1. ethan jennings
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    ethan jennings New Member

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    Can I start a story with 'Once i had woken' ?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by ethan jennings, Jun 23, 2013.

    I'm writing a zombie story which Is in 1st person so if you can answer my question above please reply Thanks x
     
  2. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    If it's dialogue, the person can say anything.

    According to this random blogger who claims to have looked into it, ;) ,Wake, Woke, Awake, Awoken:
    The source cited in the cite is worth a look.
     
  3. ethan jennings
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    ethan jennings New Member

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    I really liked your reply it helped thanks GingerCoffee!x
     
  4. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Ginger and I have read your question differently, which only gives rise to the fact that you can be asking one of two different things, so...

    Are you a) asking as to the grammatical validity of your syntactic structure or are you b) asking if, regardless of grammar, this is a kind of line that might start off a story well?
     
  5. Rafiki
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    Rafiki Active Member

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    You can begin your story however the hell you want, though I'd recommend using an image. The first line of a work is the most important, it's through the lens of the opening sentence that all the rest of your work is judged. You have to be able to grab the audience's attention lest you find your story goes unread. Just ask yourself, 'does the story have to begin at the start of the day? Can I begin somewhere more interesting, with something more interesting?' Oftentimes early writers will begin with 'awakening' and end with sleeping, because they represent concrete beginnings and ends. I don't have a problem with this practice, I've just found that it lacks a certain punch.

    Good luck, and keep on keepin on.
     
  6. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    Hi Ethan, you may want to add a little bit about yourself in the new member's section. Include your age. This may help with the replies you get as some may be a little confusing. What happened your autobiography? Or are you the literary zombie :)
     
  7. huntsman40
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    huntsman40 Active Member

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    The simple answer is no. That is a dreadful sentence if you are intending that as the full opening line, and even if it isn't the completed sentence it is poorly constructed and lacks any real punch as a beginning to your story.

    Is your question about first-person or what tense you can use? Whatever the question that isn’t really a great sentence and I’d look at changing it. There are many ways you could have him waking up, or even being already awake that are more hard-hitting and better structured.

    Also, if you go with this route of starting with him waking up you are really using a bit of a cliché here. If you watched or read any of the Walking Dead series that is exactly how that starts as well.
     
  8. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    I wouldn't. Not only is it boring and awkward, but it plays right into the cliche of starting a story with a character waking up.
     
  9. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    I can see both ways the question can be read. I'm glad I'm not the only one who answered. :)
     
  10. CyberFD
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    CyberFD Member

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    Well, I just played into that cliche.

    I played into it real hard.
     
  11. TerraIncognita
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    TerraIncognita Aggressively Nice Person Contributor

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    Having a character waking up on the first line isn't a great way to draw the reader in. You want the first sentence to really draw the reader in.
     
  12. killbill
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    killbill Contributing Member

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    Char waking up and other mundane daily routines in the first para usually is a red flag for useless descriptions. However, in your case if you're writing from the zombie's perspective I'll be intrigued because zombies also sleep is news to me! But why use complicated sentence structure when you can simply write "I woke up and..."
     
  13. Alesia
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    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    I'd put some other info in first. I've only started ONE story with a character waking up and that was waking from a coma that was vital to the plot. Later on I actually ended up rewriting the scene and not having the MC wake up until about the third paragraph. Instead I started out by introducing the secondary protag (a doctor) who was standing there when the MC woke up and it looks alot better.
     
  14. Burlbird
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    Burlbird Contributing Member Contributor

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    Maybe it's not the greatest opening line... but please don't END your story with that line! Please, don't! :)
     
  15. ithestargazer
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    ithestargazer Active Member

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    I read the question as asking if the line was okay as a hook. My answer is that I wouldn't if I were you. I've read a lot of books that use this to begin new chapters and it's not the most exciting way to hook a reader. I'd go so far as to say it can be trite. You'd be surprised how quickly you can lose a reader.
     
  16. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    *groan*

    I'm dating myself, but the last episode of St. Elsewhere. Not exactly the same, but close enough...
     

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