1. Sf Gr3y
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    Sf Gr3y Member

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    Discussion in '"I never believed in hell"' started by Sf Gr3y, Dec 7, 2006.

    -|- Prelude -|-

    I never believed in hell. Little did I know, though, hell believed in me. Its inhabitants wanted me, sought me out for my power, and once they had me they did not intend to let go. My body became a vessel, a mere puppet in the eyes of Satan himself, and my control was taken away. I was always told you could never change your destiny, yet that fateful day inspired me to try.

    If you've ever lost anybody truly close to you, it is possible you could begin to fathom my pain. It's a pain that far surpasses death. In fact, if death was an option, I would have chosen it immediately, preferring it to what I was experiencing. I saw my family killed by my hands, hands I could not begin to control. Everything I believed in was tested, and my religion was lost to me entirely, at the clawed hands of Satan and the eternal torment he placed on my shoulders.

    The line between living and simply existing is broad. Even so, switching from one to the other can happen in the blink of an eye, leaving you hanging to life by a thread, praying that the agony will end. I have experienced all of this firsthand; I have dealt with the suffering, the despair and the hopelessness, yet I persevered for one reason, and one alone.

    Vengeance. The word was given new meaning to me, it became far more than just revenge. The endless quest to achieve it consumed me, and even after the demon had completed its work, leaving me as a shell of my former self, most would have believed it had never left. I pursued it with an unimaginable passion, neglecting the simple human needs of eating and sleeping, taking preference in the knowledge that I would have revenge, or I would die trying.

    Eventually, my journeys came to an end. I encountered my enemy, entering hell, returning to his evil master with news of success. I engaged him in a fierce battle, and eventually gained the upper hand, smiting the creature who had caused me such pain. Even after doing so, my desire for vengeance was far from sated. Hell was a few simple steps away, the hideous face of Satan within my grasp. I took the chance, regardless of the chances of failure, and entered his domain, intent on destroying he who had done the same to me.

    Writing this passage might well be the last thing I ever do, for hell is all around me, pressing down on my body with a fervor. The battles have been numerous, the rage indescribable, and the pain even more so. I accept it all stoically, as a small price to pay for the revenge I seek. Satan himself is my target, and I do not plan to fail.

    I have one simple message for you, but one that should not be taken lightly. Pray each night, to whoever you choose to believe in, that you do not fall prey to that which I have fought. If somehow you do, though, pray for death.

    A lot of people will tell you life is overrated. They'll tell you that hell is not its own place, that it’s a personification of the hatred all humans feel. If you’re ever told this, don’t listen. The speaker couldn’t be more wrong.

    -|- End of Prelude -|-


    -|- Part One -|-

    The nightmares have progressed, become something I cannot understand, nor predict. My life is now lived in fear of the night, when unconsciousness takes me, inevitably delivering me to them. You can only force yourself to stay awake for so long, only consume so much caffeine, before sleep becomes necessary for survival. It is during those short bouts of rest that I am consumed by the never-ending horrors, often awaking drenched in icy sweat, trying desperately to dispel the memories they instill in my mind.

    The lack of sleep plagues my waking hours as well. The psychological battle I’m engaged in denies me any delusions of a normal existence during the daylight, much less one when I sleep. I have neglected my family, my job and even my studies, preferring instead to dwell on my most recent nightmare, and try to figure a way out of it.

    So no, hell is not the personification of hatred, it's a mindset. It's the belief that happiness has eluded you forever, and that you are doomed to a life of eternal discomfort and sorrow. Hell is as much of a personification of hatred as your best friend, your dog or your elderly neighbor. Hell is waking up without someone you love beside you, to be alone and miserable until the end of your days. Hell is life, it is death, and it's everything in between.

    I have felt Satan's presence growing as I sleep, as he draws near to me. All I hope is that by somehow defeating him, the story will end, and peace will be restored to my mind. All I hope is that the memories fade away, and I'm left with the inner tranquility I so desire. All I hope is that I can win, for if I can't, I fear all is lost.

    So I enter the world of unconsciousness, intent on completing my quest for vengeance, intent on ending the hell that has entered my mind. So vaguely do I remember the day I thought hell did not exist.

    -|- Part Two -|-

    The trick to relieving myself from my hellish existence was sitting right in front of me the whole time. I'm astonished at how foolish I was, how simple it would have to extricate my being from its tangled web of misery and fear. All of the weeks of solitude, the time spent thinking of something complex, when the simplicity of the solution is almost comical. There she was, standing right in front of me, and I never would have guessed.

    The bright eyed, curly haired angel that was my daughter, coming into my room each day, attempting to comfort me. Not for a second did she doubt me, not my tears, nor my weakness. Yet not once did I return the gesture. Never did I squeeze her tight, let her convince me everything was okay. I know now that that was my greatest mistake of all. Her love just stood, quietly awaiting the moment of my realization that it, above anything else, was the ultimate path to my release. Now I have, and I hold her as often as I can, for as long as the gods will allow me.

    Together, the two of us form an unbreakable bond, one that only strengthens as our days grow shorter, despite the norm of society. I raise her, watch with admiration as she grows, and wish the world for her in all of her life. Of course, the day will come when I pass away, when I am forcefully taken from my daughter, the woman I have grown to love and respect, by the arms of the lord.

    At first I feared hell, feared beyond anything else that it would return when that fateful day came that the life left my body and made its last trip to heaven. I feared that the dreams would occur, bringing with them the paranoia and the pain. That was before I gathered my courage, learned that the woman standing before me would listen to anything I had to say, with a neutral mind and soothing advice. So I told her, I confessed my deepest fears to her, everything I had kept bottled up inside of me was released. It was then that I heard the most important thing I would ever hear.

    Hell, the entity I had grown to fear beyond death itself, was no more than the mindset I originally believed it to be. She told me her fears were the same, that even she was uncertain about what her life would be like when I was gone, if she could continue. Then, she told me what I so desperately needed to hear. However long our time apart would be, it was the memories that kept us going, the unconditional, undying love that kept hell from our doorstep.

    Life, she told me, was based around more than fear. It was the happiness that fulfilled us, the joy that sustained us, and the memories that lifted us up to our highest potential. With those in your mind, hell, in any form, was powerless against you.

    So yes, hell does exist, despite what you may choose to believe. However, hell is not a lair of fire, it's not a stronghold inhabited by sinners or the souls of the forgotten. Hell is not ruled over by a red-skinned demon with a pitchfork. Hell is life, it is death, and it's everything in between, if that's how you choose to look at it.
     
  2. Siggi
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    Siggi Member

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    That was friggen' awesome! Hello Amber:-D
     
  3. Sf Gr3y
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    Sf Gr3y Member

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    Heya Siggi, who invited you. :D
     
  4. Siggi
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    Siggi Member

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    I asked Torpy about it and got here. This place is so much bigger than TGP!
     
  5. Sf Gr3y
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    Sf Gr3y Member

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    Indeed it is. :cool:
     

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