1. Juju Bagdasarian
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    Juju Bagdasarian Member

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    Bullying

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Juju Bagdasarian, Jun 5, 2013.

    I got in a conversation with a guy about bullies after saying that people have to fight back.
    I cant understand why to just sit there have a guy make fun of you and not do something about it i went more than once at the principles office when i was little about stuff like , it didnt matter to me whether the other guy was 7 feet tall or 5 when someone tried to make fun of me or hit me i would hit back. i never bullied anyone if i did it was by mistake i never meant to do it but i am pretty sure it never happened i also tried to help a bullie once when i was in second grade when i saw him crying i went to ask whats wrong he pulled my hair and hit me :/ i didnt have the chance to retaliate against him because he left school i still have a grudge on him everyone in my class does.
    Anyway i just want to ask what do you guys think about that is it ok to fight back or if you sit and take it , its a better strategy (i myself would go for the first)
     
  2. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    There is no easy answer. In principle, I agree, but our principles and the real-world are often only distantly related. We tell the skinny little guy to stand up to the gargantuan bully, and that will make him stop. What if it only enrages the bully to have his/her place in the social pecking order questioned?

    Like most social ills, I feel that bullying is only the symptom of a more primordial problem. It's a satellite issue orbiting a much large body of mass. Why is the bully a bully in the first place? What can be done to prevent the who dynamic from before it gets into motion?
     
  3. Myers
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    Myers Member

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    Its nice to think that if someone is bullied all they have to do is fight back and the bully will back off. Sometimes that can be the case. Other times the bully will just beat up the poor kid even worse than normal.

    I never suffered from bullying when I was at school but I think the best advice is to tell the teachers and hopefully they can sort it out. That's what I'll be telling my kids. But then again I wouldn't want my kids to turn out to be one of the ones that simply give in to what the bully says and ends up being humiliated every day at school, letting himself act the clown but others' amusement. Its hard to say, there's lots of different situations but I wouldn't simply judge someone for not fighting back. Bullying is a complicated issue and extremely stressful and painful for the person suffering.
     
  4. Juju Bagdasarian
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    Juju Bagdasarian Member

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    i agree with both of you i mean just because people stop bullying me that doesnt mean it will happen to everyone and there are many things to take under consderation when it come to why people bully. there is also the diffrence in culture i mean in Greece if you get bullied and fight back it gets you respect and not only by the people that saw you fight but by the bully himself. many times after a fight the next day the guy that i was fighting with whether i would get beat up or not :p we would shake hands and it was water under the bridge. as for the going to the teacher its really a good way to deal with the situation but it leaves a stigma on you, on the other hand you cant say to your son to get in a fight.
     
  5. Allan Paas
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    Allan Paas Contributing Member

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    Um... how about some punctuation? A little here and there isn't enough, not by far. Considering the fact that this is a writing forum, some things should be self-evident.
    I understand if someone isn't that good in English but this... really?
    It's painful to read it. Actually had to stop because of it.
     
  6. blackstar21595
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    blackstar21595 Contributing Member

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    I would fight back. Never let someone turn you into a victim.
     
  7. Macaberz
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    Macaberz Pay it forward Contributor

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    I have a little highschool story about bullying. There was a guy, he was rather tall and skinny, accompanied by the stereotypical two fat henchmen. I suffered a very mild form of bullying from them, actually he'd just sneer queer remarks at me and my friends (we were all older by the way so it was kind of ridiculous). We mostly ignored him and weren't bothered. One day however, I was waiting outside of class and he was sneering at some other random girl I'd never seen before. I guess that awakened the noble knight inside of me or something because before I knew it I'd grabbed the bully by his shirt and slammed him into the lockers. I think I pinned him there for a few seconds before letting go, I didn't even say anything. After that, he never ever bothered me or my friends again.

    Now I am not trying to be the hero here. What's funny about this story is that I didn't really stand up for myself (though to be honest, he wasn't the worst kind of bully at all), but when I saw someone else being bullied, I did stand up. Once again, I insist on downplaying the bully here, he made some stupid remarks and he did annoy me but I never felt tormented by what he said. So yea, perhaps this gives some insight into the dynamics between the bully and the bullied?
     
  8. Anthony Martin
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    Anthony Martin Active Member

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    I have found that the way one responds will determine how effective they are at disarming a bully. This includes remaining silent or ignoring the person. But one needs to respond, in my opinion.
     
  9. Trilby
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    Trilby Contributing Member Contributor

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    A lot of bullies have a gang of followers behind them - on their own they are, more often than not, cowards. It is not as easy as it sounds to stand up to someone one when they have six+ yes men behind them. Bullying can also take the form of; snide remarks, put downs and blatant lies about a victim.
    Bullying is not easy to deal with. It goes on in all forms of life, the school playground, the work place, families, you name it.
     
