@Dnaiel - What I would do, if I were you, is give a more expanded version of the actual writing (maybe a few paragraphs either side as well as the troublesome part) to a few good friends of yours. Ask them to read it, then ask if they understand what's going on. (Number of speakers, who is speaking versus who is reacting, etc.) That'll give you a better idea of whether or not this is working. You could maybe prepare a few different setups and let them decide which one works best for them, given what you want them to 'get' from the scene. Writing is always divided into two parts, unless you are writing for your own eyes only. One part is what you mean to portray, the second part is what other people think you mean to portray. Pulling the two together is sometimes a challenge.
One last time: I said it didn't work for me. You said you disagreed, meaning that I was wrong about my own perceptions, that it did work for me and I just didn't realize it. Beyond that, I give up.
Saying I disagree with your perception does not mean your perception is wrong. It means I have a different perception. I was giving a conflicting opinion. I'm not sure why you'd think I was telling you your perception is wrong. That would be a ridiculous thing for anyone to say.
@Dnaiel - apologies if I came across as offensive. I might be staff, but am only human Thank you for taking the time to clarify. Well, good luck anyway!
I was thinking of The Kitchen Madonna the other day. Shame on me, I forgot it was one of Ms. Godden's. "Thank you, please!"
