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  1. BoomerBud
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    BoomerBud New Member

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    Deflated and confused......

    Discussion in 'Support & Feedback' started by BoomerBud, Jul 20, 2012.

    I am not a bad guy, I am just quite deflated...I am sure the following is wordy. That was one of the reasons that I came here to get help for...but now I am not too sure...
    Please forgive the wordiness of this and a few blunt points...I kind of felt like you were stealing something very valuable to me.......:(

    I guess I am more than a little confused about this forum, or is this forum more for hard-nosed writers, more "thick skinned".:confused:

    I am a relative newbie in the world of freelance writing and have an overwhelming fear of being rejected for what I would/could put on paper.
    Maybe my anxiety is to the extreme; to the point I fear what I am saying hear will not be heard for the sake of how I say it.
    Question: Is this forum more for those who have years/books under their belts to be considered a valued member of this forum?

    I did get your "Welcome to the forum", but it seemed that the word "Welcome" was the only real positive feel that I received from your welcome amongst the rules, regulations, and such.
    Mind you, I do believe that you need strict guidelines for such a forum; that coming from a 20 year military background. The rules are for the benefit of myself and those of this forum.

    My point is all that in the onset of my first visit here there was no real positive, and/or compelling reason for me to want to be apart of this forum.
    I fear anything that I would have to say in my writing would be met with contempt... "who is this that would waste my/our time with this dribble..."

    Being a new kid on the block, sort a speak, I would think that before and/or after the rules and regulations there would be some positive affirmation of opening ones self to the new environment of writing and having perfect strangers critique your writing.

    To me writing is like bearing your soul to the masses, hanging yourself out there hoping someone will like what you have to say.
    It certainly scares the stuffing out of me to be rejected for something that I have worked hard on to put before the masses.

    I guess I would expect someone off the street to make me feel uncomfortable about wanting to be a writer, not an actual writer's forum.

    Before I became ill I had my own consulting business... I consulted and evaluated individual businesses for "Attitude and Customer Service".
    One of the first things I would discuss with the business is that "There are no 'second' first impressions".
    If the "welcome" is to weed out newbie writers that wish to improve their craft and might not have anything to bring but a "request for help"; I think you might have accomplished your goal.

    But, if it is the desire to open, your obvious wealth of knowledge, to all comers...you might want to work on the "welcome" and weave a little positive reinforcement assuring that it isn't as ominous as it sounds and that you value each and every newbie and Nobel Prize winner that would grace this forum. That all entries, according to the rules laid out, are met with open and positive critiques for the benefit of all that are on this forum.
    You might have said what I shared between the lines, but I didn't catch it.

    I guess writing is not for me if I am not "thick skinned" enough to cope with a simple welcome with the obligatory rules and regulations that come without the frills of some positive encouragement from a writers forum, let alone the public at large.

    I think, if it is the same with you, I will stick with the other writer's forum(s); from what I gather I think you will be okay with that...

    Please, if I am way off base here and that I missed something...Let me know.
    All I have is a spark of a dream looking for the right bellows to fire up my dream.....:)

    Thanks for your time, BoomerBud
     
  2. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    Hi, BoomerBud -
    I have to say, your post has me a bit confused. I'm not sure what welcome you're referring to -- I don't remember the welcome I received, beyond the welcome from Banzai when I posted in New Member Introductions, which you have not done, since this is your first post. You might want to post something quickly there, because usually folks on this site are pretty welcoming.

    I'm sorry to hear that you feel that your writing would be viewed with contempt and that you are so filled with self-doubt and that you have been ill. I hope things get better for you soon.

    I've been here for a couple months and really enjoy "hanging out" here. I've found a lot of people to be very warm, welcoming and eager to help. I guess you have to decide for yourself, though. Look through the posts and writers workshop sections. If it doesn't seem like it's for you, then do what you feel is right. If you like what you see, then jump in.
     
  3. shadowwalker
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    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

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    I looked back at my automated welcome message and I guess I didn't see anything 'cold' about it. I think you'll find it a little warmer the longer you're here - there are, of course, the resident curmudgeons but you'll find them on any forum. Most people are helpful and overall friendly. Give it some time, get to know people.
     
