1. Boger

    Boger Contributing Member

    Sep 27, 2014
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    The Dome of the Slate

    difficulty taking a step back

    Discussion in 'Progress Journals' started by Boger, Dec 4, 2015.

    I have written 75000 words and I am a bit nervous about it. Most of them are initially unrelated stories but I am passionate about all of them. I also enjoy reading as much and this is something that keeps intriguing me equally intently, I never loose my interest in reading, as seeing how inspiring and potent my great examples are. It is something I can't really fathom and one of the miracles of life. I think there are those people who just know they are one of the best writers in the world, and I don't feel like I am one of them.

    Well I'm in a temporary break and think about the projects now and then. Essentially when I first took a break after a short while I started to connect dots between completely unrelated short stories and started to make the characters meet each other and become part of each other's world.

    It was a great step into the unknown because it was something I never did before. As you can tell from the little experience I have... Yet I never planned it, I can't take credit for planning any other of anything I did as a writer. It is as if these things come to me and all I have to do is breathe life to it. The short stories surprised me and so did the advancement of connecting them surprise me.

    Why the nervousness? Here is the thing. As I said before I can get passionate when reading my own work, I won't be modest here. Yet, while being honest, I don't expect to inspire the same passion in any reader, just because I don't think I am that good. And that I'm not sure if I'm doing things right.

    So I hope after my break I take another unexpected turn which helps me to take that next step. But I am really scared that there is nothing more to it: I have a basic outline to a meager story, which is fun, but there still needs to be an end. I am also still shuffling with the order of which part comes first, when do I let things happen and in what place.

    One thing I am confident about is that the work is not done yet and I can only hope I don't loose interest in my own project before I decide to make something out of it. Then at least when it is finished it comes down to personal taste to be the judge... ultimately. Bottom line is that at this point I can't publish yet (or should I say expose) and when I read my own things I am out of ideas.

    I can't force myself to continue when it becomes difficult but I don't want to give up.

    It's like I had writer's block, build a wall out of those blocks and now I am actually a stuck writer. That's not a real writer is it. I somehow want to be a real writer.

    Difference between myself and the writers I draw inspiration from is that they not only have a good writer's voice, but also what seems to be the skill to produce streamlined content. I am not sure I own any of those qualities. If I self-reflect on that point then I think I do have a writer's voice but the pessimist in me tells me it only looks that way because I have no style and that I am too inexperienced to even have one.

    And the content is barely more interesting then the real world. But in the first place I would like to work on finishing the main thing of which I have made a certain start, and then put it online or something and there should be people enjoying a blog.

    I am reluctant on sharing anything online before I have anything good. I see the benefits of sharing but it has to be with anyone who shares the same passion, favorably someone who's as occupied as me about the stuff that I write about. That's what I think the successful writers rely on. Even when you do it alone you'd have to get some kind of distance for you to evolve as a writer with your work.

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