1. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Cinderella Syndrome

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Wreybies, Oct 23, 2009.

    Ok, this might now be worthy of it's own thread, but....


    Ok, so we all know that Wrey-Wrey works from home. I can’t imagine that I am the only one who works from home here in the forum, so I’m hoping for some opinions outside of my own head

    My question is this:

    If you are a work from home kinda’ person, should all of the housework fall to you, given that you are at home?

    Sometimes, jokingly (but you can tell that there is a grain of seriousness) William will say things like:

    “Why can’t you do the laundry while you are working? You’re such a good translator, I hardly ever even see you taking notes! Your hands are free.”

    Or

    “Your little laptop desk is so small, it could fit into the bathroom for you to scrub the tub while you are working, no?”

    Or

    “The cord you have for your new headset is so long, you could totally reach into the living room and mop the floor.”


    What do you all think?
     
  2. Lavarian
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    Lavarian Contributing Member Contributor

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    Technically you could aways come back with "anything that could affect my work performance should be prohibited."

    Then hope he doesn't catch you on WF. :D
     
  3. Speedy
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    Speedy Contributing Member Contributor

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    When I was working with a film crew I used to edit from home (On the road for a month than be at home for up to three/four months)

    Everyone is difference (depending on personality and relationship wise)

    My girlfriend works (IF I include travel time) 6am till 9pm

    So I make sure I do 90% of the chores (Washing up, washing/hanging/putting away clothes, mopping floors, garbage, walking the dogs, dinner, making the bed - make sure everyone else keeps the house in a decent manner for I or my misses don’t have to see slope everywhere).

    Always because she works such long hours, when the weekend comes the last thing she wants, nor do I want, is for her to spend those two days off doing anything but relaxing (She supports me with a nice income).

    All she has to do is, iron (sorry, never will I do that) and make sure she and her daughter cleans up after themselves.

    Now if she worked a 8am to 5pm job, than it would be different, i would not allow myself to worry so much about her lack of home time/relaxing.

    Edit - Wth that said, she wouldnt care if all i did was sratch my arse on the lounge all day. (Which is sad and scary).
     
  4. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    I don't work from home, but regardless of the situation, I think both partners should help with work around the house. It's not like your work is any less important than his because you happen to do it at home, and you're not the only one dirtying laundry or making messes...both of you should contribute to household chores.
     
  5. Ashleigh
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    Ashleigh Contributing Member Contributor

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    Quoted for truthicles.

    Next he'll be kneeling down to lee-lee and saying, 'You know, your tail is always wagging - you could tie a small mop to that and clean the floor whilst you have your chin tickled, no?' :p
     
  6. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Your work is something that requires your full attention when you are active, and you have to be active on the client's clock. That means you can't multitask on chores that cannot be set aside on literally a moment's notice.

    That may or may not exclude some cleaning chores, but it certainly makes far more sense to only do household chores when you are not on call, or can at least count on an uninterrupted period of time to complete a chore.

    The division of labor on household chores is something each couple needs to negotiate. But it almost sounds like William doesn't respect what you do as "real work." If that is the case, it's a problem you will need to hash out with him.
     
  7. Irish87
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    Irish87 Contributing Member

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    I work at home and I am absolutely absent from the time I start to the time I finish. Yes, I'm physically here, but mentally I am elsewhere. In turn, however, I don't ever mess anything up because I am so busy doing nothing. I'm sure this doesn't help you at all, but I live with a roommate whose messier than I am and doesn't care if the cereal bowls gather like some pagan temple.
     
  8. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    if your 'work' is not just a hobby, but contributes in equal measure to the family income, then the housework should be shared, regardless of where you do that work...

    however, since you can take a break whenever you want, and don't have to shave, shower, get dressed up and commute to a job--all of which adds to the hours your partner has to slave away for the common good--it would be only fair for you to take on the bigger half of the chores [the daily ones] and leave your better half those you can't do so easily, during or between computer-bound sessions... such as cleaning up after dinner and dusting/vacuuming, other weekly tasks he can do on weekends...
     