  4. introspect
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    introspect Member

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    I guess I would expect someone off the street to make me feel uncomfortable about wanting to be a writer, not an actual writer's forum.

    Before I became ill I had my own consulting business... I consulted and evaluated individual businesses for "Attitude and Customer Service".
    One of the first things I would discuss with the business is that "There are no 'second' first impressions".
    If the "welcome" is to weed out newbie writers that wish to improve their craft and might not have anything to bring but a "request for help"; I think you might have accomplished your goal.

    I agree. some sites are like that.

    I'm new myself. so, I guess I'll give it some time before I can make my mind up :)
     
  5. GoldenGhost
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    GoldenGhost Contributing Member

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    Yeah.. sorry to say, I'm not exactly sure what you're referring to. I have yet to experience a single negative vibe on here. I've found nothing but interesting advice, that sometimes I take, and sometimes I leave. I have made more than a few friends, who I now speak with regularly, mostly on writing. The contempt you percieve to feel could be a result of the fear itself, for our minds are powerful things and belive me when I say I know just compelling a false reality can seem. On the other hand, there does exist a black and white within the critique of writing, and there is definitely a 'no' or a 'that's wrong' , or 'this doesn't work, or 'this doesn't make sense.' Freedom of creativity doesn't make up for the misuse of words, grammar, syntax, and less than sufficient comparisons.

    The other journey of being a writer is humbling yourself to a point where you are willing to drop your wall and let people into your life, for it's the only way we grow, not just as writers, but as people. Would you want to go your entire life without ever knowing you were a mean person? Or living selfishly? Or would you rather put yourself in a position to hear from a friend, "Hey man, that's not nice." We all work together. You're a soldier, you know you don't stand alone, you stand together, for you fight for the person next to you, and if he's screaming when the enemy can potentially hear, you know damn well you're going to tell him to shut up.

    Anyway, I welcome you to the site and if you have any questions, or just want to say hello, feel free to message me at anytime.

    -Ghost
     
  6. prettyprettyprettygood
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    prettyprettyprettygood Active Member

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    If you're referring to the automated welcome message, then I'm quite baffled at your reaction. It's as warm a welcome as it can be without personalisation (which would be a lot to ask of the mods), and it lets you know about the rules for the Workshop, which is the area of the site that raises the most queries.

    I'd say this is needed because, frankly, many people want to 'take' without 'giving'- they want critique on their work (or sometimes just to be told their work is great) but don't want to help anyone else out. This is unfair and obviously if everyone did this the workshop wouldn't function, so why not let people know the rules upfront? Added to this, critiquing other people's work is a great way to develop your own, as you develop the ability to spot weaknesses yourself so the site is encouraging you to do something positive that you may not have considered previously.

    A quick flick through the rest of the site, especially the workshop itself, should show you that this is a friendly and helpful forum. I wouldn't say writing isn't for you if you are as sensitive as you suggest, but The Internet in general might not be a good place for you- I've seen far harsher posts on gardening forums.

    Whether you decide to use this forum or not, best of luck with your writing!
     
  7. peachalulu
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    peachalulu Contributing Member Reviewer Contributor

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    Hi , Boomer - sorry you felt the welcome was a little cold! I think you probably got a little skittish about the rules - I did too, but they're there for a reason. Tons of people join up and make the same mistakes clearly listed in the rule page , and it probably gets more than a little annoying for the supporters to fix them.

    As for your fear of being rejected , every writer feels that and the only way to get past it is post your work and allow the critism to fly! I was horribly
    nervous when I posted my pieces but was glad I did. I felt everyone was fair and helpful.

    Nobody is out to bash your work , anyone who critiques your stuff only wants to see you do better!
    If some of the comments seem a little brash , don't sweat it. I actually find this to be a pretty
    balanced forum. Nobody is too gushy or too tactless, they give good advice. I've been to some other
    writing forums and they can be rather snotty ( until you call them on it ) but this one is has a good balance
    - I think because everyone isn't just here to chit-chat
    they're here to work on their writing. It's a group effort.