  10. Macaberz
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    Macaberz Pay it forward Contributor

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    Agreed, it's not an easy problem to fix. The cliche that bullies are often quite tormented themselves is, unfortunately, often true. Them bullying others is often a way of venting, gaining power over someone else, power that they may not have in their home situation. I can't really think of an effective way to combat that because it's so deeply buried inside the bullies that they will have to reflect deeply before they will realize what is truly going on and make a change for the better,
     
  11. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    I agree, and to that I would add, "And why is the problem so much more widespread than it was when I was a child?" (Back in the 1820s).

    That's a rhetorical question, BTW.
     
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  12. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Are you just gonna sit there and take that, Juju?!
     
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  13. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I think it should be mentioned that there's more than one kind of bully.

    I was bullied some when I was a kid. There was a group of boys who somehow concluded that my best friend and I were gay (I am, but he wasn't), and they attacked us as a group. We took it a few times, but it went too far and one time I kind of freaked out - a massive adrenaline rush hit me. I was a fairly big, strong kid back then (this was when I was about eleven or so), and the memory I have is of me throwing these guys around until they ran off. They never bothered us again.

    A later time (I'm not sure I was even twelve yet), there was a boy I was actually scared of - he was bigger than me and was mean to many other kids. He confronted me a few times without things coming to blows, but then one time I was out riding my bike and he caught up to me with a couple of his friends. They knocked me off my bike, and, after a few angry words, this boy punched me hard in the face. I went down, bleeding from the lip, and stayed there a few seconds. They were jeering at me at first, but then they stopped and just looked at me. I got to my feet, stared at the kid who punched me, but made no move to hit him back. I picked my bike back up and rode away, looking behind to make sure they weren't following.

    I was never bullied by that kid (or anyone else, for that matter) again. I don't know why he backed off, but I think (I hope!) he realized that when I didn't immediately get up and challenge him, that he'd pushed things too far. I hope he had second thoughts about bullying after that and gave it up. I like to think he had a conscience, and learned a lesson about NOT bullying from the fact that I didn't fight back.

    I have no idea if anyone else has had any similar experience. I keep hearing that if you let the bully win, he'll keep coming after you, but that was one bully who didn't. I wonder why.
     
  14. shadowwalker
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    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

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    There are some bullies you can fight; there are some bullies you can ignore; there are some you have to get the authorities involved with. The point, for me anyway, is to realize that you have a choice on how to deal with it. It's only when you let the bully decide for you that you become a victim.
     
  15. nevari
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    nevari Member

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    there are many answers.
    Parents answer : defend yourself (get suspended)
    school answer: always tell, because it isn't bullying unless there is a pattern.
    kids answer: Fear, anger, frustration, beat the fire out of the bully

    What is horrible, working in schools, is when a parent comes up cursing and throwing a fit.. and its the first time I've heard that the kid had been "bullied" I do not have ESP, psychic abilities etc.
    Then there is bullying in the work place.. can't rightly punch your co-worker when a bully situation comes up. As much as I would like to at times.
     
  16. Michael O
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    Michael O Contributing Member

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    Exercise and build strength, get dad to buy you a heavy punching bag and a timing bag. They really are a lot of fun and a great way to burn off frustration. Love that tack-uh-du sound of the timing bag. You'll be surprised what just a few weeks of this activity will produce. I would be surprised if the bullies ever picked on you as the years go by.

    If the bully is 7 feet tall...Take up track and learn to run really fast. :)
     
  17. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I lived on a woodlot when I was in high school, and one of my chores was cutting firewood. I was using chain saws and axes nearly every day. There is nothing that works out your frustrations better and more satisfyingly than hitting something as hard as you can with a nice heavy axe. We had axes, sledge hammers, mauls ... everything a growing boy needs! I became excellent at splitting logs. If I was angry with anybody, I pictured his face on the log, and with one swing, he was no more.

    I'm not that violent these days. I have no need to be.
     
  18. Juju Bagdasarian
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    Juju Bagdasarian Member

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    hahaha well i have forgotten how to use panctuation :D , and i hope he isnt trying to bully me because you know i am gonna get mad then and break stuff in my room like the nice Ikea lamp that i have, and scream at the screen '' you wan't a piece of me '' (i am kidding of course :D )

    I used to get in fights everyday i am not really scared more than once i fought with bigger guys, and i like have average height , weight nothing special about me. Once i punched a guy in the face because he pushed me away to cut in line and drink water i was in third grade then , he and his friend backed off after that. (they were fifth graders) the other time that i fought with a guy who was bigger than me it was this guy who kept making fun of me, one low kick and he was down but a teacher came and split us up. i won't lie, i was a pretty aggressive kid when i was young and i didn't like it when people looked down on me still don't but i never resort to violence anymore. The second guy i mentioned he is now one of my best frriends after we started playing yugioh together, 11 years have past since then and never fought again still play a Childrens card game to resolve our Diffrences though :D
     
