1. CGB
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    CGB Active Member

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    Does this sound awkward?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by CGB, Jun 25, 2015.

    The below paragraph is what I'm talking about. Context = The character is simply reflecting and extrapolating the meaning of some clues.

    "He zeroed in hard on these facts. They were a mess, for sure, and like a complicated puzzle even the pieces that seemed to fit belonged on different sides of the cardboard. Yet from the chaos, the basic shape of the truth was starting to emerge."​
     
  2. SwampDog
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    SwampDog Contributing Member

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    How about, He zeroed in on the mess of facts - a complicated puzzle like a double-sided jigsaw. Yet from the chaos...

    Leave out the idiomatic for sure, and cardboard just doesn't work for me. And check your tenses - started instead of was starting (to match zeroed.) Even that short paragraph can be tightened up.

    See if there's anything there that may help.
     
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  3. CGB
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    CGB Active Member

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    Thank you, excellent recommendations. I suppose I was trying to do too much there lol.
     
  4. RevGeo
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    RevGeo Member

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    I don't see any problem with for sure if your writing style regularly uses idiomatic words or phrases.
    A funny (to me) aside: I asked my wife the same question about a paragraph of mine and she said "That's like me asking you if these jeans make my ass look fat.".
     

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