1. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    David Guterson comes first in Literary Reviews bad sex in fiction award

    Discussion in 'Erotica' started by erebh, Oct 11, 2013.

    David Guterson comes first in Literary Review's bad sex in fiction award

    excerpts from http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2011/dec/06/david-guterson-bad-sex-award

    David Guterson in 'Ed King'
    Diane said, 'Let's shower'"; and "she took him by the wrist and moved the base of his hand into her pubic hair until his middle fingertip settled on the no-man's-land between her front parlour and back door.

    Haruki Murakami in1Q84,
    "A freshly made ear and a freshly made vagina look very much alike, Tengo thought".

    Chris Adrian in The Great Night
    His impossibly eloquent cock poked her now from the front and now from the back and now from the side

    Lee Child in The Affair
    Then it was time. We started tenderly. Long and slow, long and slow. Deep and easy. She flushed and gasped. So did I. Long and slow.

    The literary God Stephen King in 11.22.63
    She said, "Don't make me wait, I've had enough of that," and so I kissed the sweaty hollow of her temple and moved my hips forward ... She gasped, retreated a little, then raised her hips to meet me. "Sadie? All right?"
    "Ohmygodyes," she said and I laughed. She opened her eyes and looked up at me with curiosity and hopefulness. "Is it over, or is there more?" "A little more," I said. "I don't know how much. I haven't been with a woman in a long time."
    It turned out there was quite a bit more … At the end she began to gasp. "Oh dear, oh my dear, oh my dear dear God, oh sugar!"

    Does erotica have to be this bad to sell?
     
  2. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    Oh my dear sugar, no. That's just... wrong. All of it. :eek:
     
  3. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    @erebh I'm so glad you didn't quote the last paragraph in that article, but also VERY sorry that I read it anyway. *shudder*
     
  4. TessaT
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    TessaT Contributing Member

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    Okay... how exactly does a cock be eloquent?
     
  5. A.M.P.
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    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Supporter Contributor

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    It recites classy saucy poetry as it penetrates to keep the woman titillated.
     
  6. TessaT
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    TessaT Contributing Member

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    ...LOL!
     
  7. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    "It puts the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose again."
     
  8. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    it wears a little black bow tie and she draws a rex butler moustache on with her mascara, maybe ruins her lipstick too drawing little lips!
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2013
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  9. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    where she washed his family jewels? Then rinsed, showered, dressed and went to an expensive restaurant for lunch? Talk about rushing a scene huh?
     
  10. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    @erebh: Wow, that's really awful. Even worse then calling the woman's body part 'a rump'. :shudder:
     
  11. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Not long ago, I saw some entries for the 'good sex in fiction' award ...and some of them were pretty crap as well—self-conscious, detached and overly 'realistic,' from the point of view that no, sex isn't really all that great, is it.

    It's almost as if, in order to write 'good' sex, you have to minimise its importance. I think the link between sex and emotion is huge, and while you don't want to slide into melodrama (in any situation, not just sex), it's a mistake to downplay the link.
     
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  12. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I shouldn't laugh at this 'cause I suck at writing sex scenes, but some of these entries are really quite... wtf. It's like the authors knew they can't write it, so they just hoped what they've churned out looks tongue-in-cheek enough that it will mask their inability to write sex.
     
  13. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    I could see that, and is more acceptable than thinking what they've done is good. I really hope they don't think that...
     
  14. lex
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    lex Contributing Member

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    Don't these people have editors?! [​IMG]

    (To be honest, I think the little excerpt quoted above from Lee Child is distinctly less cringe-makingly dreadful than the other four.)
     

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