1. primalpeace
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    primalpeace Member

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    Can you review my idea?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by primalpeace, Feb 4, 2013.

    I have posted something similar to this before while I have not met the requirements. And to the largest of my knowledge I have met the requirements. Anyways... this is my idea:

    Idea:
    The people of the United States were forced to take shots after a vaccine has come out quickly for a plague that began to ravish the United States. Only a few thousand died. The vaccine had no side effects- but there was a undetectable computer chip in it which flowed into the bloodstream and went into the person's brain. This chip was made to use its own selective memory on the person to change what they think they saw. This is where it all starts.

    Timeline: (Made to understand the book)
    2020:The United States and China have been struggling to get along as technology has advanced and the United States has little use for China's exports to the United States. This hurt China's economy. *The United States cuts off all imports from China due to them becoming self-dependent. The United States begins to export items to China. The United States reaches a state of where it has the best economy worldwide.

    2022: The First Cyber War is the first war fought throughout the computer, it was between the countries China and the U.S. Neither side won. It caused much damages but no long term effects, lasting only about a year for China and two for the U.S. *The worst of the effects was that most of America had no access to the internet for two months.

    2025: The Ross Plague began at R.O.S.S Corporations Headquarters where their research and testings for a "miracle" cure to cancer. A virus was released and this led into a plague. The United States suffered approx. 6000-10000 deaths from direct effect of the plague. But R.O.S.S Corp. found a cure quickly and all around the United States the cure was given out, but this cure also contained a computer chip made by the U.S government. It was used to change a person's perspective and thoughts of things that happened in the United States, this was used to do tests and cause people to forget someone completely and think completely differently on things. It was very successful. *Later R.O.S.S Corp. found out that the virus was made and constructed by the United States government. R.O.S.S Corp. employees were bribed on what they know. A few thousand men and women lost their jobs. They were given at least ten thousand dollars each to not talk of what they know. Between now and the year 2030, three hundred of them have died from mostly unsolved murder cases.

    2026: The United States government has been rounding up teens using the chip, now nicknamed SMC.*(Selective Memory Chip) The government begins rounding up the healthy, and the unhealthy teens they can find and begin using them in experiments. They test them with biochemicals, new technological weapons such as long range stealth lasers, detector bullets, scanners, nuclear warfare, and radiation warfare. These are only the bad ones. Much other tests go on, getting better for the person or worst for them. Why do they use teens? Because they are starting to develop and have more potential. They are generally healthier and can be influenced greatly physically and mentally.(Note: this is not something too futuristic, lasers can be used in current warfare but they are not in mass production, the current ones have ranges of 750 miles and make absolutely no sound at all, detector bullets are currently known as possible, but they require a lot of money.) *The United States, after the mass production of the chips start looking for ways to make even more money to make up for what they lost.

    *2028: China has been in great dept, but they have been trying to make it seem like it is not obvious to their country to keep them all under control. The United States Government realizes this and uses them as a business partner. They decide to sell them the Virus they manufactured and the chips to China. China buys it for a few trillion dollars putting them greatly in dept. But they quickly make their money back by selling it to most of the countries worldwide. The information on the chips have never been revealed.

    2030: As Miller's chips malfunctions and is seen in a X-ray after breaking his collar bone. They take it out. It was to badly damaged for any information to be found. He begins to memorize slowly but surely his friends that he never knew before and his twin brother, that he saw being taken away and shot in the head as he tried to resist. He begins to questions his past view on his reality and everyone else's in the United States.

    *The main plot in this story is a revolution against the United States. It seems highly unlikely to happen in life. But things change fast, and we could be having a war anywhere in any country in a month and be completely fine with the country as we are now, but things can change fast.

    *New Technology and Discoveries:
    Data Chip (SMC)
    Paylight (Rare Earth Element that each atom of it has the potential to store over a million terabytes of memory. This was a big discovery and very few countries have the element of Paylight. This is all fiction, of course.)
    Retina Money (The United States no longer uses money, and keeps money on a persons DNA. It's information is based on a Retina scan. To store all this data the United States used Paylight to keep in information stored. It is virtually un-hackable. You can give money with a DATA Wrist. It is given free by the schools of the United States, and given at banks for a cheap price. All bankers got a new job to keep the data on check.)
    DATA Wrist - A.K.A the DT Wrist (Object you put on your wrist and you can pay people with it, check your balance, write notes, set alarms, get information on the internet, and many other things.)

