1. badmonur
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    badmonur New Member

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    Cults & Sects

    Discussion in 'Setting Development' started by badmonur, Dec 4, 2010.

    Hey guys, need some help. I'm writing up some lore for a series of short stories / graphic novels & web game that i will get around to later. Thing is, I suck at writing. SO i need some help, from what i managed to absorb while half awake in English class i came up with this brief thing and i want to make it not suck so bad. This seemed like the place to get some help so tell me what im doing wrong. Im a Boss when it comes to art, not so much with the writing. I got some ideas but i cant form the properly with my current writing skill set.

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    Morte'kal (mourt- kal)
    Leader: Lord Gerald Harem
    Overview
    The deadly group of undead minions known as the of Morte'kal is a most dangerous force. Reigning over the land of Malanthia for the past 2 centuries. With no remorse for any life, human or otherwise they are born again assassins. An elite group of killers without free will. They server as personal guards and slaves to whoever holds their soul chains, the contracts binding them to this world.

    History and Lore
    The great sorcerer Gerald Harem was a loyal servant to his master and Lord, The Lord Albert. One dreary winters night the Lord Albert learned of an affair that had been going on between the Lady Miranda and someone in the castle. You see, the Lady Miranda was with child and the Lord, for many years was unable to produce one for her. Most people would see this as a blessing but being the Tyrant that he was, he grew suspicious. Just minutes after the child's birth the Lord took the child into his arms and revealed that he knew that it did not belong to him. He took a dagger and sliced the child's chest open just before dropping it to the ground, where it died only moments later. After letting her watch the death of her son he turned the blade on her, but did not kill her. She was sent to the dungeons to rot for the rest of her life. She was beaten, tortured, raped and later killed by the Lord's men. First Sorcerer Gerald Harem, stood by as this slaughter went on, watching the Lord's thirst for blood grow. 18 years later he confronted the Lord and revealed to him that he was the father of the bastard son that he killed so long ago, and that the Lady Miranda was his lover. The Lord orded him to be executed but was surprised when the blades of his guards were turned on to him. You see, everyone had come to realize that in his old age the Lord had gone mad with power. The sorcerer orded the guards to slay him where he stood. Once this was done, Gerald knelt next to the dying Lord and offered him a deal. A pact of blood that would bind grant him his life and a second chance. Without hesitation he accepted. Using the magic of the ancients Gerald transformed the Lord a walking corpse. An undead minion slave to his every desire, and so the first Morte'kal was born. Gerald Harem ordered the former Lord Albert to gather all of his remaining relatives and seal them in the dungeons. Where he would torture them until their final breaths. Gerald then took the throne for himself and created the order of Morte'kal.
     
  2. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Hi! Here are a few tips:

    1. Instead of telling us information, show it. Describe the scenes and make us feel as though we're there, rather than just reading about it.

    2. Kick off your beginning with dialogue, action or the conflict that will launch us into the story.

    3. As for the need-to-know backstory, slip it in here and there naturally where it's needed. A little bit goes a long way for explaining stuff. Do not go on large info dumps.

    Hope I helped! And your plot sounds cool.
     
  3. badmonur
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    badmonur New Member

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    The end product would end up looking something like the prologue to beauty and the beast.

    Its like narrated with a ton of visuals. For this i didnt want so much to tell an in depth story but sort of give a general outline of where things kick off for the order. If that makes sense. Ill try not to be an info dump i guess after writing up so many design documents and flow charts its showing itself in my writing :(
     
  4. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    I kind of got that it was a summary...but what exactly is your question? :) What specifically would you like help with?
     
  5. badmonur
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    badmonur New Member

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    well for the moment im just working on making this summary sound coherent. Are there any like special writing things that i missed out on, you know the technical stuff. Any suggestions or anything like that. I mean putting my ideas on paper is hard for some reason i sat for hours in front of my computer just getting that paragraph out.
     
  6. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Maybe you could start with the scene where the baby is born, and you can reveal through dialogue, etc the fact that the lord thought the woman cheated on him.

    Technicality seems pretty good for the most part, but start writing the story before you worry about that stuff.Summary writing is way different from fictional writing.
     
  7. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    then you'd better upgrade that skill set to acceptable/marketable levels!

    bottom line is you can't sell work that's rife with all kinds of goofs, so unless you can afford a good [= expensive] ghost writer to do it for you, you're going to have to learn how to write well on your own... and all the advice you can get here or anywhere won't help, till you learn and hone the basic skills...
     
  8. Corbyn
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    Corbyn Lost in my own head Contributor

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    A lot of what your trying to do is going to have to revolve around your end product. IF your intending this to be solely for a web form game, and it isn't heavy dependent on story then your writing style will NEED to be adequate for that goal.

    If however your trying to do this solely for short story, or a graphic novel that is a whole other ball game. Graphic novels are concise, as I'm sure you know. The writing style nearly completely different. My point is, decide what you really want to do with this before you worry about anything else.

    Then write. Write a lot, even if you don't think it good enough, write it anyway. I've learned you never, NEVER get better at anything with out practice. That includes writing as well.

    I do have one nagging question about the piece you did present though. Why would someone who obviously has a great deal of power, wait 18 years for revenge like that? Why would he let someone apparently inferior to him Lord over him like that in that manner? Surely it didn't take the guy 18 years to get the Lords men in his favor? If he cared that much about the death of his lover and child.. why wait THAT long?
     

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