  19. ProsonicLive
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    ProsonicLive Senior Member

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    Yes, we say that.but it is a stereotype. bullies come in all types. forgive me, but I am very passionate about this. If We were more scared of getting whopped once or twice for being rude, discourteous or mean. The law not there to protect our right to be jerks, maybe just maybe, just maybe, we could start to respect one another. But often times bullies are average size. So how fair is it to tell little jimmy to stand up for himself, but when little jimmy is the bully, where is the rights of the big guy...I have seen this. big guys get ISS or arrested just because they are larger. Not officially of course. But my point is that, within reason, retaliation is acceptable. but that comes with the added responsibility of the individual.
     
  20. TerraIncognita
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    TerraIncognita Aggressively Nice Person Contributor

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    It would be nice to say there's a set in stone response for all bullies. There really isn't. I was bullied a lot when I was in school. I usually just shut down or got upset. Neither one worked out well. Unfortunately knowing how best to deal with people like that tends to come with age and experience. Now I can handle bullies and trolls on the internet and in person just fine. For the most part I know when to say something or retaliate or ignore it. Some bullies will escalate their harassment if you ignore them or tell on them. When I was younger I figured telling on them wouldn't do much good and would make things worse because other people I knew had poor experiences with it. If I knew then what I know now and was the person I am now back then I think school would have been a lot easier for me socially speaking. But like I said it comes with age and experience..

    End of the day you have to learn to be secure in yourself and know how to defend yourself if the bullying becomes physical.
     
  21. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    I can't help but feel that this is a conversation I'm not party to as I was never bullied at school. Not seriously anyway, boys will be boys after all. And I did bully myself. I have found later in life, though, that dealing with people in a way that appeases everyone is the hardest thing to do, but it's what you should always aim for. Some people, though, do need a thumb in the nose before they can pay attention, some never do. In essence, my only contribution is that this is a much more complex issue than the victim might appreciate. For me the only people I bullied is because, I'll admit it, I didn't want to seem counter to what my friends were doing and I wanted to stay comfortable in the social group. I'm not proud of it, but nor am I defending myself either, it happened. Sometimes, victims are just the victims of circumstance.
     
  22. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    depends on what you mean by 'fight back'... i can't sanction/advise using physical force, as that can be dangerous and violence won't help the situation... reporting the bullying to someone in authority is the best course... but even that can cause the bully to retaliate and not every school official/teacher is good at handling the problem, so it's not always a solution...

    as a mother, if my child was bullied and the school staff didn't deal with the situation to my satisfaction, i'd try the school board and see if they could get the staff to adopt a no-bullying policy and suspend the bully.. i'd also try the bully's parents and see if something could be done from that end... if i had to keep my child home to avoid retaliation, i'd do so... and if none of that could get it stopped, i'd either find another school for my kid, or have to resort to home-schooling...
     
  23. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    There are born bullies and there are born victims. Bullies are not always big or stupid, especially girls--they can be very manipulative and clever little bitches. When I was at school you could always tell children in the class that were going to be bullied. They had a complete lack of self preservation and couldn't negotiate their way out of situations. I think maybe they should have some kind of course in being assertive and handling themselves, not having home schooling and then never learning how to get out of difficulties. A certain mental toughness and force of character is the only thing that stops you being bullied, but if you are--and I never was, nor were my children--fighting is sometimes the best answer, and learning how to defend yourself is useful. I was tiny but I once laid someone out for bullying my little brother. He never touched my brother again.
    There is bullying in the workplace too, it doesn't just disappear when we grow up, sadly.
     
  24. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    But one which bears thought. Why is it so much more prevalent? First we must ask, is it really, or is it just media focus? Did we simply place it under a different paradigm in the past? If it is really more widespread today then there must be a force or set of forces causing this. Has parenting changed? Has our view and permissiveness on certain behaviors allowed it to blossom. Have we spared the rod to often or is it that we've let the rod collect dust? I don't pretend to know the answer, but I'm willing to look for a source. :)

    I apologize if my imagery came off as a stereotype. That was not my intent. There can be not doubt that big guys can be the victims of malicious minds in small bodies. The intent of my post was not to focus on Big Guy = Bad, Little Guy = Good, but instead on the source of bullying, where it comes from and how it can be stemmed so that the bullied person need never deal with being bullied in the first place instead of having to ask how to deal with a bully.
     
  25. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Three things in particular jump out at me - bullying of girls, which was absolutely unknown in my own childhood, cyberbullying and suicides as a consequence. Two weeks ago, in the neighborhood in which I grew up, a 12-year-old girl hanged herself. Her suicide note cited cyperbullying as the cause.

    So, no, I don't think it's just a matter of media attention.
     

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