    I don't think I've ever run across anyone calling anyone's effort a waste of time. Ideas might take a beating
    but that's only because ideas are never fully developed, they're hard to describe and hard to envision. But I don't
    think anyone's really bashed anyone's writing.

    Take a chance - and join in.
     
  8. Thumpalumpacus
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    Thumpalumpacus Contributing Member

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    I'm new to opening my writing to critique from other writers, so I understand feeling a bit self-conscious or shy about it.

    I'm a musician who has performed onstage in front of upwards of 300 people at a time, and posting my writing for anonymous review is more nerve-wracking, to me. I certainly felt more stage-fright than I have irl playing my guitar; I pored over my submission again, and then once more, crossed my fingers, and pressed "submit". On a stage, I have my guitar and my microphone stand as shields, and the task at hand as a distraction from the fear of failure. I have no such armor here.

    I imagine I'll feel the same way when I publish my first novel, or release my first album. And that's okay. When your art is heartfelt, you're vulnerable.

    I'm just going to tighten the chinstrap on my helmet, and get on with my business, because the alternative to risking the criticisms of others is to have the thoughts die with me, and I'd rather that not happen. I think I have something unique to offer. I think you probably do too. I think most here do. And like asking a girl out on a date, the risk might seem great, but the rewards can be even greater.

    * * * * *​

    Regarding the officious tone of the introductory PM and post, I think it's a good approach for this sort of forum, with a tightly-defined mission. WF strikes me not as a social gathering, and by stressing those guidelines, the Staff here keeps drama largely off the radar.

    As vulnerable as we writers can be, when we reveal so much of ourselves in the written word, can you imagine how hurtful the arguments could be over someone's work, without a tightly fair application of rules? The musician's forum I frequent sees the occasional scorched-earth battle which can be very unsettling when seeking constructive feedback on creative works. I appreciate that I can post my writing here with the assurance that it will be regarded as it is, without the emotional baggage of NetDrama and all that other crap.
     
  9. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    First off, there is no "automated welcome message." Banzai (manually) posts a templated post because there is information every new member needs to know before he or she dives in and starts posting. If that material is not presented at the start of the post, it doesn't get read at all. (Experience tells us that even then, many members don't bother to read it. Nor do they read they read the section on the site home page clearly labeled Important Information.

    Banzai's post begins with a welcome, which is as long as the welcome posted by most other members who reply to the Intro threads.

    For years, I posted to every intro thread. I finally quit doing it, at the time I also quit moderating the forum. It's a thankless role, and posting introductory information for new members is not only thankless, but frustrating because at times it seems pointless.

    I relented, and for now at least, have picked up moderating duty again. But because Banzai has taken up the greetings, I'm leaving that to him. My original greeting is currently gathering dust in the Important Information.

    The mod team has put a lot of thought and effort into greetings that balance a welcoming message with important information that new members need to know.

    How very gratifying to see a thread like this. Thank you, on behalf of the entire mod team, from the bottom of my colon.

    (and a sincere thank you to those who do understand what we are doing and why).
     
  10. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'm not a professional hard-nosed writer. I'm a person with a day job, an amateur writer who likes to talk about writing. I don't have a book, or so much as a single professionally published story, under my belt. I'm also not a moderator or anyone with any authority on this forum. I'm just a participant.

    I spend a lot of time on a lot of different Internet forums. Some are "support" type forums, where a poster will be very careful when saying anything the least bit critical, and where controversy is avoided. Some are "gloves off" forums where debate is not only allowed, but encouraged, and anything short of harassment or personal attacks is allowed. No doubt there are forums where even personal attacks are OK; I don't participate in those.

    This forum may not be all the way to the extreme end of the "support" realm, but I think that it's a pretty polite and civilized forum.

    You seem to have judged us very negatively. I feel rather as if I'm a meember of a group of people who've been sitting around chatting, and someone just walked in, looked around, listened for thirty seconds, and then shouted, "Well, if you don't want me here, FINE! I'm outta here!" and walked out, slamming the door as hard as he could behind him.

