David Guterson comes first in Literary Review's bad sex in fiction award excerpts from http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2011/dec/06/david-guterson-bad-sex-award David Guterson in 'Ed King' Diane said, 'Let's shower'"; and "she took him by the wrist and moved the base of his hand into her pubic hair until his middle fingertip settled on the no-man's-land between her front parlour and back door. Haruki Murakami in1Q84, "A freshly made ear and a freshly made vagina look very much alike, Tengo thought". Chris Adrian in The Great Night His impossibly eloquent cock poked her now from the front and now from the back and now from the side Lee Child in The Affair Then it was time. We started tenderly. Long and slow, long and slow. Deep and easy. She flushed and gasped. So did I. Long and slow. The literary God Stephen King in 11.22.63 She said, "Don't make me wait, I've had enough of that," and so I kissed the sweaty hollow of her temple and moved my hips forward ... She gasped, retreated a little, then raised her hips to meet me. "Sadie? All right?" "Ohmygodyes," she said and I laughed. She opened her eyes and looked up at me with curiosity and hopefulness. "Is it over, or is there more?" "A little more," I said. "I don't know how much. I haven't been with a woman in a long time." It turned out there was quite a bit more … At the end she began to gasp. "Oh dear, oh my dear, oh my dear dear God, oh sugar!" Does erotica have to be this bad to sell?