unveils more about yourself. The centre will be your deepest, darkest secrets you wont tell anyone and the outer skin of here will be your family who you trust implicitly, the next skin your close friends...the very outer skin is the people we meet day to day and its important to know when to let a layer peel off for someone to get closer too you.
     
  8. MissRis
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    MissRis Contributing Member

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    I can feel your pain. I'm a very similar person, nice, polite, and moral. My parents raised me to wait my turn and say please and thank you, and sometimes it's like you're living on a different plane than other people. We live in a very "me-first" society.

    However, in addition to raising me with good manners my parents also used to tell me regularly to "Trust no one but your family, and even they'll screw you if they get the chance." I've had a few therapists tell me this is a very lonely way to live life, but frankly, people are going to use your secrets to hurt you. It's better to keep your cards to your chest until you find someone you can depend on. People will do whatever they need to move forward in life whether it's school, a job, or social life.
     
  9. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Matrix,

    Honestly you don't sound that "sincere" or that "good" to me. A good and sincere person does not judge. He accepts people and he inspires them to behave in a similar fashion.

    If you had said something like "Hi, I'm MatrixGravity. I don't actually know what a good person is (1), and I recognize that as a human being I possess my own share of faults, some of which I'm probably not even aware of (2). Therefore, all I can do is try my hardest to be what I think a good person is, though I will never know for sure if I ever am one, because of premises 1 and 2." Then, if you were for real, I might be impressed.

    I would go further and say that it is better to be a liar and a manipulator if you can get people to behave and be good by doing so, but that is an argument for another day.
     
  10. prettyprettyprettygood
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    prettyprettyprettygood Active Member

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    There always have been loads of dickheads in the world and there always will be, but there are also plenty of pleasant, decent people - why are you drawn to the former? I'm assuming here that you have actually had bad experiences with friends, rather than only with family.


    I see little point in lamenting the faults of others, far more productive (although more difficult) to focus on your own, especially in a case like this where it reads like you've made the same mistake multiple times. What is it that attracted you to the friends who have ended up hurting you? Why didn't you see the betrayal/lies coming? How can you avoid it happening again, without gimping your potential for a social life?


    My advice would be to get involved in some things that interest you; it's great for a friendship to start from a shared interest, and often people with interests in common will also have similar values, as well as a shared sense of humour and all the important fun stuff that friendships bring. Have some fun and just see what friendships develop over time.


    Also, I'd recommend reconsidering your stance that you have a superior understanding of the world to other people, and that your morals etc are spot-on - self-satisfaction isn't a charming quality, and it could prevent you from learning at an age when there is a hell of a lot more to learn.


    I like what The Tourist says about using your experiences for your writing - there's always an opportunity for a silver lining :)
     
  11. The Tourist
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    The Tourist Banned

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    Gee, now look who's judging. You got all of that from one post?

    Cheaters prove. If he's manipulating us, time will tell. Right now, he sounds legit.
     
  12. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    "A large majority of people I meet don't seem to be very sincere or honest at all. I try and tolerate their flaws as much as I can but ultimately it becomes very difficult. So what am I supposed to do when everybody I meet seems to have something to hide and can't be trusted? "

    Sounds like judging to me.

    And I can judge all I want, Tourist. Tis one of the perks of not claiming to be a good person.

    Ivory tower thinking is masturbatory and futile.
     
  13. The Tourist
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    The Tourist Banned

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    Well, I know that I'm a bad person. And having said that, he doesn't sound like any of my team members. He sounds like a harmless, messed up kid.
     
  14. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    We're all messed up in the head. That's just human nature.

    I run on a policy of "healthy dose of cynicism". I'm not that far down that I only see the worse in everyone, but I'm not going to instantly assume everyone I meet in real life automatically wants to be my friend. I watch how they act, and if they don't seem friendly, I don't approach them.

    And now I'm nurturing another policy: You treat me right, I treat you right. You treat me like shit, I treat you like shit. (and by shit, I mean I just ignore your very existance and brush you along like you're a noisy bug flying around me. I do not even make eye contact with you, if that's possible.)

