People say you can be anything you want to be. Do anything you want to do. This is a lie. But work drives me insane. I either need more to occupy outside of work (time permitting - HA right.) Or I need less hours and another job. OR I just need something completely different. But this is an easy job and I can't do it at all. I'm surrounded by the worst kinds of people (not BAD, just not people I can stand to be around. I rarely TRULY hate anyone, but i tend not to want to "bother" with anyone unless they have similar interests. This doesnt happen here) and everything is a lie. I am encouraged to lie and be fake and that tears me apart every single time. No wonder I'm going nuts. So this is a post intended to explore things myself and hopefully some people here might know something or have advice for or against (although who knows what happens, like i told my manager today, I have no no control over what I do, just because i think something doesn't mean that is what i'll do, no matter how much it should be done :/) In the past: Author Scriptwriter Music Journalist Film Journalist Critic Music Photographer There are major flaws with all of those. Especially the lack of constant income. I need to have money. Ideally. Of course. To support GOING to gigs. Author/Scriptwriter - I have characters, ideas, I join writing forums, and read up frequently on the subject. I enjoy reading, when time and will permits, but I don't think I will ever have the quality in my writing to make it worthwhile. It would be ideal though, to be able to work part of full time, but have this on the side to balance things out a bit. Unfortunately... Journalist/Critic - I am not openly inquiitive enough. I think of things too late and spend far too long thinking about things before or after something. I'm also too "soft" and couldn't interrogate anyone. I am overly honest though, but I think that is probably a bad thing. I still tend to dream about the music side of it, but again, I will never have what it takes. Music Photographer - Whenever I go to a gig, I have my £200+ digital camera with 12x zoom which I love more than anyone i see on a daily basis At a recent Metallica gig, whilst being crushed, my priority was to protect the camera, not my ribs! Boy did it pay off. Obviously, i'm young with not a clue about REAL photography. Did a unit at college as part of my Media Production course but I don't remember much of that. I did have a contact, on Facebook, who I met at a gig, and who does photography for a band, but i deleted my account and forgot to get an email address I know it's not a proper job but it's the only thing that is always floating around my head. I am let down when cameras are prohibited at any gig, but respect the artists. Plus, music is all i have. Literally. As much as THAT hurts too. I have some pictures I am quite proud off, considering. But nevertheless... HA. ¬_¬ I just wish something was feasible. I know this will phase out again, then return again. I haven't had a gig all this month. My next is in July, but tickets haven't arrived and i'm on edge and worrying they never will. Maybe I wil feel better after my "fix" but... There is nothing REGULAR/NORMAL I can stand. I hate the GENERAL public and i hate FALSITY. Help? Somehow? Or just give me a slap to wake me up. Anything will do I guess.