1. Xerclipse
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    Xerclipse Member

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    Does this sound like Star Wars?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Xerclipse, Apr 18, 2016.

    I have been working up a story. So now that we all know and love a popular space opera.... I really want to know if my story is way too close with Star Wars. I'll give you the details. I hope this doesn't seem like info dump.

    Backstory:

    Humans have moved onto a new solar system. The people colonized the five planets of the solar system. Eventually 4 of the colonies became power hungry, greedy, and defensive over their resources. This lead to the 50 year war known as the Supreme Wars. It was very brutal, bloody, violent, and chaotic (civilians casualties were no exception). The other planet colony Helios had lots of power but chose to not get involved. Unfortunately one of the fighting colonies got into Helios to fire a canon to damage one of its rival colonies.

    Then a powerful magical figure named Methias was banished from his universe for using dark magic. Methias came into He saw the chaos and violence in the Supreme Wars. He decided to end it by forming a federal government named the Unity. However the price of unifying the colonies was to sacrifice some people to create his children who are called Phantoms. People worship him as their savior and ruler. Those who resist them join the Insurgency.

    Where the story begins:

    We have a protagonist who is a sociopathic/sadistic hitman that dual wields revolvers, and uses a single sword. He gets hired by a female android to fight for her and the Insurgency.

    Things to note:

    • The imperator of the Unity "Jak Grimm" wields a katana. He is very intelligent, cold hearted, and ruthless. He wears a mask that has a moveable mouth. I gave him moments where he mentally freaks out and breaks down. I forgot to mention he is crazy. He has a face full of scars beneath that mask.
    • The phantoms, Jak Grimm, and Methias possess magic abilities.
    • No... Jak Grimm is not the protagonist's father
    • Methias wants to maintain order. He doesn't need to gain it.
    • Yes the Helios can act as a death star, although the Unity would never want to blow up planets with it.
    • Yes this story is graphically violent
    • I try to deal with prejudice race, ethics, gray morality and revenge.

    Alright, what's the 1-10 rating.
    1 meaning it is not close to star wars!
    10 meaning it is close to star wars!
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2016
  2. Wayjor Frippery
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    Wayjor Frippery Contributing Member

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    Based on what you've said, I'd say 2-ish. The only line of story you gave us was this:

    We have a protagonist who is a sociopathic/sadistic hitman that dual wields revolvers, and uses a single sword. He gets hired by a female android to fight for her and the Insurgency.

    Everything else was backstory and setting (which I don't think sound too much like Star Wars to worry about).

    Whether or not your story ends up like Star Wars will depend on the journey your protagonist takes in this world you've created.
     
  3. Xerclipse
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    Xerclipse Member

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    Don't worry, we won't have Darth Vader throwing the Emperor into the pit to save Luke's life.
     
  4. IHaveNoName
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    IHaveNoName Active Member

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    The way you lay it out, the concept sounds a lot like SW, but Wayjor's right - the plot doesn't. I do have a few questions, though:

    * How did Methias get banished from his universe to this one?
    * Why did he create the Phantoms (and what are they?)?
    * How does Jak have magic? I assume he's tied to Methias in some fashion?
     
  5. nickbedford
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    nickbedford Member

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    It doesn't sound like Star Wars. It actually sounds a little like a Marvel film set in space. I have a certain reaction to these back stories that throw out cool sounding names and concepts that don't feel like they have any real substance to them. I think it's easy to fall into naming things and throwing in vague plot ideas that don't feel real, like they have a reason to have happened that way. I know because I've done this too.

    I had a similar kind of approach to the story I'm now writing some ten years after first conceiving of the galaxy it's set in. Nowadays the galactic environment it is set in is barely related because I threw much of it out so I could actually focus on the character's story right down in the heart of being an inhabitant of that world (and galaxy). Now I have two main characters who are thrown down the rabbit hole into this ever growing plot and I love writing them!

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, try taking this protagonist and throwing him into a scene down in some forest or on board a ship and see what happens. Keep all your ideas about the "greater world" in mind of course, but approach them from the point of this character being thrown into a conflict involving other characters and their surroundings etc.

    He gets hired by a female android to fight for her and the Insurgency.
    This is the important part of your ideas. This is what will actually make a story happen and this is what readers will be reading. The bigger set pieces will inform where the plot goes and the ideas that get injected into the plot, but take it from me. I didn't end up getting any story off the ground until I stopped designing a cool sounding world and started writing the story of my characters.

    Take my answer with a grain of salt! I'm rambling... TL-DR: It doesn't sound like Star Wars :)
     
    Sifunkle and Wayjor Frippery like this.
  6. mrieder79
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    mrieder79 Not a ground squirrel

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    Doesn't sound like star wars to me. I would give it a 2 just because of the setting and the obvious elements of science fiction blended with fantasy.

    Even if the plot and a few elements sound like star wars, I wouldn't sweat it. Just write the story. It won't be star wars. It will be your book.
     
  7. ToeKneeBlack
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    ToeKneeBlack Contributing Member Contributor

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    Jak 's scarred face hidden by a mask, magical abilities and sword skills remind me of Darth Vader.
    The Helios weapon can act as a Death Star but isn't used as one by its owners.
    But that's where the similarities seem to end. 1.5/10 for similarity.

    If you can have planets with more than one type of environment on them, you're on to a winner.
     
  8. Mocheo Timo
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    Mocheo Timo Active Member

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    It's a natural fear to have, but don't worry, just write.
    The more you think about Star Wars, the more it will sound like it.
     

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