Daughter: *Pointing to television screen* Daddy, what's that? Father: That's the Titanic. Daughter: What's the Tinatic? Father: No, it's Titanic. It was a big boat that sunk, even though people said it wouldn't. Daughter: Why'd the people lie? Father: *Sigh* Because, Lucy, they thought it wouldn't sink. It was the best boat built at the time. Daughter: I don't think so, Daddy. If it was the best boat built, it wouldn't sink. Father: Well, it did. A lot of people died, too. Daughter: Why'd they die? Father: Because the boat sank. Now, please, will you just go bother your mother? Maybe you can convince her that those pants don't make her butt look big... Describe the Halocaust.
Abby: Mommy, what's the Hallocawst? Mommy: O____O;; Daddy: Allow me. (Takes Abby aside) Now, Abby, the Holocaust was a horrible, horrible thing that happened a long time ago. Abby: What happened? Daddy: Well, long ago, there was this bad, bad man who thought it was okay to hurt people just because they were different. To put it this way: It's like if that schoolyard bully decided to burn down this houe with you in it because he didn't like your adorable freckles. Abby: (frightened) W-Will he do that? Daddy: No! Of course not. That man who hurt those people is dead. He won't be coming back. Abby: What about the bully at my school? Daddy: I don't think he can burn this house down. He's not that evil. Describe Alzheimer's Disease
Dad, what's Al's High Mer's Disease? Hm. What day is it today, Tim? Friday. And what did you have for breakfast? Weet-Bix! And how many times did you chew your fourteenth mouthful. What? How many times? Um.... I dunno. You can't remember? No. I can't. Okay. Alzheimer's is like that, but for everything. Oh. That would suck. It would, son, it would. Describe allergies
Allergies Son: What are allermagies? Dad: Allergies are your body's natural reaction to what it perceives as a threat. Son:... Dad: You know how you can't eat peanut butter? Son: ...yeah... *frowns* Dad: That's because you are allergic. If you eat peanut butter, your face and throat will puff up. Son: To make me look bigger so I scare the peanut butter away? Dad: Umm, sure. Son: Why don't you puff up when you eat penaut butter? Dad: Why don't you go ask your mother... Describe honor
Son: Mommy, what's honor? Mother: It's a state of thinking where doing te right thing is the most important thing to do. Like knights. Knights have honor. That's why they rescue the princesses from the towers. And Martin Luther King Jr. too. He had honor. Son: But didn't he get shot? Mother: Yes, sometimes people die for honor. That's how you know that they're really honorable. Son: Is Daddy honorable? Mother: *Smiles* I suppose so. Son: Is he gonna get shot? Mother: *Smiles Still* Well, I hope not. Describe Hell.
Son- Daddy what's hell? Dad- Woah. I don't want you saying that word. Where did you hear that? Son- You say it all the time. Dad- Yeah, well I'm the dad and I get to say things like that. Son- So, what is it? Dad- It's a swear word and we're not gonna talk about it any more. Son- I just wanted to know-- Dad- You back-sassin' me? Where's my belt? Son- Sometimes I don't like you so much daddy. Dad- Yeah, well right back at ya. Describe Murder
Son: What's hell? Dad: A very bad imaginary place that some people believe you go for not believing in their imaginary friend, God. Son: That's scary. Dad: Don't worry. You know how monsters don't exist? Son: Yeah. Dad: God and Hell are just like that. ah, beat me to it. i'll do murder too Son: What's murder? Dad: When someone makes someone else die. Son: Why would someone do that? Dad: People do it for all kinds of reasons, but the only right one is if you're protecting yourself. Otherwise, you're stealing someone's life. No one has that right. Son: Stealing? Dad: Yes, stealing their right to be alive and enjoy life. No one is better than anyone enough to do that, for any reason. Describe love
Son: Dad, what is love? Dad: well, its the backbone of the Christian faith Son:...what the poop? Dad: The word "love" in a earthly sense means "to make short people", like yourself. Or to just "have fun under the sheets of a king size bed".But in a Godly sense, it means "to wish someone to go to heaven". Son: ...I'll understand that when I am older maybe... Describe hatred.