  9. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    This has come up in the past. Mainly to the tune of him trying to get my attention while I am interpreting and him not understanding why I get irate that he has just pulled me out of the zone and caused me to completely forget what was just said to me, which then makes me have to go back and ask for a repeat (which I detest doing because that is what hacks do, not awesome interpreters like me!)

    *whew*

    *deep breath. In with good, out with bad*

    My job is a difficult job to explain to people and interpreters on the whole are subject to a lot of, "Ok, so you speak two languages, so does every kid in Miami. How does that make you a professional?" Its hard to explain to people that the information passing through our mouths can at times be literally life or death. If I make a mistake in my translation for someone's dose of coumadin or insulin, I could actually cause the death of an innocent person.

    That's some real %$#@, yo!
     
  10. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    No, I cannot. The calls come to me just seconds after I hang up with the last call and I have to get the call within the first two rings.
     
  11. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Hey..okay this is my first post of the night and I just had to reply to this thread.

    When I am at "work", it is absolutely understood that I do nothing around the house...I am being paid to work my job, not clean my house, and there is plenty to keep me busy. I have little time away from my job. My brother is my employer and I guess I have some leeway with him. However, I feel guilty if I take advantage of him by doing house work.

    I am a single mom so I am the only one who does any actual cleaning. Mostly I work on cleaning after I clock out. Laundry os started before I ever log on to the computer in the mornings. John is almost 17 and believe me, he isn't much for housework, he will keep his room kinda clean. Hmm...There are times he will start supper for us though. He is a cool kid.

    My house isn't "perfectly" neat, but it is quite clean and lived in. I couldn't work from home if it wasn't. Looking around, I see several books on the coffee table. John's book bag is sitting on the floor by the door. Card decks are scattered on the computer desk. There are some things that don't always get perfectly tidied...the beds are one of those things. *blushes* But they are made up, throw pillows just aren't set out until the weekends. John and I do the dishes together, this is when we usually share the events of our day.

    Anyway, this is just my two cents.
     
  12. inkslinger
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    inkslinger Contributing Member

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    I don't know, I feel like the person working from home should do a larger percentage of the housework, to be perfectly honest. That's not to say ALL of it, just the large majority. I certainly don't think it should be 50/50. Maybe something like 70/30.
     
  13. Leaka
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    Leaka Creative Mettle

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    I'm not sure if I can fully contribute to this thread. But I'm homeschooled and therefore I'm home all the time. I'm given most of the chores because I'm home all the time. I think people expect that since you're home you have more time to the home and should keep up the home. And sometimes you do have more time and in that case some chores should be done. And sometimes you don't. Sorta depends on the project I say.
    But then again nothing in this world is fair. And I guess because it's unfair to both that it's fair. Your fairness is the unfairness of it.
     
  14. Gone Wishing
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    Gone Wishing Contributing Member

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    Buy him a portable stove and tell him he can now cook dinner while he's at work... >?

    :p
     
  15. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    ok, but the rest of what i said still makes sense...
     
  16. x_raichelle_x
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    x_raichelle_x Contributing Member

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    Wrey - you work very hard at your job, & just because it happens to be in the same place that you live, doesn't mean that it hasn't been as stressful / tiring / frustrating as it would be anywhere else. You should be able to spend your breaks and dinner times chilling out and taking five for yourself, the same way I expect William spends his breaks and dinners at work. When you finish, thats when it would be reasonable for him to expect you to do some work.
    You should be proud of your professional work ethic - & he should be proud of you too! I think that working at home it would be even harder to concentrate because you'd have distractions you wouldn't have in other work places.
    I'm proud of you =]
    xxx
     
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  17. NaCl
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    NaCl Contributing Member Contributor

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    This is ridiculous. It's not about who works harder or makes the most money or works at home versus elsewhere. It's about the infrastructure needed to run a "home". Make a list of EVERY individual task needed to run your home. Sit down with William and alternate putting each of your initials next to a task that you are willing to do. Do this until all tasks are assigned. Refuse to debate the "relative" income or location of your jobs.