    Setting:
    2030
    Fresno, California

    *United States population: 870 million

    FAQ:
    Q. Where does China come in?
    A. China came in for a incentive for the United States government to use more extreme measures to fight back for their countries.

    *Q. How does the population of America increase so much?
    A. After many reforms making the United States a greater country then it already is, the United States getting the best economy worldwide, and the virus being in just about every country worldwide, many people immigrated to the United States.

    *Q. How does the data chip know which direction it is going and where to stop?
    A. It is inserted into the arm and it follows the bloodstream all the way to the brain, it checks the speed of the blood stream and calculates where to stop. It uses Paylight to get the information on when and where to stop.

    Personal Opinions:
    In my first Idea it was just round them up and kill them to control the population, but in the end very little people are truly evil at heart and would do something like that. People like Hitler and Osama Bin Laden did bad things, but they most likely have thought they were doing what was right. This is the idea that this novel will take place. I am planning throughout this book to add new laws and add new amendments to the constitution to change everything and be making it more dangerious
     
  2. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    No. Ideas mean nothing. A great idea can be ruined by a poor execution, and a good writer can make the most humdrum story idea sizzle.

    Furthermore,the Reviewing forum is for discussing the art and strategies of critiquing, not to request critiques.

    Finally, from the site rules:
     
  3. TrailerParkInferno
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    TrailerParkInferno New Member

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    I like it, but it does seem a little complicated. You might really struggle getting it to work, and it could be very difficult for you to pull it off. I'd be interested in reading it when its done or whatever little you have completed now though.
     
  4. shepnic
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    shepnic New Member

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    I have mentioned a few times before that having an idea for a TV or film is like having an idea for a painting. I could tell you that I had an idea of a painting that had a woman sitting down and smiling or a vase of sunflowers. However, artists aren't famous because of what they talk about, they paint.

    I have a number of parked ideas and I'm here to learn how to do that (write, not paint!). It would be good if you can create something and share it on here soon as the idea has some legs.
     
  5. Yoshiko
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    Yoshiko Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well, you've got my attention. I'd at least read the excerpt if I saw it listed on Amazon.
     
  6. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    If we told you we didn't like it, would you write it anyway?
     
  7. redreversed
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    redreversed Active Member

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    He isn't asking if his idea would work as a book. He's asking if you find the idea interesting. There's a difference.
     
  8. mrieder79
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    mrieder79 Not a ground squirrel

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    These are certainly very interesting ideas. I find them compelling and would provide an interesting set up for a story. It seems that what you have outlined is little more than a brackground in which a story could happen. As such, I find it interesting. Writing a story with all these events in it would be rather large in scope.
     
  9. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Not a lot of difference, if you ask me. But, even if there is, my question remains - if we all say we don't find it interesting, does that change the writer's mind about pursuing the story?

    It shouldn't. I think every idea in which a writer invests time and emotional energy deserves to be sketched out (which the OP has done), and if the writer still likes it, deserves to be written. And if someone says he doesn't like it, then so what? As I've posted before, novice writers need to have thicker skin than that.

    And, yes, I get that young writers sometimes need encouragement. [MENTION=52166]primalpeace[/MENTION] has already gotten some. Young writers also need to understand how much they need to believe in their own work if they are going to see a project through to completion, and that means at some point stopping needing encouragement. Hence, my question.
     
  10. redreversed
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    redreversed Active Member

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    The reply wasn't really aimed at you, but more at people who were saying that its all about how you write it and not about the idea.
    While that is mostly true, its not what he asked for.

    I do agree mostly with what you said though.
     
  11. Motley
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    Motley Active Member

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    I think it's an interesting idea.

    This bothered me though. No microscopic chip that flows through the blood stream into the brain and somehow binds with neurons is going to show up on a bone x-ray machine... unless I missed something in your telling.
     

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