Son: "Dad, what's hatred?" Dad: "Well, son, it's when you really really really don't like something." Son: "Like I don't like broccoli?" Dad: "More than that." Son: "More!? No way. I don't like broccoli the most." Dad: "And I hope in life that will always be your greatest dislike." Son: "Why?" Dad: "Because, when you don't like something so much that you hate it, then it feels like you are carrying stones under your skin and it feels heavy and you can't move or think. So when you hate something you must do everything you can to move away from it, so that you will be free from the stones." Son: "Hmm, yeah, I don't like broccoli but it doesn't feel like stones even when mum makes me eat it." Dad: "Good." Describe white-lie
Son: Dad, what's a white-lie? Dad: When you lie about something small that doesn't hurt anyone. It can even be nicer than telling the truth sometimes. Son: Wow. Like what? Dad: Like how me & your mom told you Mr.Twinkles went to the National Camp for Awesome Hamsters. Son: What?! You mean he didn't?! Where did he go??? Dad: We forgot to feed him while we were on vacation... Son: WHAT?!? Dad: See son? Wasn't it better believing a white-lie? Describe what an opinion is
you are my new favorite person, i hope you realize that...LOL Son: Dad, whats an opinion? Dad: its your view on something Son: like what? Dad: like i think that you were an accident, but you were planned by your mother. Son: ...whats an accident? Dad: Go ask your mother. *30 seconds later* Son: Dad, mom wants to say something very loud at you Dad: oh great. Describe idiocy
Son: Dad, what's idiocy? Dad: That's when people are being stupid. Son: Oh...Like if I were telling the class that Jefferson was our first president...That's idiocy? Dad: Yes. You're being stupid. Son: WHAAAAA!!! Describe surgery.
Kid: Mooo-ooom! What's surmgasry? Mom: What? Kid: Surmgastry... um... sergary... er... Mom: Oh! You mean surgery! Well, when somebody gets hurt really bad, they sometimes need to get cut open and have their insides fixed up too. Kid: Ewwww. If I fall of my bike and scrape my knee again, will I need surmgartosy? Mom: Of course not. And it's 'SURGERY' dear, say it with me. 'SIR' 'JER' 'EE' Kid: Schermsary. Mom: Surgery. Kid: Sirjarsee? Mom: SURGERY. If you say it wrong one more time, you're gonna need some... Describe why an apple a day keeps a doctor away.
Dad: No. No potato chips. Eat the apple instead. Boy: Why? Dad: Because it'll keep the doctor away. Boy: Is the Doctor afraid of apples? Dad: Sorta. Boy: Why? Dad: Because eating apples keeps you healthy. It gives you power to fight bad germs and diseases. Boy: Just like Superman!!!! Dad: Yes. Which means less income for the doctors.... Boy: What? Dad: Nothing.... eat the apples. Describe God.
Son: What's Gawd? Dad: It's "God". G-O-D. He's the guy who created the universe, time and everything. Son: Like...Like Doctor Who! Dad: No! Nothing like that. He's immortal. He created you, me, mommy, everyone. Son: Sooo...He's Doctor Who's daddy! Dad: Um, no. Remember Sunday School? Son: Doctor Who's Jesus? Dad: Ugh! Who's been teaching you this? Mom: I have. Dad: Why? Mom: Because I love to torment you. Describe Emptiness
Son: Mommy, what's emptiness? Mother: It's when there's an space, with nothing to fill it. Son: Like my tummy? There's nothing to fill THAT... *Holds Out Hands*. Mother: *Sighs* Why does every conversation with you lead to me giving you a cookie? Describe irony.
/cracks knuckles ... ow oh god my knuckles hurt "Irony? Aren't you in, like, the third grade?" "Just tell me what it means." "No, for real. I think I had my first speeding ticket before I knew what that was." "*sigh*" "Okay, okay, fine. It's like.... um.... well, okay. Batman." "...Batman?" "He's allergic to kryptonite, right?" "... you mean Superman." "Yeah, okay. So he hops out of his Batmobile one day--" "*sigh*" "-- and the Green Goblin pops out all 'Hurrrr! You're going down!' and Aquaman's all 'Oh no! I left my sword in the Mystery Machine!' and it looks like he's in trouble but then a GIANT boulder of kryptonite falls on the bad guy." "...." "So see, you EXPECT the kryptonite to be bad, but it ends up saving him. That's ironi... hey, where you going?" "DMV. I think I'm good for my license." "Hang on hang on, I didn't even get to the part with Rivendell..." Describe those Magic Eye... things.
