Like many writers, I tend to draw very heavily from events in my own life- whether that be simply to fill out a story with more convincing characters or drawing on real-life events to inspire my own fiction. I'm currently putting together a plan for a novel which draws almost entirely from recent events in my own life, to the extent that if it were published I would definitely want to keep it anonymous under a different pen-name and that if there was any threat of that anonymity being uncovered I don't think I would write it at all to avoid alienating myself from the other people involved. I don't know much at all about the publishing process- how easy would it be for a first-time writer to ensure total anonymity when trying to get a novel published?
I'm kind of a low key person anyway who doesn't do much to draw attention of myself, so I'm not too worried about fame.
You can slow down the process of people identifying you, and if you are lucky maybe prevent it. But you'd better be prepared for what will happen if word does get around. You should draw on your experience for inspiration, but change the characters and events so the don't correspond exactly to what really happened. Think hard about what is really important to the story and only keep that and shuffle the rest.
I've been writing for a while now, and have several shorts posted and published over the net and in magazines, and I work under a pseudonym. But it's personal choice. If you want to talk about your work, update people, or simply get a fan base all you have to do is find a new name, find Facebook and Twitter, and begin afresh. It's pretty easy to run a pseudonym along side your real life social networks. As far as the details go that would easily identify you, I'd find a few choice omissions, or liberties to take, that wouldn't make you the obvious author.
it's not a matter of the publishing process, but of today's inescapable transparency, thanks to the internet... sure, you can use a nom de plume, so only your agent and publisher will know your real name--to begin with... but first of all, if the events in your book would allow anyone who knows you to recognize you as the writer, your cover's blown... secondly, people talk... and writers like to talk about their work... so if you've told even one friend, family member, or romantic partner that you've been writing the book, it's inevitable that it will 'get out'... a secret once told is no longer a secret... the only time this can become a problem is if others recognize themselves in the story and don't like the fact that you wrote about them without their permission... this can result in at best, an injunction to stop the publication of the book and at worst, lawsuits that will break you financially... these are all very serious issues that you must give careful thought to, before you go any further...
