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  1. Marshmallow
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    Marshmallow Member

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    Do you believe in love?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Marshmallow, Jul 19, 2009.

    Now I know what you're about to say:

    How do you not believe in love?

    Well, I don't. I believe that there is a three-pronged level of commitment that people achieve when they find a "partner":

    -Lust
    -Trust
    -Comfort

    With these, people mistake this thing called 'love'.

    And for the sake of argument, someone define love. :p


    Anyone share my feelings/challenge them?

    (In case you haven't noticed, this is out of boredom. Feel free to slap me as hard as you can when you meet me in person for this. :rolleyes:)
     
  2. Acglaphotis
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    Acglaphotis Contributing Member

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    Perhaps it's the fact that I'm unable to trust people, but I think that (prolonged comfort/familiarity) + (lust/inability to do better) + (initial infatuation) = love. It's easier to define it in math.
     
  3. yellowm&M
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    yellowm&M Contributing Member Contributor

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    Personally I believe in love. (FYI this is going to probably sound like a bunch of fluffy girly crap to you lol) I would define love as, like you said, trust and faith and all of that but it's not lust, love is a deep copnnection and understanding of the other person and an appreciation and adoration of all the little things that make up that person, though in my opinion love is exactly definable, it's something that just is.
    Well thats my opinion anyways. :)
     
  4. Gone Wishing
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    Gone Wishing Contributing Member

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    Oki -I have a well practiced slapping hand.

    Love is kind of the thing that is definable by your individual experience of it.
    The mistake, I think, is in trying to use other words to explain what it means.

    To me, love = love, rather than there being any sum of particular emotions that are supposed to = love.
     
  5. TheWarlocklord
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    TheWarlocklord Member

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    Dunno, never have been in love before, so at the moment I only read about it in books and see in the tv shows that I watch. Like one of the other poster's, isolating one's self at times tends to lead to a period of foreboding and lack of love. But really I think it just depends on how one perceives it (and perceives themselves).

    As for your "three levels" I really do not think lust is the appropriate word for it. Lust usually is a connotation of evil sexual thoughts, rather than a term of affection. Further, lust would seem to be more of an unhealthy obsession over something you cannot have. Why else is lust one of the seven deadly sins?

    Trust and comfort though is something that is necessary in all aspects of life. For a successful friendship to occur there must be trust. For a relationship there must be trust. But as I said, I wouldn't know. I'm only 23, but work is my lover. (ok that sounded kind of sad, but made sense in my head).
     
  6. Gone Wishing
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    Gone Wishing Contributing Member

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    ^^ I tend to think love and lust go pretty well hand in hand... that's one of the things about the English language - in examining things we don't quite understand, we tend to separate it's components and define them one by one until they become separate ideas all together. (Which is what I meant a bit by trying not to use other words to define love, it's like the whole yin yang thing. kinda. maybe. o_O).
     
  7. Ragnar
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    Ragnar Contributing Member

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    Someone delete this thingy.(My reply)
     
  8. Gone Wishing
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    Gone Wishing Contributing Member

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    Who said anything about other women?

    I think it's perfectly reasonable to lust after the person you're in a relationship with. Who says the object of lust has to be someone you can't actually have?
     
  9. Ragnar
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    Ragnar Contributing Member

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    It's reasonable yes, doesn't mean it's impossible to lust for other women at the same time. Annoyingly possible.
     
  10. Gone Wishing
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    Gone Wishing Contributing Member

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    Sure, never mentioned that was impossible, all I was talking about was that lust doesn't have to be separated from love. I mean, they can be one.

    Or rather, I don't like the idea that love is a "banner", so to speak, and all these other words/emotions get attributed or annotated to it underneath. They can be on the same level and shared as part of one experience. That's all.
     
  11. marina
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    marina Contributing Member Contributor

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    Love transcends any mathematical formula. It's irrational. Sometimes fleeting. It's a darn mystery, is what it is.
     
  12. Ferb
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    Love is just a term we use to describe a feeling we all have. Ergo, it exists.

    That being said, I don't view romantic love in the way that most people do. Love isn't sweet or beautiful; it's temporary, it's conditional, it's selfish, it's demanding, and it's stupid.

    The love of a mother to her child is arguably selfish and stupid as well, but at least it's unconditional and forever - or so I like to think.
     