    I don't know why you think that we don't want you here. We haven't even met you yet; we haven't had a chance to fail to welcome you. Your choice to instantly criticize us is a little off-putting, but I'm sure that we'd be fine with discusing that criticism if you could give us enough information to allow us to discuss it. But so far, that information hasn't been provided. I don't know what you're objecting to. So below, I'm going to guess.

    You complained about the mention of rules, but then you acknowledged that rules are necessary. All I can guess from this is that you don't like specific elements of the rules?

    Are you objecting to the fourteen-day and twenty-post requirement for the Review Room? Having been a member of forums that have no such requirements, I can assure you that they serve a purpose - those forums were so full of spammers that they were unusable. It's unfortunate for every new poster to have to adhere to rules that are intended to counter spammers, but every person here had to adhere to those rules when they were new to the forum - they're not intended to discourage you, personally. They don't just apply to newbie writers; they apply to every single new forum member, whether they just wrote their first paragraph or have ten best-sellers udner their belt.

    Are you objecting to the requirement that members must provide reviews before they can receive reviews? Again, this rule applies to everyone. And you don't need to be a professional to write a review; reviews from everyone are valued and wanted.

    Are you objecting to the fact that the Review Room supports criticism as well as praise? I know that I _want_ criticism. I'm delighted to receive praise, but criticism does more to improve my writing.

    When you say:

    "I kind of felt like you were stealing something very valuable to me......."

    that feels like an attack. As I said, I'm just an amateur writer participating here. Are you saying that merely by being here, talking about language and writing, and occasionally posting my amateur writing to the Review Room, I am stealing something from you? My interacting with others is functioning as theft from you? What is it that I've stolen from you by being here?

    And when you say:

    "I fear anything that I would have to say in my writing would be met with contempt... "who is this that would waste my/our time with this dribble...""

    that's pretty insulting, too. Why would you assume that we'd be this rude and this nasty? What makes you paint us all as rude, insular snobs?

    Re:

    "If the "welcome" is to weed out newbie writers that wish to improve their craft and might not have anything to bring but a "request for help"; I think you might have accomplished your goal."

    I think that it's made very clear that _everyone_ can bring value. Everyone can offer reviews, and offer better understanding of others' writing through their reviews. If you don't _want_ to review, well, we can't make you, but that's not the same as us telling you that your review has no value.

    Your reviews would absolutely have value, if you chose to provide them. Your writing would have value, if you chose to offer it. We are not the ones negating your value; it seems to me that you are. I am confident that you, your participation, your writing, and your reviews, would have value. But I can't persuade you of that if you aren't willing to accept it.

    Re:

    "I think, if it is the same with you, I will stick with the other writer's forum(s); from what I gather I think you will be okay with that...

    No. We didn't say that you weren't welcome here. You said that you weren't welcome here. Your assertion is false; you are indeed welcome here. I'd like you to stay; I'd like you to participate. But it's not my place, or the place of anyone else here, to force you to do something that you don't want to do. If you don't like _us_, if you choose to reject _us_, that is absolutely your choice and your right. But please don't tell us that we've rejected you, because that is not true.
     
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  11. BoomerBud
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    BoomerBud New Member

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    Thanks Cogito....
    Well...you have made it very obvious that I have stepped into it neck deep...
    Ghost had a bit of a more positive approach...the response was from the heart I'm sure...and not from the colon!!
    Anyhow, like I shared with Ghost...I am a disable vet and suffer from sever PTSD...and like I told Ghost it can really skew my judgement.
    I went back with the words shared by Ghost in mind and reread the rules and regulations... and from Ghost's sharing and my rereading my eyes were opened to opportunities and not judgement.
    You know I wasn't trying to be rude or mean in any way...but you chose to be mean with that "colon" remark.
    From what I gather Ghost has been here since Jan. of this year and you have been here since 2007.
    Well, you managed to undo what Ghost and all the others were trying to do...I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, just trying to understand.
    You have managed to hurt me...I have enough hurt to deal with thank you. I do thank those who tried to encourage me "from the bottom of my HEART"

    So, good writing to you all and goodbye...and Cogito please try and remember the "Pen is mightier than the sword"!!
     
