Dealing with people who think your dreams of writing are unrealistic.

What about your feelings?
What about them, upsetting you?
What right do they have to criticize you and your ambitions?
They do not know what is going on in your imagination.

People that are close to you should, in my opinion if not encourage then at least, respect your right to have and follow your ambitions.

I know it can be hard but, stick with it.

Some people spend hours in front of a TV, would that be more acceptable, than spending that time writing,to your personal Job's comforters.

 

WOW. Job's comforters. I LOVE the reference, so applicable! Thanks for that Trilby.

 

I think you should do something else, on the side. Like how I said the word 'on the side.' The reason being is if you put writing first, and a corporate job - second - you're still pleasing people and making '$$.' But, you're not giving up on your dreams.

 

It's like you read my mind Johnathan. I was just thinking about that earlier today on my way to the library. There's no law that says I have to work 40-50 hours a week, especially since I don't have a family to support and am fairly well off. I could write full-time and work part-time and keep people off my back.

i was even thinking of resurrecting my Window Cleaning business as soon as the weather is good. No one but me will know how many (or how few) clients I seek out and as long as I'm paying my bills I can honestly tell people, "I'm cleaning windows again." It's tough work in this climate and area but I have the skills and the equipment. I could handle it part-time. Very part-time.

 

I think before you start worrying about how to deal with others about your dreams, you have to deal with your own ideas on the matter. First up professional writing is a dream. Few will achieve it. But that doesn't mean you should give it away. Dreams are a part of what gives your life purpose and meaning. Very few accountants I would suggest, go to the office each morning dreaming of the rows of figures they'll put in each column. (Unless it's a nightmare). So first, to those who matter to you, tell them that - you have to holdon to your dreams.

Next, you have to eat. You need a roof over your head. So make sure that when you're dreaming you're still making sure the bills are being paid. Sometimes being an accountant is very useful. It's not your dream, but itis what allows you to dream. Makesure that those who you care about know you're still taking care of yourself.

And last, commit. If you want to push forwards with your dream, that means commitment. So the things that aren't your dream, need to be sacrificed. You can't really sacrifice your work, or not much of it anyway. But time in front of the telly, playing PC games, pubbing and clubbing, those all have to slide down the ladder of what matters. Mostof them of course, don't add a lot to your future life. So tell those you care about that what you're sacrificing isn't the stuff that keeps body and soul together, it's the stuff that probably wasn't that good for you anyway.

If you can cover those three things well, then they surely can't be that worried about you.

Cheers, Greg.

 

This is a wonderful, sane, and inspiring message, Greg.

 

Please don't give this up entirely, since it is what's paying for my dreams!

All joking aside, that's some very sound advice! Not all dreams come true (sadly), so it helps to have a solid base to fall back on when things don't pan out. Also, especially with writing, I think you get a better shot at succeeding when you have a nice job. If finding a publisher for your manuscript takes, say, 3 years... at least you won't starve in the meantime!

cheers,
Jamez

 

This is about my dreams in general, not specifically about my dream to become a published writer, but in general

Honestly homie, there was a time in my life when I would have copped a sick resentment towards that person and called them all kinds of names. I would have thrown a messy temper tantrum, made it all about me and more. Today, I speak my mind still, and I definitely talk about my dreams of what I want to do but I do not let people and what they say effect how I feel.

There is a career I am currently pursuing that is not writing full time. I want to be a professional back country mountain guide. It has always been my dream ever since I spent some time living in Colorado some years back. There are definitely people who have said that I do not understand the responsibility it comes with. And it is not just about fun and games and growing up to become a ski - bum etc etc. (MY parents being two of them, more my mother then my Dad. My dad is totally the 'you can do whatever you want to do son, but it takes work' kind of person) I don't get angry. That is their opinion and they are entitled to it. I can't let them rule my life or dictate my decisions. I don't make decisions today based on what others think. I make decisions today based on how I feel and what I think, what makes ME happy, because in the end, that is all that really matters.

This is a great post and a great point. Though my dream may be being a professional guide in the mountains, am I dropping everything I am doing right now to go and chase that dream? No, because financially there is a lot of work that needs to be put in and it won't just happen over night. I have to take avalanche safety courses, I have to become Red Shield/Blue Cross trained in CPR, Avalanche emergency response certified, and a list of other things that are necessary for it to happen. So while I am pursuing those courses, and the necessary training to gear myself up for a school that I will eventually be going to in a few years, I have to provide for myself. So I work, full time, to pay my bills and feed my face, and write as much as I can on the side.

The same thing for writing, whether you want to do it full time or not. Unless you get a job as an editor or something a long those lines that pays by the hour, you need to survive, and that income is not going to be coming from writing, and writing alone. You want to get published. Hell yeah dude. I think you can. I think anyone can do whatever they want if they set their minds to it and are willing to put in the work necessary in ALL aspects. But you have to keep expectations in line with reality, and the rest follows suit.

