Tags:
  1. manu
    Offline

    manu New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0

    Description Help

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by manu, Mar 1, 2016.

    Hi Guys! First, my english is terrible. Second, I wrote a book in portuguese and I really want to pay for someone translate it. But, before this, I really would like to listen your opinions about my description that I translate.

    Destinaded:
    Laura Antunes is a young woman on your last year in high school who knows exactly what she wants. At the top of your eighteen aniversary, she wants only three things:
    To Continue studying hard;
    To be Able to keep her best friends close by;
    And, finally, fall in love for the first time in your "long existence".
    When the young officer Gabriel Fernandes gets his first opportunity to investigate a crime outside of the policial building, he knows exactly what to do:
    To Unravel the mysteries behind the business man Luiz Falcon;
    To Get out, definitely, of the bureaucratic field of the police;
    And, finally, do not fall in love by the hag girl he just met.
    The love really may overcomes all obstacles ... or certain lies could destroy the strongest of feelings?
     
  2. doggiedude
    Online

    doggiedude Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2016
    Messages:
    1,450
    Likes Received:
    1,247
    Location:
    Florida, USA, Earth, The Sol System
    Destinaded:
    Laura Antunes is a young woman on her last year in high school she knows exactly what she wants. At the top of her eighteenth birthday, she only wants three things:
    To continue studying hard, keep her best friends close, and to fall in love for the first time in her "long existence".
    To Continue studying hard;
    To be Able to keep her best friends close by;
    And, finally, fall in love for the first time in your "long existence".

    When the young officer Gabriel Fernandes gets his first opportunity to investigate a crime outside of the police building, he knows exactly what to do.
    He wants to unravel the mysteries behind the business man Luiz Falcon and definitely get out of the bureaucratic police department.
    He also would like to not fall in love with that
    hag girl he just met.
    Does love really overcome all obstacles .. or can certain lies destroy the strongest of feelings.
    The love really may overcomes all obstacles ... or certain lies could destroy the strongest of feelings?

    - As a side note the term "hag girl" isn't a normal term someone would use. It's not wrong, and I actually like it but it would not be a common thing for someone to say.
    Also, it is very rare that a ; or : is used in modern English. Again, it's not wrong but I was always told that if I wanted to use one the sentence could probably be written better or broken into two sentences.

    Good luck
     
  3. Shadowfax
    Offline

    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2014
    Messages:
    2,504
    Likes Received:
    1,337
    ETA: You asked about your synopsis, not for us to correct your grammar! Read the question!

    OK, there's nothing wrong with the story, but there's nothing really original about it. Having said that, Shakespeare copied the plot for Romeo and Juliet. The important thing was how he wrote it.

    The problems you'll have are 1/ whether your writing (in Portugese) is good enough. 2/ Whether the translation into English is good enough. It's not enough for the translation to be accurate, it must also be good to read.
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2016

Share This Page