Son: what the heck is this? *shows magic eye...thing* Dad: those are manifestations of the devil, Johnny. you should put that back in the closet. Son: awwww do i have to? Dad: Now Johnny. Son: what does it do? Dad: it grants you demonic vision. Son: Whoa! I'm telling that tomorrow at show and tell! *pause* Mom: What the- tell your father to get his butt over here, NOW! Dad: oops... Describe justice
Son: What's justice, mommy? Mommy: Justice is when the bad man gets punished for bad doing. Son: So... Mommy: For example, if you stole a muffin from the platter, you would get no candy. Son: Oh, I get it! So it's like when I beat that bully up with a peice of wood today because he pushed me around for the last time! Mommy: I-I (splutters) What the hell?! Daddy: (Aside to son) Ssshh.... Describe thermonuclear war and nuclear winter.
*watching tv* Son: whats that? Dad:Thermonuclear war is bad. and in nuclear winter, which is what we are in, we are always cold, and we mutate and have 3 eyes. Son: Like Mr Jones's cows? Dad: exactly. now, put your mask on and lets go outside and play. describe aggressive drivers
Son: Mommy, what's an aggressive driver? Mother: It's when drivers will ride around recklessly with no one in mind but themselves. Like when you drive around in your little trike, almost running over Daddy's toes! But once they're stuck in a traffic jam, they get VERY mad, and say bad words to the other drivers. Son: So aggressive drivers will run over Daddy's toes and cuss because they don't like jam? Mother: ...kind of. Son: Why don't they just have butter on their bread? Mother: I don't know Dear, I don't know. Describe the economy.
Kid: What's the economy? Dad: It's what keeps us in this nice house, now shut up. Kid: Mommy, what's the economy? Mom: People buying and selling stuff for outrageous prices. Kid: Like what? Mom: You can have this toy back for nineteen-ninety nine. Kid: That's not Fair!!! Mom: Exactly. Describe Family Guy.
Son: What's Family Guy? Dad: A show that comes on late at night. You're not allowed to watch it. Son: *Says a quote from Family Guy* Dad: Wh-where did you get that!? Son: Daddy, there's this thing called the internet and Youtube. I don't need to watch TV anymore... Describe Red Dead Redemption
Son: What's Red Dead Redemption? Dad: Well, son, I can see you've been looking through Dad's games! This particular one is 18-rated, so you can't play it yet! Son: I know, that's why I want to play it! All my friends play it. Dad: Well I'll tell you about it, but you might find the disc is missing from the case. Son: So what do you do in it? Dad: You're a cowboy, a man with a dark past. You used to run with a gang, meting out vigilante justice on anyone dumb enough to oppose you! Son: Justice? Sounds cool! Is that with guns and stuff? Dad: Well, you don't run with the gang now. You've been tasked with hunting down the chief members and bringing them to justice in order to see your family again. Son: A family? That sounds kind of lame, do you have to look after them? Dad: Oh no, don't worry, you get to shoot hundreds of bad cowboys for the first three main chapters of the game before you have to deal with them. Though, you do have to look after them a little when you find them again. Son: Hmm, I dunno. Dad: You get to hunt elks, bears and wolves! Son: Cool! That sounds so cool! Oh man, can I play it, pleeeease? Dad: You've got a good ten years yet before I'll let you. Or, well, I know, keep up the continued good behaviour and I might let you watch me play it when you're 12. Son: Pfft. So,what's that you're playing now? Dad: Oh, it's Five Finger Fillet 2010, you wouldn't like it. Describe Scotland.
Scotland is the place where kilts and bagpipes come from. It's also where "Braveheart" takes place. Describe what a Mortgage is.