  12. Thumpalumpacus
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    Thumpalumpacus Contributing Member

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    I think your judgement is indeed off-base in this case. No one has molly-coddled me here, but no one has flamed me, either -- and I'm not the nicest guy around by a long shot. I bet you'll get along fine once you dive in.

    I'd be interested in seeing some of your writing and critiquing. Have you done any of that yet?

    And last but not at all least, thanks for your service. From one vet to another, I appreciate your sacrifices, and you can rely on me to give you a fair shake, so long as you return the favor. :)
     
  13. shadowwalker
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    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

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    I hope you do stay and try us out. Like I said, there are people you just learn to ignore, but there are those sorts on every forum. There are a lot more who will try to help.
     
  14. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    The OP has now bid us adieu twice, so I question what he is really seeking from us. He's pretty much only complained and essentially insulted us here, and if he is indeed so sensitive, I don't know how he's going to accept constructive criticism on his writing or really any disagreement with him on anything. Frankly, I don't have the time nor inclination to wrap everything up in a rainbow and seal it with a kiss. I've had far harsher, insulting, and mean responses on family and parenting sites than anything I've ever seen or read here. (And I think I'm pretty damn nice ;-)
     
  15. shadowwalker
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    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well, hopefully everyone can agree that things got off on the wrong foot and start fresh. I always like fresh beginnings.
     
  16. BoomerBud
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    BoomerBud New Member

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    Thanks Shadowwalker for you vote of confidence...

    Look everyone...I know, without a doubt, that I step into "it" neck deep and am now drowning.....
    Like I shared with Ghost...my PTSD gets the best/worst of me, which my poor wife can a test to...we've been married over 33 years.
    Unfortunately with lack of patience and poor judgement I let the worst of me come out...I am sure I am not the only one that has gone down this road....

    Again, like I shared with Ghost, I have huge fear of rejection and fear of failure...you wouldn't believe what I went through just to be able to come to this forum.
    Unfortunately PTSD is an equal opportunity "life smasher"... PTSD will present itself through various challenges in your life; it can be anger, deep depression, hopelessly withdrawn, etc.

    So, my PTSD has presented itself with an intense fear of failure and rejection...

    It is amazing, in the Air Force I flew as a boom in the back of a tanker flying over 400mph refueling a fighter or bomber with highly explosive fuel where the fighter or bomber were 20 to 30 feet behind me, and that didn't phase me!!
    But 2 words Rejection and Failure have brought me to my knees.....

    It was asked "what was I looking from you"...the answer is quit simple, I needed your help to help me overcome these terrifying fears....

    A point was brought up about me leaving...
    One thing disabled vets have down is running and hiding...stay as far away from any kind of interaction...not an excuse, just a challenge to overcome

    I soon found out that it wasn't running from others so much, as I was running from running from myself...I knew that I had to stop!!

    So, why have I come to this forum(s)...
    First a lot of encouragement from my beloved wife Linda...she knows how much I like to write, but feared anyone of note to read any of my stuff.
    Second, if I was going to do this, I was going to need a lot of help...and if I was going to get help, I wanted to get it from the best.

    Look, like I said, I screwed up royally...I am not "thin skinned" as it was eluded to. Going through flight school and survival training you grew thick skin in a hurry.
    It is just this fly boy has a 2 serious achilles tendons...Failure and Rejection....

    I have to be honest...I want to run away from this site so fast and forget it even existed...because, in my eyes, I "failed".........

    Why did I come back...I have a dream, I want to write and have someone say they liked what I wrote. Someone different than from the bias of a family.

    I know that you don't know me from Adam, and maybe what I said came across as a lot of whining...and maybe I am.
    All I know is that I have a dream...and I hoped this would be the place to come to grow this seed of a dream.

    And, please, no matter how this came across...no more "smack downs". I would greatly appreciate that much...