First and foremost, if you want any chance in succeeding, you need to believe in yourself. And letting other peoples opinions (yes loved ones included they should not be any different then strangers because in the end, they're just opinions) affect you the way it has already shows a lack of confidence. No one said it was going to be easy, no one said LIFE was going to be easy, but thats the beautiful part. It is a beautiful struggle, and to quote Sigmund Freud: "One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." If there is anything I have learned in my life so far, its that I am my own person. I cannot let external circumstances dictate who I am because the moment I do, I lose the freedom to live for myself.


-Ghost

 

I think the element of sacrifice is hard for me. I've grown used to a certain amount of leisure time and have a number of activities I enjoy doing (beyond reading and writing). It's very hard to break entrenched habits. It's even harder to develop new ones.

All very good thoughts Greg. Thanks.

 

Well, that's what was meant a few posts back by 'committment'. To stand a chance of being a professional writer you've got to put it first, because you bet your leisurely ass there are thousands more people willing to do so to get where they want to be.

I work full time, and to get to that job I commute for 3-4 hours every day. That leaves me about 11 hours at home each day, which must include sleeping, eating, household chores, spending some time with the bunny and talking to my housemate, and the rest of the time is spent writing (or more likely, trying to write)

Writing IS my leisure activity. I also hope to make it a lucretive activity so I could perhaps work part time. I see asking to be paid to do my leisure actitivity as almost a bit cheeky, seeing as I willingly do it for free. It would be pretty awesome though

 

You are my hero. I am simultaneously ashamed and inspired by your post. I finally have what I've wanted for years, the time and resources to be creative and now that I have them I'm crippled by fear and anxiety. Sometimes I feel like such a loser. But my hope is that if I don't give up, I keep trying, training myself to do more every day, eventually I will be worthy of the time I have available.

 

LOL I love the irony and your acknowledgement of being 'crripled by fear and anxiety.'

You just explained the human condition in two words. Most of us (if not all), and there is a vast majority that is not willing to admit it, run on fear. There are tons of things out there we don't want to know about, or find out about, because it hurts our soul and our feelings. Or things happen the way we don't want them to. What it most certaintly shows though, is that you give a shit, and there are a lot of people out there who cannot say the same.

It all comes down to accepting whats in front of you and taking what you get. You can either swim up river, or swim with the current.

Its totally normal man. You're human. Do not forget that. I know a lot of your fear and anxiety wants you to forget that, and wants you to hide those feelings. It takes a lot of courage to confront them, especially confiding in others no doubt. But you are not the only one who experience these things and you made the best decision you could coming on here and processing it with others who share your plight. Experience shared is the best way to perservere through any struggle. Strength in numbers my friend, strength in numbers. You are not a loser and nor should you be ashamed for feeling such. These are the moments that make us who we are, and define our future. We can LET them cripple us, or be grateful we were there to experience the ride, and move forward.

-Ghost

 

I just keep dreaming. One day it'll happen.

 

First of all the people close to you are wrong in saying your dreams are unrealistic and therefore you shouldnt even bother pursuing them. When the people close to me are not supportive (with other things than writing, because they are supportive of my writing) it makes me feel extremely discouraged and it makes me question myself. When someone is not being supportive of an element which is such a big part of you I can imagine it would tear down your entire world, at least it would for me I think that you should definitely try to explain to them that this is your passion, maybe they have a passion in their life which they live for and so they can relate. Its important that they understand how serious you really are about this and that this is something that you need to do, it is really something you need to do right? Secondly, if they have read some of the things you have written and havent liked it you shouldnt think so much of it, this is a process that I think none other than writers understand. For instance I wrote a story and showed it to my mum and she didnt understand any of it and therefore obviously did not like it but then I made some MINOR changes in mainly grammar and the way I built up sentences and then she could finally enter the world of my story and turned out she really loved it! But she could not even imagine that it was a good story behind all those long and complicated sentences. In the same way if you show your stories to "normal" people it is hard for them to see the potential, if they feel its not perfectly simple for them to understand then they dismiss the whole idea. Also keep in mind that the more you write, the better you get. I am confident that the same people who said you couldnt be a writer will eat their words when they see your future works even though they might just be slightly different! I wish you the best of luck, and consider this as a test to test if this is truly a passion because if it is no one can make you stop doing it.

 

Thank you Happy SlippingBeauty What wonderful and encouraging thoughts!

 

I've been dreaming of becoming a writer since I was seven. Every year my hopes fade more, but still, I write, if for no other reason, for myself. Being a fantasy enthusiasist limits me even further, so I've pretty much given up. It is rather impossible to publish a book in my home country without having connections or writing a very specific.

It's a sad situation. My family does not see me as a writer either. The truth is, you need to believe in yourself and do what you love to do and strive to excel at what you do. Do it for yourself and those of your friends who like to read your work. Aim low. And look out for opportunities. Perhaps some day you will find one that works out.

I want to say though, that I don't think relying on your dreams is the best choice. If you dream all your life, the best you can achieve is a nice life of dreaming. You need to commit yourself, as others have said. Work on your craft, keep writing. Dreams can serve as inspiration but even then, they can tumble as soon as you feel the disapproval of others. That's why I think one must seek motivation not in dreams, not in the future, not in aspirations and far fetched plans, but on what is and can be now. What you can do now. Right now you can write and practice your craft. You can go look for a job. You can look for a short fiction magazine, or a proper publisher.

