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How bad is it?

  1. What are you talking about? I think it's good.

    0 vote(s)
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  2. Needs a little editing, but not a bad start.

    100.0%
  3. It needs alot of editing done if you ever want this to be considered a good "Christmas story".

    0 vote(s)
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  4. My eyes they burn! (This just means I should scrap the idea and start fresh)

    0 vote(s)
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  1. theoriginalmonsterman
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    theoriginalmonsterman Pickle Contest Administrator Contributor

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    Christmas Story Plot...

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by theoriginalmonsterman, Dec 8, 2014.

    So I've been wanting to write a Christmas story for sometime now, and I guess now is a better time than ever ._.

    I already have a rough idea, but when I say rough I mean really rough. Actually this is probably the worst plot I've ever come up with, so bare with me.

    Obviously I'm looking for some constructive feedback, so hit me with everything good and bad (especially the bad).

    The reason I'm going off by saying the plot is bad is due to me already discussing it with my father, but the thing is I can never take what he says seriously. Anyways here's the plot:

    Lenard Walker is the owner of “Knicks and Knacks” a company that distributes plastic toys such as sleds across the country. Lenard isn’t a bad man, but he’s seen this way due to his tendency to avoid direct conversations with people in public. The paparazzo also doesn’t help with his reputation due to tabloids constantly bashing him whenever they get a chance to snap a few photos of him.

    The worst time of year for Lenard is around Christmas. You see just like any other wealthy business man Lenard has his own strategy for keeping his business from going bankrupt. His strategy is that Lenard only has a specific selection of stores he will ship his toys to. These stores will sell his toys and then send a percentage of the money back to Lenard. Lenard then is able to pay his employees a fair share of the profit, and is also able to keep just enough money to maintain his own lifestyle.

    Overall everyone is happy; the toy stores, employees, and Lenard. The problem with his strategy though is for it to work he isn’t able to spare any money, so he can’t get involved with charities which give the paparazzi an excellent chance to bash him even more. Lenard knows well that he isn’t avoiding charities out of selfishness, but to keep his company afloat.

    A problem arises though this Christmas when Lenard gets into an argument against a charity that won’t stop bugging him to donate money. The flame war goes viral, and people begin to stop buying Lenard’s toys; losing hope Lenard let’s everyone off a week earlier for vacation than he typically does. Lenard struggles to resolve the problem with the charity, but things don’t look good for him. That is until he meets a young homeless boy named William one night when an intense ice storm has brought William to Lenard’s door.

    Allowing William to spend a night at his house Lenard soon bonds with William and the two become good friends. William one day then overhears Lenard talking on the phone to one of his associates about the business’s struggles. William afterwards then decides to help Lenard realizing that he isn’t such as bad as the tabloids say he is. The two begin to work hard together to build the company’s reputation back up, but when things begin to get better again a rival of Lenard’s Neel Hibachi hires the paparazzi to sabotage his reputation once more to try to finish off Lenard for good.

    Overcoming Hibachi through a series of trials where Lenard struggles and succeeds Lenard finally manages to get his company back on track just in time for Christmas. With business booming even more than it was before. With the extra money Lenard has he decides to donate the money to a charity William recommends to him. The final battle Lenard must now overcome is William. Lenard and William have become good friends, but Lenard is old and knows he won’t have the strength to raise William.

    Lenard finds a family to raise William, but William wants to stay with Lenard no matter what. Lenard wishes William could stay but he knows it’s for the best that he goes. After a long talk with William he manages to convince Williams it’s for the best. Before leaving for good Lenard promises William he can come back anytime. With his full of tears he waves as William drives off with his new family.

    Lenard goes inside to find a note lying on his table written by William. Lenard reads the note and smiles as snow begins to fall outside.


    Anyways there's the plot. In my eyes I thought it came out ok, but now overlooking it I'm not sure what to consider it.
     
  2. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    The core premise--why the public hates Lenard, how the kid helps him to make the public stop hating him--isn't covered in any detail. Without that, it's hard to judge the story. I realize that you say that they hate him because he doesn't talk much and doesn't donate much to charity, but that doesn't strike me as a sufficient reason.
     
    Mike Hill likes this.
  3. theoriginalmonsterman
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    theoriginalmonsterman Pickle Contest Administrator Contributor

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    Thus why I hate this plot.
     
  4. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    It's not necessarily a bad plot, it's just not fully a plot yet. It's some situations without sufficient plot to glue them together.
     
  5. Shadowfax
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    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

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    I know that this is a Christmas story, but I don't know if this is supposed to represent reality
     
  6. theoriginalmonsterman
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    theoriginalmonsterman Pickle Contest Administrator Contributor

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    I see what you mean by this. I went ahead and read over my plot again, and made a few improvements that I'll post in a little bit.

    I went back, and changed how that sounded. Hopefully when I get a chance to post the revisions you'll see what I meant.
     

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