    Anyhow, I am at a loss as to where I go from here...how about a life preserver. (lol);)

    Thanks for your patience and a listening ear......BoomerBud
     
  17. ThievingSix
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    ThievingSix Member

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    I'm not going to play the psych here but it sounds like your fear of rejection and failure are what led you to a career in the Air Force. Perhaps you always had a level of anxiety associated with failure, however it was exasperated by a traumatic event leading to PTSD. I think if you have a passion to write, why not write about something you are passionate about. Writing could be a catalyst for therapeutic relief, as it seems you have lots of things floating around in your head. I can't really say what you would want to write about, but i can take a guess and say there's one particular story(or a series of stories) that you want to tell, but are afraid to. The best story's come from candid experience(not dramatised best-seller's), and it is never easy putting any work of yours out there for others to pick and chew at. If you know your happy with what you've written, there's a good chance the world will be too. Your often your own worst critic.

    I too suffered, and the answer to the problem is within you, you just need to find it. For me that wasn't easy, although in my case the traumatic event was not central to my fear, rather it was rather my creative brain feigning my logical brain and analysing every possible outcome, selecting the worst and calculating the probability of a bad occurrence(sounds stupid to me too).
     
  18. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    Welcome, Boomer.
    I'm glad to see you've decided to stick around and that you're so interested in writing. I'm eager to see what you have to say.

    As far as
    We can't really do that. Only you can do that. We can (collectively) improve your writing by sharing our thoughts and experiences.

    You have to remember that *everyone* and I mean everyone is afraid of failure and rejection. Recall that oft-cited statistic that states the number one fear is public speaking, even above death. The fear of public speaking is not so different from what we writers do -- when we write something, we've usually given it considerable thought. To use a cliche, often we've put our hearts an souls into the work. Sharing it with people is terrifying. And then to ask them what they thought is almost worse. What if they hated it -- it made them think we are crazy or stupid? What if they find me trite and boring? Oh, why did I ask for this feedback? In looking over what I wrote now, even I see it is terrible. I see now that I should have used a different phrase. Everyone is really going to think I'm a moron.
    The thing is, this never totally goes away. That fear is always there. Even for successful, published writers. There was just a piece in Salon last week written by a creative writing professor who has had a bunch of books published. He received a terrible review in the New York Times and it caused him great mental anguish. He determined that the reviewer had mis-read something at the beginning, and debate ensued from that point, which isn't relevant to the point I'm making now, which is: Even wildly successful writers get bad feedback. And many of them focus on that feedback. If you want proof, go to Amazon. Look at any widely-read book. Nobody has all 5 star reviews. A book might have 499 five star reviews and 2 one star reviews. And many writers focus on those two one-star reviews and lament -- *why??* Why-oh, why, did those two people hate my book and think I'm an idiot? It's just the way people are.

    So remember, if someone disagrees or points out something they'd change in something you wrote, it's not about you. It's about the piece of writing. Also, the fear of rejection is great fodder for stories. Many great pieces of writing center on this theme. So look at it as a positive -- you can tap into some great insight into the human condition. Everyone can relate to it, some are just better at hiding it or keeping it in check.
     
  19. Pheonix
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    Pheonix A Singer of Space Operas and The Fourth Mod of RP Staff Contributor

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    Yo! Welcome to the forum...back to the forum...whatever! :) Glad to have you here!
     
  20. moscowwoah
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    moscowwoah Member

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    I'm new to the forums as well, but my only advice to you as an aspiring writer, if you can't handle rejection, you're in the wrong field. Rejection is a part of writing. Stephen King was rejected countless times before he was finally published. Another write had his book rejected 53 times before he found publication. Rejection is part of the game.
     
  21. BoomerBud
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    BoomerBud New Member

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    Thanks for the welcome......

    Hi, Chicagoliz<
    Thanks for the welcome!!
    By the way you have already helped me considerably in regards to my fear of rejection and failure!!
    Most disabled vets unfortunately are close off and/or closed in and are just in need of encouragement and support.

    Anyhow, I am currently working on a book titled "Just Think". It is my journey confronting my "demons" of being a disabled vet and all that comes with it like PTSD, Suicide, Drugs, Alcohol, etc. and what I found out that helped me succeed and what held me back.
    There are a lot of books written by psychologists and psychiatrists on the subject, but few from those in the fight, where the rubber really meets the road.

