I thought the best way to introduce myself today may be through this piece/poem I wrote yesterday, which says a lot about me in a way. After the Fall by Kate Sen As I blink the ashes off my eyelids I gaze at the sun drenched ledge far above. And try to remember whether I jumped or fell from there or from the sky. And if I fell from up high, why am I not more sore? Just the soreness of a good workout after an effort well accomplished. Wings! I rediscover my wings. Am I a fallen angel then, a demon? And if so, does amnesia offer even a demon a chance at redemption, or will I be responsible for un-remembered evil deeds or acts undone. Hints of memories, flashbacks. I remember holding on to the steering wheel of life. The car driving me crazy to a destination unknown. Is this why I jumped? Desperate, hopeless, with nothing to loose but my mind which must have been already lost somewhere along the way. Lost, like that suitcase at the airport - my baggage going to a different destination, and my mind feeling lighter unencumbered, so I can finally choose my path. The destination does not matter, the path does. The never ending path with endless crossroads of choices made and undone, all leading me up to that ledge, my cross. Was I holding on to the comfort of that ledge till the end, the comfort of that fire consuming me from within, always burning, until thoughts of death became all consuming. What kills me always makes me stronger. Forged in the fire of desperate determination a new improved personality is resurrected. Who am I? I am the one who changes, a human phoenix, no longer depressed, but soaring and capable of being anyone I dare to be.
Welcome Kate. I blink ash from my eyelids too, sometimes. Comes with leaving a cigarette in my mouth, I guess.
