1. shadow tiger x
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    shadow tiger x Contributing Member

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    Can you HELP advise needed PLEASE

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by shadow tiger x, Nov 20, 2007.

    Hello all I am looking for some advise about what my sister should do she needs as much advise as she can so if you can help in any way please let me know.

    I just found out yesterday that my nephew who is only 6 is about to undertake a DNA test he calls my sisters husband dad although he is not his real dad but he does not know that. His real dad denied him from pregnancy and now 6 years later because he has to pay child support he wants a DNA test he had a chance of the DNA test when my nephew was only a baby but never turned up to the children’s court and the case was closed as him being the father and now my sister has to try and tell a 6 year old that her husband the person he calls dad that he is not really his dad my nephew is going to be heart broken to find out that my sisters husband is not his real dad. My sister is so stressed out at the moment and doesn’t know what to say or how to say it. My brother In-law is real upset because he thinks he is going to loose my nephew as a son because of it and doesn’t know what to do. My sister’s 2 older children a boy 16 and girl 14 love there brother and want to fight for him no matter what. My sister’s younger 2 children 3 and 4 don’t understand but see there family stressed and don’t know what to do other than be normal. Please if you have anything to say please feel free to tell me I want to try and help my sister anyway I can if I can.

    Thankyou
    Shadow tiger x
     
  2. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    Tell the little boy that he has to have some tests done. Assure him that his dad is always going to be his dad. Explain to him that another man is his father. But he isn't his dad.
    Or if your sister doesn't need the child support let it drop and no problem. If the test comes back that he is the father he could start demanding visiting rights and that would be a bigger stress issue than the lack of financial support.
    good luck. Children do understand lots more than we give them credit for. Explain things to him in a language he can understand.
    get in touch with a good lawyer who deals with family matters. A place to get the names of lawyers might be a shelter for battered women. They would at least be able to set you in the right direction.
     
  3. shadow tiger x
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    shadow tiger x Contributing Member

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    Thankyou lessa for your HELP it's really appreciated that you put your thoughts in and i will tell her, My sister will really appreciate it as i said she is in a bit of a pickle and needs as much advise as she can. Her family is supporting her in all the ways possible but it's hard we are 6 hour drive and a phone call away, We are heading upto her place tomorrow to spend time with her and the rest of the family to comphort them all. My sister called me today because we are so close and she was in tears and i could only say to her be strong and i feel bad because i can't really say much at the moment to help her other than what i have already said. As i said thankyou and i will tell her what ever advise i am given to try and help. It's a bit hard to tell her what she wants to hear from me as i have never been through and hope i never go through this myself.
     
  4. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    The real dad is the guy who is there every day for him, not the guy who spent a few minutes donating a splash of hinself for his own pleasure.

    After 6 years of non-involvement, I cannot see any likelihood that the biodad will be allowed to disrupt a happy, functional family unit. The only thing I can see him gaining from the DNA test is if it turns out to be negative, in which case he would be exempted from paying child support.
     
  5. shadow tiger x
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    shadow tiger x Contributing Member

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    Thankyou Cogito it's really appreciated and i know what you are saying and i think the same way buy is the courts going to see it that way if it ever goes that far my sister and her husband feel as though it will and they are scared about it.
     
  6. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    I would think that at the age of six a person isn't going to really realise what it means when they find out that he isn't their real dad. to be honest I wouldn't bother telling the child until he was older, unless the real father wants rights to see the child. But yea, just sit the child down and explain it to him; I don't think it will bother him much as he has always seen the other guy as dad.

    Heather
     
  7. shadow tiger x
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    shadow tiger x Contributing Member

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    Thankyou Heather your advise has been noted and i am telling her all this soon so thankyou it's appreciated.
     
  8. wordwizard
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    wordwizard Contributing Member

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    First of all remember that kids are very resilient. They bounce back very quickly.
    Second of all. Yes the boy may be very sad when he finds out, but maybe talk to a councelor about how to approach the subject. It is a very touchy one, that he may never forget. Like said before, kids can be very understanding, but this will be a very big change in the family. I think maybe sitting the whole family down and talking about it will be better. Rather than singling him out. Just a opinion though. Hope it all goes well.
     
  9. shadow tiger x
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    shadow tiger x Contributing Member

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    Thankyou wordwizard for your advise on this subject it's much appreciated.
     
  10. Kit
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    Kit Contributing Member Contributor

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    Wow, i'm not really sure what to say on the matter but be assured that you and your family have my best wishes and I hope that all this plays out in the best way that it can.

    Its a tricky age to deal with really and hard to judge a 6 year olds maturity. The thing to remember is that its always important to be honest. If you do manage to hide all this till he is older, then he may not understand that the intentions there were good. He needs to know, but he needs the subject approached gently.

    Like other people have said, he may be the child's biological father but biology doesn't make a real dad. Best of luck.
     

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