    I know it's wrong to act that way, because, as I've always been taught, I should treat everyone, even jerks, like I'd want to be treated, but...why should I bother being kind to those who won't be kind in return? I'll save that kindness to people who actually deserve it.

    Jesus, I probably don't make any sense...

    Oy vey... D8 The world is a maddening place! Our race is, indeed, a mad race!
     
  15. BFGuru
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    I don't know. I think, and the OP can correct me if I'm wrong, is probably along the lines of what I am feeling. I am at a point where I wish my friendships would prioritize me the way I prioritize them. I wish they would give back even a quarter of what I give out. It's a lonely place in this world to feel like you are the only one vested in the relationship be it romantic or platonic. Feeling as though others are keeping themselves hidden from you plays into that. I did not take the OPs post as judgmental, but I did take it as lonely and somewhat despondent for what s/he would consider a true friend.
     
  16. gypsytrails
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    gypsytrails New Member

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    At the end of the day, society itself is flawed. It has been since before written history. Show me one recorded human society that did not exist without at least one of the flaws you have listed. So many people have asked the same questions in so many different ways that their is no one answer to any of them. Some say that honesty is often the only policy in which we should live our lives, others say it's every man for himself. At the rate technology has taken, our friends, tastes, hobbies, careers, and preferences - not mention any variety of other topics - change on an almost constant basis. In my opinion, if you're honest and true to yourself in your interactions, then everything else is just circumstantial. Don't ever compromise on who you are. If you believe that you need to be honest, sincere, and a good person to be happy about yourself, don't let anyone tell you to be otherwise. If people don't respond in kind, then move on. As I say to my friends when they have to deal with an unhappy human being: "At the end of the day, you will never be as miserable as that person is. Acknowledge the fact that they're a liar/jerk/hag/(insert description) and move on. They're miserable, you're not."
     
  17. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    I don't know if this came from getting older, or something else, but these days I _don't_ give out more than I get back - or at least, I don't raise the bid by more than a small fraction.

    At the beginning of a friendship, I assume that that friendship is a purely casual acquaintanceship, the kind where your friend/acquaintance is happy to have lunch with you if they don't have anything better to do, but is likely to cancel if something comes up. The kind where you neither offer, nor expect, a ride to the airport.

    I don't get emotionally invested in those friends. I don't give much, and I don't expect them to give much. I don't assume that every friendship is going to grow beyond that point. And I don't mean that this is a suspicious, angry, resentful caution. I mean that I enjoy the person, I like the person, but I don't impose expectations on the person or invite them to impose expectations on me.

    I might invite them to a movie - but it's a movie _I_ wanted to go to, and I assume that we're each buying our own ticket. I might recommend a book, or even loan them that book, but I expect it back - I don't go out and buy it for them as a surprise gift, as I might do for a close friend. I might alter my schedule by half an hour to give them a ride into town, but not if I wasn't going into town that day anyway. That sort of thing. I expect the give and take to be very, very close to equal. If they're not, I don't get grumpy because they don't give more; instead, I give less.

    If the friendship does start to grow, I let it grow gradually, and I don't advance ahead of the friend by more than one step. I do have a bad habit of waiting for the friend to take that step first, almost always, and that's not good. I have at least two friends, right now, who took that first step first and I'm stalling on following them there, and I don't admire myself for that. I suspect that they're people who could be very good friends. But they are, quite sensibly, staying that one step ahead and not moving further forward. I'll meet them there as soon as I figure out what my problem is.

    ChickenFreak
     
  18. BFGuru
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    BFGuru Active Member

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    This is what I do too CF. However, I'm learning that most people can only give back when you don't actually need them. Have a moment when you need them and suddenly all are gone. Perhaps I'm just grieving and that is magnifying my emotions, but even within matrimony I'm feeling this solitude. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me. And why I just posted this online is beyond me. Probably because it is more anonymous.
     
  19. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Oh, don't you worry Tourist. I already judged you quite a while ago... ;)

    At some point I might have saw being harmless as a prime requirement for being 'good', but now I'm not so sure. Sounds rather neutral if you ask me, neither good nor bad.
     
  20. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    If y'all can't play nice...
     
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