  13. Marshmallow
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    Marshmallow Member

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    Really Ferb? Speak for yourself. And keep in mind that I am speaking of the "true love" kind of thing, not motherly love or that other gushy family mess.

    Also, lust can also be defined as just straight up physical attraction. We all lust.:)
     
  14. LordKyleOfEarth
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    LordKyleOfEarth Contributing Member Contributor

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    I believe in a thing called love...
    [​IMG]
     
  15. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think love is a lot harder to define than it is to feel, but I definitely believe it exists. I don't think anyone could feel the way I do about Joel and not believe in true love. May sound corny or sappy, but it's the way I feel. Almost like there was always a little piece of my life that was missing, and now that I've found it, everything is ten thousand times better. :)
     
  16. Necromortis
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    Necromortis Member

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    I believe in love. I don't have much time, so I can't really spend the time I'd like on this post, so forgive me if this doesn't make much sense. I'll be back in something like 10 hours to clarify (I'm on vacation, and have a big day planned).

    Love, to me, is very different from 'Lust, Trust, Comfort.' True love (and yes, I'll be sounding like a "mushy girl," but you did ask) transcends all of that. It requires those three (I believe), but there's much more to it than that.

    It's the irrational feeling that makes you miss your partner at odd moments in the night, even if they're only away for a day, or even if they're just on the other side of the bed. It's the terror that you feel when they get hurt, or almost step in front of a car on a busy street, that's so much more powerful and electrifying than any terror you've ever felt in similar situations, including those involving your family. It's the feeling that you would die for that person if it was necessary. It's the desire to give them everything they could ever want, and then some. It's the flood of happiness every time you see them smile. It's the feeling that something has just clicked and now you're whole, when you didn't even know you were missing something before.

    At least, that's how it is for me. Sorry I can't define it in more concrete terms.

    ~Christian
     
  17. Kas
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    Kas Contributing Member

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    "What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons." -Donald Draper, from the tv show Mad Men.

    The conversation from which I extracted that quote got me hooked on the show. I think you can tell where I stand.:p
     
  18. Hsnodgrass
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    Hsnodgrass Senior Member

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    I believe in love. The first woman I ever loved, however, has been dating one of my best friends for about four years now though. So it goes, I missed the golden opportunity with her and he snagged it, good on him.

    Now, whenever I get into it with a girl, I tend to think it's tainted. I think of the emotion I had for that girl once upon a time and nothing stacks up. I think love is almost about the search and philosophical pondering rather than just about the end term. When you experience the emotion for the first time you taste the water of the holy grail, the rest is just a quest for the same. You never know when you might find it again, but when you do, no matter how much you try and doubt it, something close to spiritual clicks inside of you.

    One of the worst things to do is let self-doubt take over. I fell in love with another girl shortly after the first but I doubted it. I enjoyed everything about her yet I told myself "This can't be it, nothing can stack up to her." Needless to say, I was wrong.

    I guess what I'm getting at is, you can not understand it. It's like having someone explain being blind. You can grasp what they are telling you about the fundamental difference of life for said person but you have not experienced that feeling. When the Big L hits you, you will know. It's primordial. It reaches back into the depths of your humanity and strikes a chord that all of your ancestors, probably back to Lucy, have heard. If you need it defined just keep looking and the definition will thrust itself upon you eventually. Just don't question it when it happens.

    Don't try to buy into that soul-mate, only person for me BS because it is feeble. Don't try to rationalize love like a math equation. Don't try to relate it to lust or compassion or anything else. Love is what it is and that is all. And what it is... is everything at that time.

    / Slightly drunk, sorry for the rant.
    // Also single, so this post should probably be taken with a grain of salt.

    *Edit* Should have read above replies before posting, sorry for similarity to Necromortis. Not trying to plagiarize or anything.
     
  19. Xeno
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    Xeno Mad and Bitey Contributor

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    DAMN YOU! :mad: That's exactly what I was going to put! :D

    I've only been in love once, so I can't exactly define it, but it's just something you... know. When you experience it, you know about it.

    Or twice, if you count my ex. But I don't. ;)

    (Just listen to the Rhythm of my Heart)
     
  20. Dante Dases
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    Dante Dases Contributing Member Contributor

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    Dammit, beaten to it :p

    Whilst love is only a feeling, I do believe in it. I've experienced it twice (OK, so once was a teenage infatuation, something I ended up giving up on), and in my experience it's a bit of a one-way ticket to eventual despair, but it's never left me stuck in a rut in the way it's left me invigorated whilst feeling it.

