1. Veo
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    Veo Member

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    Can Someone Help Me Describe This Scene?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Veo, Jul 4, 2014.

    Well, I'm new to English, and in my novel, I want to describe this scene:
    . Could someone please translate that one-minute video into a writing? I don't want you to do it at my place, but I really want to see how you would describe it (especially after 0:32).
    I find it hard to describe voice.

    Thank you for your support!
     
  2. Mans
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    Mans Contributing Member

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    I am not able to see the picture that you sent. If you are interested I participate in replying please use this upload website and send the picture again
    http://tinypic.com/

    Thank you
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2014
  3. Veo
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    Veo Member

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    Hello, sir.
    This is the link: youtube. com/watch?v=ymcen0EjmiU
    Actually, that is a video.

    Thank you.
     
  4. Mike Kobernus
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    Mike Kobernus Contributing Member

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    I really think that you should attempt your own description of the scene. Then you can post it here and we can provide some input on improving it. I know that you said that you do not want us to do it, "at your place" by which I assume you mean, in your place or for you. And yet, that is pretty much what you have asked.

    Write it, post it, and I, for one, will be happy to lend a hand.
     
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  5. Veo
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    Veo Member

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    Merida's horse was out of control. Branches were disturbing Merida. Anguas was running very fast. Suddenly, he halted and Merida fell. The horse went crazy; it was whining, slapping its feet to the ground. At her great surprise, Merida saw a giant circle of deformed stones. She and her horse, both silently amazed, were looking around, when a blue atmospheric light attracted her attention. A will-o'-the-wisp. She went toward it. It seemed like the wisp was calling her. When she was close enough to touch it, it disappeared. Then a bunch of them reappeared in form of a chain. Merida looked backward and invited Angus. No, Angus was scared. So Merida decided to proceed.

    This is definitely ridiculous. If you could just help me describe the blue wisp and his sound, I'd be very thankful!
     
  6. Mike Kobernus
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    Mike Kobernus Contributing Member

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    Alright, Veo. Since you had a crack at it, here is my interpretation of the above scene. Just a small part of it, anyway.

    In the distance an eerie blue light appeared, drifting gently. A noise, halfway between a song and a whisper, could be barely heard floating on the wind. It was as if the light was singing, thought Merida.
    She approached cautiously. It vanished, then almost immediately reappeared, leading her deeper into the gloom of the forest, away from the circle of stones. Merida turned her head and gestured to her steed to follow.
    "Come on, Angus," she said.
    The great warhorse pawed the ground and tossed his head in obvious agitation.
    "Angus!"
    The horse whinnied, but would not follow her.
    With a resigned shrug of her shoulders, Merida turned her back on him and slowly walked towards the light.
     
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  7. Veo
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    Veo Member

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    Thank you!!! I'd forgotten to be artistic!
     
  8. Mike Kobernus
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    Mike Kobernus Contributing Member

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    lol...Not too sure if the description is artistic.

    Plus, I did a bit more tell (rather than show) than I would normally like to do. For example, in the use of the words 'cautiously' and 'resigned' but I don't think it matters all that much.
     
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