Hi, Oooops! Just realised I got one wrong - Its the covers of this book are too far apart. Obviously the elevator didn't reach the top floor last night! Also, supposedly by Winston Churchill when accosted by a women one night. She: You Sir are drunk. (offended) He: And you Madam are ugly, but in the morning I shall be sober. Cheers.
Hi, Also, one that one of my colleagues spouts a lot. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugliness goes all the way through to the bone. (I had to reach fifty posts!) Cheers.
From one of my favorite forums, a regular poster used some of these lines. "What color is the sky in your world and how high of a dosage do you need before it turns blue again?" "Your sister should be intimately aware of the day you were born. I believe you call her 'mom'." I suddenly feel compelled to point out that contrary to what appears to be the popular belief in your area, paint thinner is not part of a complete breakfast. I should check local newspapers in northern BC to see if there were any cases of someone accidently drowning in the restroom of a McDonalds.
You could always try a a different language for characters to curse in or even a completely made up dialect. This was used in great effect in Firefly where characters would sometimes swear like sailors but did it chinese or nonsense words.
First person: 'Is there anything you can't fix?' Second person: 'No, except for stupidity.' I'm quoting this from TV.
You are the only person I know that has teeth their a---. You've got a face like a melted wellie. If wit was sh-- you'd be constipated. Who's daddy's your daddy? You are most unfortunate looking.
Actually this quote is said to have been said in the House of Commons in an exchange between Sir Winston Churchill and Bessie Braddock MP. There is another famous quote between these two, again in the House of Commons; Braddock -'Winston! If you were my husband I'd put poison in your coffee'. Churchill -'And if you were my wife Bessie, I'd drink it'.
That boy couldn't find his own ass with both hands, a road map and an air raid siren stuck in his butt. The vacuum between your ears is so great that I've lost ideas just standing in the same room with you. For a person of her hygiene, she doesn't steal as much as you might think. WHOA partner...time to stop fantasizing about humping the neighbor's dog and pay attention. *Calmly sits still, staring directly at someone who is irate, red faced and screaming obscenities at him...waiting for a pause, when he casually asks* Are you trying to come on to me? Talking to you is more fun than a root canal...but not much more fun. *without saying a word, Lothgar passively looks at the irate man screaming at him and while the angry man is in mid-sentence, Lothgar just grinds his cigarette out on the angry man's forehead and walks off.* NO SUDDEN MOVES...and what ever you do..DON'T get between her and the all you can eat buffet...someone might get hurt if she charges. I haven't had this much fun since they told me I was going to be on kidney dialysis for the rest of my life. *In a loud voice that REALLY carries* I couldn't help but notice all the scratching and digging you're doing in your crotch...YOU MUST HAVE CRABS! I know a sure fire way to get rid of YOUR CRABS...just shave all the hair off one side, set the hair on the other side on fire...and when all the crabs come running out, just stab them in the back with an ice pick. *secretly dials his own pager or cell phone...when the beeping goes off he causally turns it off and says* Excuse me. My geek detector just went off. Ah yes...still using your personality for birth control, I see. It appears to be working well for you. *Casually sizes up the street punk taking trash to him to impress his buddies in the background* You know...you're going to look awful damn silly when I drop your drawers and butt f**k you in front of all your friends. OMG! Did you just take a dump in your pants...GET AWAY FROM ME YOU NASTY BASTARD! ...And take that gawd awful stench with you. Most intelligent people recognize this as a tipping situation. Don't get me started, you know how I get...I should really be ashamed of myself...I swear, you can't take me anywhere in public these days...actually, I think you hanging around a schmuck like me really says something about your inability to judge character...you should work on that. Is that your ass or did you get rear-ended by a Chevy Blazer? You have to be yanking my chain here...NOBODY is that BLOODY STUPID!!! I suppose next you'll be telling me that is your real hair too! How dumb do you think I am? How about if I just ripped out your tongue and shoved a flaming blow torch up your arse...metaphorically speaking of course. *Lothgar doesn't even take his eyes off of his office paperwork, as the clueless and boring employee, who refuses to take the hint that Lothgar is not listening to his mind numbing story and just keeps rambling on...and on...and on...until, without ever looking up, Lothgar just points his spray can of cheez whiz at the boring lout's face and blasts away. Most intelligent people know better than to argue with me. *interrupts in mid-sentence* HEY BUDDY...YOUR FLY IS OPEN...AGAIN! With your help, we should get this project finished in about 4 hours...without your help...I'd be done in 6 minutes.
I'm surprised this one hasn't shown up yet. Monte Python and the Holy Grail. "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
this is just something stupid i always think person 1: i can't see **** person 2: try looking in the mirror ^i think i made this up
One of my favorite retorts is: 'love you too, darlin' It's usually guaranteed to end an insult match... Other than that, I like phrasing things so that the person who is insulted doesn't understand they were... It's very hard to put into writing though... I love Latin insults too Doctor: 'he needs a balneon therapy' - as in he is smelly and needs a bath Or a friend of mine used to say:'sunt pueri...' - from a Latin rhyme, sunt pueri pueri pueri puerilia tractant - when kids are kids they act childishly 'if someone puts a flashlight to his ear, you'll see his eyes shine up' 'keep taking those meds'