    Admittedly, my experiences haven't been entirely positive, so I've not got a rose-tinted view of the romantic world. The way things ended with my last girlfriend left me doubting myself, other people, and the rest of the world in general, putting me in a self-destructive streak. But I have no doubt that when I once again find the right young woman, I'll recover my faith in the world through the healing power of love.

    And I didn't mean to evangelise at the end, so if that came across as a bit clich├ęd and cheesy, I apologise.
     
  21. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    And why should that gushy family mess be left out?

    I think that there are many ways to fall in love. Yes, fall in love. That strange little phrase that we reserve and leave for special use only when we speak of romantic love. Shame, that. I think if we recognized, appreciated, and respected the different ways there are to fall in love, we would live in a better place.

    Any parent will tell you that they fall in love with their children.

    I think you can fall in love with friends, those special and very dear friends with whom you know there is something different, something special.

    You might be thinking,"Eeewwww! Creepy!" right now, but if you are, then it just means that you are one of those who has given a terribly narrow definition to falling in love.

    When I say that parents fall in love with their children, I don't mean anything gross or perverted, I mean the overwhelming knowledge that this little person is a part of you, depends on you, needs you, in a way that is unlike anything else. You would do anything, anything, to ensure this little person's happiness, contentment, joy of life. I can't think of a better definition of falling in love.

    Can the same thing happen between friends without crossing the line into romantic love? Of course it can. How many novels have been written about just that? Friendships that transcend time, lovers, husbands, wives, almost everything. Friendships that travel to the brink and back and remain as solidly bonded as anything. You don't think Samwise was in love with Frodo? Of course he was. Not gay romantic love. Brotherly love. Frodo sends Samwise packing after falling under Golum's spell, and still Samwise never once wavers from the idea that he must help his friend. Little timid, simple Samwise risks life and limb to save his friend. Samwise's love for Frodo is as pure and profound as anything I have ever read.

    Samwise is the real hero of that saga, and his heroism finds its strength in his love for Frodo.

    We don't say fall in love for those kinds of relationships, but that's just our own silliness and fear of being hurt. I have fallen in love with friends. I have told them as much, of course with my explanation of things so they don't get the idea I want to take their pants off.

    What do the Rastafarians say?

    One love. One life.

    That sounds quite nice to me. Quite nice indeed.

    *imagines what I might look like in dreds*
     
  22. Rumpole40k
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    Rumpole40k Banned

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    I think Wrey's description is probably one of the most sound explanations of the term I ever heard. That being said, I would like to add one other facet - commitment. It doesn't sound romantic, I know, but long after the initial "thrill" has passed and through those moments where even the closest of soul mates will disagree commitment will see you through. Remove commitment and you'll end up finding yourself flitting from one "love" to the next. Yes, I believe in love but to last it has to be tempered with commitment.


    ~R
     
  23. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    I 100% agree with this description.

    You're right, Wrey. I never really thought about that before, but I definitely believe that you can fall in love with family members/friends. I was in the delivery room when my nephew was born, and from the moment I saw him, I was in love with him. It's the same with my siblings. They may drive me crazy sometimes, but I would walk through fire for them. I think when you can love someone so intensely that it hurts, you've fallen in love with them. No one said it had to be falling into romantic love.

    Agreed. You don't have much if you don't have commitment.
     
  24. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    here's my take on it:

    http://saysmom.com/maia/content.asp?Writing=77

    and, fyi, i'm a mother of 7 [1 boy, 6 girls], grandmom of 17, going on 19 [majority of which are male], was a dedicated and enthusiastic man-lover for decades, having been totally brainwashed in re the fairy tale of romantic love, by books, movies, religion and parents, etc....

    conclusions drawn in the work linked here and much of my other writings are the result of a lifetime of personal experience and observation, coupled with decades of studying the human race's history and behaviors, as a full-time, practicing philosopher...
     
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  25. Kas
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    Kas Contributing Member

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    Wow, Maia. That was brilliant. It's a rare pleasure to read something like that in a blog format. I've had similar thoughts in the past, but I never took it so far, and I could not express the idea half so well if I tried. Imagine my delight in seeing my own budding thoughts advanced upon. And it looks like something you just threw together on the spot one day, like you just sat down and recorded a train of thought for the hell of it. I'll be stalking you everywhere now. You'll never get rid of me.:p
     

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