1. Ara_Lynn
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    Ara_Lynn New Member

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    Dating With An Illness

    Discussion in 'Research' started by Ara_Lynn, Jan 26, 2015.

    This is a question for my fellow writers and for my fellow survivors of illnesses (chronic, mental, terminal, in remission) and the dating process in this day in age.

    If you could please contact me or if you know a friend or loved one that is dating with an illness please get a hold of me. I would like to ask a view questions, rather simple, for an essay. Credit will be given; or if privacy is preferred I can used an assumed name.

    Please contact me. I will handle the interview with integrity and your story to your liking.
     
  2. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Welcome to the forum.

    Sounds a bit phishy given it's a first post. Care to tell us more about yourself? Perhaps if we got to know you first.
     
  3. Ara_Lynn
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    Ara_Lynn New Member

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    Sorry! My actual name is Stephanie. I write under the name Ara Lynn. I tend to write romance but my heart and soul is to write about information one might not necessarily think about in day-to-day life.

    I have a degree in International Relations. I'm 26 and have been writing off and on for twenty years. I am a social scientist and intend to go back for my Master's in Middle Eastern Studies or Global Health.

    I'm from Baltimore. I have a neurological disorder and have gotten out of a long term relationship and I am starting to get back into the dating world again. I'm finding difficulties when to tell someone I'm dating that I have problems that put me in the hospital without freaking out entirely.

    I was hoping to hear other's experiences. And will share anything I write with those that agree to be interviewed for their confirmation before sending it to publishers.

    I just want to tell the real side to dating with an actual illness rather than your cliched romance novels.

    But if there are some cliches in there, I'd be thrilled to hear them!
     
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  4. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    That helps. :)
     
  5. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    The Fault in Our Stars is a good place to start. It's a romance novel between two teenagers with cancer. It's not mushy and they even make fun of the common tropes associated with 'cancer novels'.
     
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  6. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I wonder if you may have better luck on a different forum - there must be support forums for cancer patients and others with chronic disorders. That said, I'm sure we have members on here who could share.

    Unfortunately I don't have any real life experience in this area (my husband's easily controlled asthma probably doesn't count - he does take daily meds for it but it's really nowhere near the categories you're looking at). However, yours is certainly a book I'll be very interested in reading. I wish you all the best!
     
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  7. Lea`Brooks
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    Lea`Brooks Contributing Member Contributor

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    I suffer from anxiety that can get pretty bad. Lots of fears and things I try to avoid doing. No actual panic attacks, just brain freezes and fear, so I don't think that's the exactly what you're looking for.... lol
     
  8. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    I have a mild form of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but it's probably not what you're looking for either. :D
     
  9. theoriginalmonsterman
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    theoriginalmonsterman Pickle Contest Administrator Contributor

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    I'm a pickle... that's really not an illness though :confuzled:
     
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  10. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    This may be useful if there are also a number of other books, but beware that this is YA, and as such it's not as deep as you might want. If you're exploring dating someone with a chronic illness at an adult level, I think adult accounts would likely be more useful. It probably also depends on whether you're writing something that is more in the romance category or more in the realistic fiction/serious illness type category. Memoirs might be more helpful than a lot of novels.

    One novel that was excellent at capturing the life of a person with bipolar disorder is Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See, but that shows more how the character cannot sustain a relationship. That is, it's not romance, but it might be illuminating as far as bipolar. Also, I'd probably choose a particular condition and stick to that. A chronic mental illness is different from a terminal condition, which is also different from a chronic physical condition.
     
  11. Catrin Lewis
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    Catrin Lewis Contributing Member Contributor

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    Are you hoping to get a rounded understanding of the subject (that is, add others' knowledge to your own), so you can take it and write some good, effective fiction? Then you have come to the right place.

    I went through cancer treatment four years ago (surgery, chemo, the whole song and dance). Now that your query makes me think of it, that would have been a really lousy time for me to start a new relationship. The only way it would have been tolerable would have been if he'd been a miracle guy who could focus on me as a person and on what we liked to do together with the cancer only coming up in terms of me asking him, "Oh, by the way, can I get a lift home from chemo?" I don't think I could have coped with a man trying to coddle me or protect me or constantly be reminding me of how sick and fragile I supposedly was. I got through it by living my life regardless, thank you very much. I would have been worse off with some well-meaning dude trying to "rescue" me.

    But I see, reading your post again, that you're writing an essay. Why not try a story as well, where the lover gets it all wrong and the person dealing with the illness has to find their spine and help him or her screw his head on straight-- or is too shy to insist the lover screw his or her head on straight leading to frustrations, stress, etc.-- or the lover has some sick need to see the protagonist as a victim and never will get his or her head screwed on straight . . . ?
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2015

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