Okay, got it. But I don't agree that the ball is a good example. I caught crap because I used stubs. But I get your point
Stubs? Do you mean fragments? Properly used fragments are yet another tool in one's toolbox, just like similes. I use them all the time. It's not do or don't; it's when, where and how.
Off topic, I think this should be another thread. But yeah, I used them too often and was not aware of the fact. That has been remedied
Both are the same thing. It is when you write a sentence which is not grammatically correct. Like.. 'Jaraley leaned against this wall, slid down, took a long swallow of his sedative. Covered his face with his hands. Fuck!' Used sparingly *points above* they can be a tool as Wrey and Wayjor have said, but use them too often and they disrupt flow
Uhm, I am not sure you could say it like that. For me they come up when I am deep in the head of my MC, when there are strong emotions. Yes, in a sense it is pacing. If my MC is shocked, when things make no sense or too much sense, then I am prone to use fragments - and then they have their place. For me, I have found that I shouldn't use them too often. People get kind of irritated if there is no good reason to use them (and they are right!)
Oh ok. So if you're observing the character's thoughts or emotions closely, it makes it feel more intimate?
STUBS Umm, eh, fff, mebbe use a comma, a semi-comma, colon, a 'he,' a dash of something, not a full stop, I don't think so, it looks like error, respectfully, D-. He washed his face, brushed his tooth. His tooth shone like a tooth in a mouth all by itself, all alone tooth, lonely tooth in a cavity all by himself, how he lingered. Solo peg, quite perfect at a table laid for one, if only he could chew...something, wrong tooth in the right place, a tragedy for the nation of teeth somewhere else, far, far away. I'm still trying to write a stub, I can't do it, I am trying. Teeth.
A fragment (or stub) can be used for lots of things. Just one of those things you have to have a feel for. It's hard to explain one that's well done, but one that doesn't work is obvious. As @matwoolf showed, it can paint train of thought. But it can also isolate a concept and trim it of its mechanical extraneous bits for impact, or brevity, or drama. Some fragments are part of regionalisms. In the UK there is a particular flavor of speech that allows one to say, "He said he would call, but he never." In America that fragment feels strange and lacking in purpose and just... wrong. In the UK, it would intone accent and age and socioeconomic position.
Well, in America people 'thermalise' apparently, whilst we put on a coat. That's a nice sentence of yours tho @Wreybies...and would make an excellent prompt. "He said he would call, but he never."
Thermalise? That must be a thing up in the tundra states. I'm a warm weather model, Mattie. If anything, I have to refrigerate.
Fragment (stub), like a brainknife scything images, a scimitar simile, metaphor machete carving hacking meaning, mmm, mmm. Fragment-simile-metaphor. Fragmiletaphor. There. Thread back on topic.
I know this thread is a little old but would like to jump in with my own question, if no one minds. Do similes work better if they're integrated within the actual action sentence instead of made into a separate sentence all of their own? For example: The tall, tan grass waved lazily in the slight breeze, undulating across the field in a dance known only to its own kind. The tall, tan grass waved lazily in the slight breeze. It undulated across the field as though in a dance known only to its own kind. Or is this not even considered a simile? I think I'm confused.
Hi @BC Barry, welcome to the forums! I'll have crack at answering your questions. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The answer here is subjective and depends entirely on context (it's your call based on your judgement of rhythm, pace, tone, etc.). One thing, not related to your questions, in your sentences above the word across after undulated makes me think the grass is walking over the field from one side to the other, which I don't think is your intention. Your first example is a metaphor – you've said the grass is dancing in a way known only to itself. Grass can't dance or know, but you've said it is and it does, so it's a metaphor. Your second example is a simile – you've said the grass is undulating as though it were dancing in a way known only to itself. You've made a comparison – grass is like this – so you've written a simile. I hope that helps!
It does help. Thank you. In the middle of the night I wasn't seeing the difference. Now I do. I'll have to work on those meandering bits of grass, too. Thanks for the suggestion!