    When my wife returned to the workforce after raising our children, we faced the same question of household responsibilities. We did the checklist thing above, and I ended up with all the outdoor activities while she chose the indoor chores. I chose to clean the cars, service the pool, cut the lawns, paint the house, clean the exterior windows, sweep the walks, remove leaves from the gutters, trim the bushes, rake up the leaves, organize our garage sale, paint interior rooms as needed and tend the organic garden. She cooks (except BBQ which is my specialty), cleans, replaces worn clothes/underwear, cleans interior windows, feeds pets, vacuums, makes beds, sews, organizes the pantry and she changes our granddaughter's diapers during babysitting (YUCK!).

    It's destructive to get into a pissing-in-the-wind contest over whose job is more important or even more suited to do housework. Household tasks are not linked to your occupation or income. They are mutual obligations that come with any committed "relationship". Otherwise, get your own apartments and visit each other when it's convenient.

    BTW - I hired a lawn service, a pool service and use a local automated car wash to "help" with my chores. She bitched about that not being "fair" until I asked her why she didn't hire a maid service...now she's happy. LOL
     
  18. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    Sound advice. I don't understand this "well, you work at home, so you should do more chores" idea...working at home doesn't make work any less stressful or any less important.
     
  19. Carmina
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    Carmina Contributing Member Contributor

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    Work is work, It doesn't matter where you are working from. You shouldn't be expected to work twice at once just because you are in proximity to the washer and drier. Your job is just as important as Williams and he needs to respect that.
     
  20. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    Wrey, I'm sorry that your partner is carrying on at you like that. From where I am sitting, it does look like he has a lack of respect.

    With Dan and I, he works, when he is called in to work as a relief teacher, and I am a stay at home mother as I can't work due to Ami's health and now my own. But, even on the days Dan does work, he still comes home and cooks the meals, cleans and helps to take care of the kids. Not just because I am not meant to be doing anything as of my pregnancy, but because he sees what I do as a full time job. Which being a parent is. He understands how hard I work during the day with the housework and the kids and so he does half the housework when he gets home from work, and days he isn't working, does as much as he can around the house.

    Ok, so you work from home, so you may not have a job that is as physically demanding as other jobs can be, it is still stressful, it is still a job and you work very hard. He has to understand that. I think that the best thing that you can do is to sit down with him and have a talk about it. Tell him that just because you are home, doesn't mean you have all the free time in the world on your hands. Explain why you don't have free time like he would assume. Don't get emotional, just talk rationally about it and I am sure that once you do, you can sort something out. Sometimes it is just a matter of getting things off your chest. A friend of mine had a similar problem with her partner and after a long discussion and her standing up for herself, he now helps her around the house quite a lot more.

    I hope that you can sort things out Wrey. Big hugs!
     
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  21. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    Sounds like William has a big issue with laziness (Bitching at you about the housework, not picking up spare electrical cords when you have a dog, leaving cabinets open, etc). Maybe you should make a log for a couple of days with all the chores you do and how long it takes while he's at work, and let him see what all is still unfinished. You may be at home, but you still work a job, and like you pointed out it takes a lot of mental effort that could be jeopardized by multitasking. --I worked with translators for the past ten days and would be super pissed if they were doing other things while on the job. I mean, cant you get fired for that? Maybe you should explain that to him.

    I will say that not having a commute might mean that you have a little more time, but not much to really count. An hour's more housework at most, right? Puerto Rico's tiny; his commute cant be that bad.

    I dont know... I've never lived with anyone else except my parents, so maybe it's more delicate than that; I'm sure he's a fantastic person, but he seems superlazy to me, and it would bug me to death if I were you to be picking up not only for the general mess that will always be created, your mess, and his too.

    Maybe you could say (politely), that you'd do more housework if he showed any respect for the living space at all. ;)
     

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