Thinking about the future just gets me depressive. Make realistic, practical plans. But for the moment, just do what you can. Then others have a harder time crumbling you since you aren't just dreaming anymore - you're doing something.

 

It's hard to strive to excel and aim low at the same time. I say, aim high, as high as you can, and settle for low if that's all you can get. But if you don't reach for the stars, you'll never get to the stars. If all you want is to reach for the mud, well, that's easy - mud is what you'll get.

 

Well intentioned people, never mind being proven wrong.


Close family sat me down and told me "You will never be a Navy rescue swimmer, please pursue something else"

They were wrong, very wrong. After 10 years in the Navy I decided to get out and go to college, the people closest to me again said "You have a great career, stick with it, keep up the good work, college probably isnt for you".

A few years later They were there when I walked for my aeronautics degree, then again when I recieved my Masters of Aeronautical Science in Physics.

Then they said "Stay in Florida, the job in Texas looks good but you wont like it out there".

I did great in Texas and my wife and I loved it for years.

My point is, the people in your life will try and protect you from failure. I have never been the best athelete, only a casual swimmer before joining the Navy, never been a great student before college, but when it is time to seek out and realize a goal, nobody can do it for you.

Trust yourself!

Have the courage to fail!

Never give up, find a way to hang in there and realize your goals!

 

But if you aim high and think only of what you could do in the future, what you could be, what is possible, will you not essentially get only your aims and dreams? I don't see any authors saying, 'I dreamed for a while, then I became famous.' Instead, they say they worked hard, did what they could at the moment. Of course, I doubt this is the author's problem, but it's a point that cropped up in my mind. Dreaming versus doing.

 

Piv, my friend, no one said that dreaming should take the place of doing. You have to do both. Hell, we can all sit on our arses and wish we were astronauts, but Dave W said it right. You gotta REALISE a goal, not just identify it. Listening to those who think your goal is unattainable can only harm your chances of attaining it. So, keep believing it IS attainable, but bear in mind that it will only get closer by you getting off your arse and taking action to REALISE it.

As I said a few posts back, my dad never particularly believed I could attain my goal of being a professional author. He thought it was all very nice to have an intelligent and productive hobby on the side, but always stressed that I should be working on making a career in 'the real world' just in case it never happened.

Then I got signed by an agent, and suddenly my dad's not quite so sceptical. Now, he treats my writing as something that could be a 'serious activity' - as evidenced by a comment of his this weekend. My parents are buying a house for me to rent from them, and when we looked at one that needed some work done he said 'well, yes it could be a nice house, but I don't want you having to put all your time into DIY and not being able to work on your book'.

I think my jaw hit the floor at that point.

 

Kallithrix that's wonderful to hear! Glad to see things are working out for you. Glad to see your Dad being surprisingly supportive.

I think you all are right. There is a big difference between dreaming and doing, between wanting and realizing.

Interesting side point. Saturday I shoveled snow for an hour and wrote for 3.5 hrs, my longest and most productive single stretch of writing. I got 1300 decent words. Sunday I sat on my ass all day, except for one trip to buy groceries and did no writing at all. Lazy man.

Saturday night I slept like a happy baby. Sunday night I tossed and turned like a ferret on cappuccino. Couldn't get my brain to quiet down. Guess now I know. I really HAVE to write, if only for the sake of my sleep!

 

Gah. It happened again.

The person who matters most to me was talking about educational opportunities for her child and said "She can do anything she wants, as long as its not Drama or Writing, there's no future in either of those fields." It pissed me off. My two favorite fields. I don't know whether her statement was conscious or unconscious, probably the latter since she's usually a very kind person. Still it sucks when the people we love don't get it.

I made a deliberate effort to not respond. Eventually the subject moved far enough away from writing that I was able to rejoin the conversation. You guys are right. Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut about your dreams.

I probably won't be able to discuss writing with her until after I'm successful. It's terribly sad. I had hoped she'd be a part of my process. Guess I'm on my own.

 

Yeah, it could have been an unconscious thing. Ultimately it really doesn't matter to you and your success what some random person thinks of a career. If you were in med school and someone said, "I'd never want to be a doctor -- I hope my kids don't either," is that a reflection of you or a reflection of them (and also maybe their lack of tact)?

If you wanted to say something in a situation like that, that would be okay. Like, I wouldn't bring up how it's my dream to be a published author or anything, but you could still make an observation -- "Oh, you mean the two things I'm interested in, ha ha" -- or, I don't know, "Tell that to Stephen King."

If you find yourself dwelling on this and this person means something to you, you're also in your right to bring it up -- it's just beneficial to not have any expectations. You can't control what other people say or do, only how you act and react to them.

 

Very good points Joanna. Yeah this wouldn't bother me if it was just some random person. Problem is this is someone whose support and involvement in my life really matters to me. So for now I just won't bring up the subject with her. I think further down the road would be better.

 

You are not on your own. We're here!