For a very trivial problem in so far as it relates to human nature I ask the council of all those of whom it is a profession to research, asses and write, because you guys/gals no doubt have both the education and experience to enlighten me on such things. Suppose I had endeavored since the age I first touched a computer, for the creative and technological pleasure alone, to learn programming skills that would let me make games and programs and operating system. Supposed I became entirely obsessed with these ideas and daily fantasized about doing them, so much so that I paced back and forth when I was not permitted on the computer, and compulsively threw up and caught a tennis ball, or some other like object. Now suppose I had gone to school and been frightened by kids in my class who I was certain assayed multiple times to attack me. And suppose I had become so fearful that upon looking into the matter, the authorities at school believed neither my account nor the abundant circumstantial evidence, but believed those who were involved in it simply because they appeared good to them. Finally, suppose I had been transferred to a school geared toward psychological issues, hospitalized, discharged to a residential treatment facility, promoted through units, returned to the hospital because of what felt like a satanic attack, (in which I was made afraid of my own God, thinking I lost his grace), and restored to residency in last unit where I was, left fearfully anticipating every conceivable count down of common events, that upon reaching the last number I would be instantly damned. Yet suppose the Lord was with me through all of this, even though it seemed that He Himself had hated me, and through these things conjured in me a great ambition to go through college. Indeed, though I was attending a behavioral school with very low academic standards, they made me the Valedictorian, and offered me to write my own speech, in which I affirmed vigorously my ambition to attend a Christian college. But instead I attended a community college because all the supporting staff felt I was not prepared to maintain myself in such a far place. Now I focused diligently on my work for the first year, and though it were a small number of classes, I passed them all with no less than a B, fixed upon the career I had desired since my first days with a computer. Yet within me I had been very sad because of the separation between my own heart and the heart of some girl who I had never known, although throughout my life I had always assumed that certain girls were her, only to be utterly disenchanted and embittered in so much that I claimed they were evil. And every girl up to that time always had the reputation that we were not compatible, and from secondary sources I was accordingly warned and discouraged. Then in my second year, having completed the prerequisites for my first programming class, I delightfully began programming fundamentals. And at the end of the class, (I forget whether it was the first or the second) a student from another class was invited in by the professor, and I looked upon her with a skeptical eye, until I heard her voice and her enthusiasm for her computer related course. It was evident that she was not defective like me, and that she had a character not like me, but I felt that she was familiar to me, though I had not seen her ever before. And when I saw her again standing outside of the CIS building, I wanted to talk to her, but she went across the street to another building. After waiting several moments, I went across myself, thinking I was going to the same place where she was, but I returned and found her sitting in front of the building where we were originally. So among the dumb and vague impressions of what I thought to say to her, I only managed to ask her if she was waiting for someone. Now while were beginning to talk, I saw a vehicle pull up and understood that it was her ride. She got up, introduced herself and shook my hand, but despite all that she amazed me because she said, “It's okay. We'll talk next time.” Well, I believed her 100% percent, and waited until next time, but there was no next time. She only greeted me once after that, and once again after I greeted her. I supposed I must have erred severely in some way, because it then appeared that she was avoiding me. I thought perhaps that I had scared her, but I had only stood immobile and nervous whew I saw her. And fearing that she would think I was following her I went away from her. I did not know whether to go near her or to get away from her; I was very nervous. I once found myself in front of her vehicle as she was leaving the building; she stopped and looked at me, but then she quickly got in. I'm too tired to explain the rest of it, but when I get the strength I will continue. From what I just said, does anyone think anything of this? What do you have to say?