    I have found that "experience" is an excellent teacher, but I think even a better teacher...is the "experience of others".
    Which brings me back to this forum where I can glean from your experience and that of others, and possibly get my experience out those who might benefit from what I have been through and learned.

    Thanks again Chicagoliz.....
    BoomerBud
     
  22. Trilby
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    Trilby Contributing Member Contributor

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    No matter how brilliant a writer/singer/actor/musician/comedian etc. is - 'you can't please all of the people all of the time'

    If you are serious about writing; then you will need to learn accept the negative responses along with the positive ones; no matter how good or bad a writer is they will get both.

    Over the last three weeks I have sent out a ms to 9 publishers - so far I've had five rejection, I am not upset about that on the contrary, I fully expected that to be the case; all I can do about it is hope one of the remaining publishers take me on - it is all part and parcel of being a writer.

    It is understandable for new writers to be apprehensive about their work - I know I was.

    The best advice I have to offer is - try to chill out and welcome to the forums.
     
  23. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thanks, BoomerBud!
    I'm not sure that there's much that makes me happier than to hear that something I said or wrote helped someone, so thank you so much for your very kind post.
    Best of luck with your book. It sounds interesting, and if you've found a gap out there on the subject, it's fantastic that you can fill it.

     
  24. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I don't understand - what were you expecting on the forum? That the admin floods your inbox with invitations to subforums and threads you'd be interested in? I think that might be expecting a little too much. It's not a cold forum - it's just a forum, like any other, and if you start interacting you'll find people who love you, people who appreciate you, yes people who hate you, people who find you annoying as hell, people who'd ignore you. In short - you'll find all sorts of people, just like any other community. If you were wanting a friendship group, a writer's support group or something, that's great but may I suggest a real life group would be of more help - it sounds like maybe what you're looking for is that personal contact and affection, and there's nothing wrong with that, but a forum isn't where you'll find that I think.

    I think you should just browse the forum for a bit, you know? It's ok to be a "lurker" (someone who hangs in the background, invisible) for a little while just to get used to things, see who posts what etc. Just hang around and see if there's anything that interests you. When you feel brave enough, or you feel like there's something you really wanna say on a topic, then post away! Your voice is as important as any. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with just browsing the forum and seeing if indeed this is the kinda community you wanna be part of, if it's relevant to you. Not all forums - just as not all communities - would be perfect for you, and that's ok.

    Get a flavour of the forum, and if you wanna stay cus you find things interesting and you find people's comments insightful, then fantastic. If you feel it is cold or harsh or somehow you can't relate - that's ok too. It doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with the forum, and it certainly doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Just sometimes we don't all fit into the same place, you know? No need to feel rejected. Find something/someone/somewhere that builds you up - and it's ok if it's not here, and it's no reflection on your writing or person. It might be here, it might not be.

    You sound like you're either quite young, or you're very, very sensitive. The internet can be quite a cruel place because we often forget that there is a face behind the username, behind every post. Sometimes it feels ok to be harsh - harsher than you would be if it had been in real life - because you don't know the person and you'll never meet them. Sometimes if a user disagrees with you or criticises you online, it can come across as harsher, because it is a stranger and you can feel judged or misunderstood. The tone of voice could be misinterpreted too. My advice would be, if indeed you are a very sensitive person, and you're wanting something more personal, an internet forum may not be for you. This is not to say you're not welcomed here - you very much are - but I'm just suggesting that a forum may not be most encouraging for you or the most helpful resource. For example, I like this forum but I don't post anything in the workshop - I don't want strangers judging my writing when it's in the rough, I prefer people I know. It's a personal preference. Do whatever would be most helpful for you, and don't think that just because you prefer something else that it makes you strange, or that there's something wrong. There's nothing wrong at all.

    Hugs and all the best and keep writing xxxx
     
  25. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    So far, this thread is the only place BoomerBud has posted.

    Boomer, you're very welcome her on the site, but I don't really think it's productive to continue this discussion.

    Come on in. The water's fine, and the natives very rarely resort to cannibalism.
     
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