1. TheDarkWriter
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    TheDarkWriter Active Member

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    Does this sound believable?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by TheDarkWriter, Jul 5, 2016.

    I'm choosing a rewrite and this is what I'm thinking of going with. An heiress was kidnapped at the age of 13 and sold into sexual slavery. She eventually escaped but never returned home too ashamed. Essentially her parents died and she's contacted by a mysterious half brother who found her after years of searching. Essentially he convinces her to come live and work for him.

    He does this because she's reluctant to go back to her old life and so he says "Tell you what if you come back you dont have to tell people who you are at least not until your ready. So how about for one year you come work for me live in the house and I'll pay you to cook, clean, run errands, and be my assistant. I'll also teach you how to run the business with me if you want. After a year or when ever you before that you can take what's rightfully yours or not but the offer to come back will always be on the table."

    Does this sound believable? Also is it a reasonable offer for someone trying to connect with a lost sibling to make?

    Essentially he's a world class detective and she becomes like his watson. My other proble is I don't really know what her job title would be. Essentially she starts out cooking, cleaning, running errands and later starts acting as an assistant. I don't really know what her job title is though.
     
  2. izzybot
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    izzybot Human Disaster Contributor

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    I'm not sure why she'd be willing to leave whatever she's got going on already to come do menial labor for someone she hasn't seen in years (or doesn't know at all?). If her previous situation is pretty terrible I could see it, but in that case I'm not sure why she'd need to be bribed. If it's sort of a dignity thing and she kind of wants to come back but wants to feel useful as well, I don't know if essentially being his maid fits the bill. As for whether it's a reasonable offer for him to make, that kind of depends on what kind of person he is - would he think it's reasonable?
     
  3. TheDarkWriter
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    TheDarkWriter Active Member

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    Her current living situation is pretty bad which is why she agrees. For her it's a dignity thing but she's too ashamed of what she's been through to go back to her old life and name. He offers it as a way to give her an excuse to move back in to her old home.
     
  4. Steerpike
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    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    I think you could sell it, if well written. I'm more likely to have trouble with the "sold into sexual slavery" thing, which I find tedious. To me, that's more challenging to get past than the arrangement you propose for when she comes home.
     
  5. ShannonH
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    ShannonH Senior Member Supporter

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    I'd agree with this. The main thing I took from your synopsis was the character's past. It stood out to me in a negative way. I'm not sure why it needs to be as a sex slave or why someone would feel shame about being kidnapped.

    I'd personally find it a more interesting concept if the girl ran away from home and had no other option but to turn to that trade. It would make her shame more plausible, in my opinion.
     
  6. TheDarkWriter
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    TheDarkWriter Active Member

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    The idea behind her being kidnapped is that at first she was forced into the prostitution then became so beaten down that she did it willingly (even as an adult she's an escort) and got addicted to drugs and did so many disgusting things that she never felt she deserved to go back. Though you do pose a good suggestion since her choosing to do it would add genuine shame the more I think about it the more that sounds easier to explain.

    Part of the reason I was going with that route was that she would initial plan to get revenge only to discover that everyone responsible was dead and under mysterious circumstances. Like car accidents, heart attacks, drug overdoses gang shoot outs, and gas leak explosions. All in all an entire cartel would be completely wiped out. This was to add some eeriness to her mysterious half brother who she's just now getting to know.
     
  7. IHaveNoName
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    IHaveNoName Active Member

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    If he lives in a large house/manor, she'd essentially be a housekeeper. Not a bad gig, I'd say.
     
  8. Caveriver
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    Caveriver Active Member

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    1) Motivation to leave the life she has begun post-slavery would need to be clearly represented.
    2) What are her emotions to returning, specifically: does she blame someone in partiular for allowing her to be in danger (and kidnapped) in the first place? What sort of an emotion leap is this, for her to take on the emotional challenge of beginning a path to eventually reclaiming "what is rightfully hers." What motivations make her willing to do so, instead of making a clean break and putting it all behind her? Money, revenge (on family... or captors?), self-punishment?
    3) Who is the brother, and what are his own motivations? (Guilt? Redemption? Orders from someone trying to destroy his sister?)

    Feels like an emotionally loaded plot, with lots of potential, if you were to set it up well and follow through on all the questions it would raise.
     

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