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  1. writewizard
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    writewizard Contributing Member

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    Enough interest? Believeable? Good idea?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by writewizard, Dec 21, 2009.

    I was inspired awhile ago to write a new book and now am curious as to whether this could actually work. I already have the first seven chapters written but I'm at a standstill. Here's the story:

    Jex and Alex have been friends for a long, long time. When Alex's younger brother gets a high fever, he calls Jex for help to get him to the hospital. When they finally get him checked in, Jex eventually asks Alex why he didn't call 911 or his parents. Alex eventually confides in Jex that his father has been abusing him and he can't stand to face him right now.

    Jex's mother, a social worker, is called onto the scene. Alex's father is a high and famous lawyer, and they're all worried that he'll regain custody of Alex and Nick. (Nick is Alex's little brother). Alex has all the evidence he needs to prove his father guilty of child abuse: the hospital records, the bruises, the scars, the horrific story of silence. He is terrified of Nick (his younger brother) getting punished. He refuses to move in wtih any of his relatives, stating that they'll all take his father's side. Tabitha, Jex's mother, eventually finds Alex a little out of the way home with an old woman named Mrs. McCarthy and her husband, Steve. Although Alex doesn't trust Steve due to his experiences with his own father, he eventually warms up to his wife. When he finally feels safe enough, he confides in her that it wasn't actually his father abusing him -- it was his uncle Micah, who threatened to kill his brother if he ever told on him.

    My only problem is, where do I go after he spills the beans about his father not really abusing him, and it being his uncle Micah instead? What would happen next, if this were a true situation? Would they put him in with his father?

    [Edit this line out.]

    Also, why wouldn't Alex just call 911? Why wouldn't he ask them for help? Could it be because he has treid that before, to no avail? I need a good reason why he must rely on Jex's friendship, instead of 911. Thanks to thirdwind for pointing out that kink.

    Also, why would he say it is his father? Maybe because he's afraid of the reaction from Micah? Wouldn't he be afraid of the reaction from his father? Maybe it is becuase the relationship is frayed between the two?

    Thanks for any help,
    Writewizard :)
     
  2. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    Here are just some comments/concerns I had:
    So, why doesn't he call 911?

    Again, why not call the police?

    Well, the uncle would face charges given sufficient evidence. Also, if Alex had testified against his father in court, then Alex could be tried for lying in court since he apparently did not tell the truth and let his father take the blame for his uncle's crimes. That's just something to think about.

    This has to do with how well you write more than anything (at least for me). If it's well written, then I'll give pretty much anything a shot.
     
  3. HorusEye
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    HorusEye Contributing Member Contributor

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    Why would he ever wrongly accuse his own father of abuse? That makes no sense to me. Is his father on the uncle's side...?
     
  4. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    A story concept means nothing. I can tell you now, it has been done before. What matters is how you write it, the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it.

    There's no benefit in asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..."

    If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it.

    Please read this thread about What is Plot Creation and Development?
     
  5. writewizard
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    writewizard Contributing Member

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    Thanks Cogito for that advice; I'll keep it in mind for my next posting.:)

    Also, what about this: Alex doesn't call 911 because he fears Nick's fever isn't high enough to get a responce from them?

    And perhaps, he says it's his father instead of his uncle Micah, because Micah has even more connections than his father, and, in Alex's mind, can get to him from anywhere?
     
  6. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    the whole lying about who the abuser is thing makes no sense to me at all... nor does your suggested reason for it... i can't see any abused kid doing that, since naming either his father or the real culprit, the father's brother[?], would get him in trouble, per your scenario...

    and if he's in the hospital, the abuse is sure to be noticed and reported to police and children's services, so he wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere he chooses, when released...

    plus, how on earth was the brother able to obtain hospital records?...

    how old are these brothers and the friend, anyway?... and where were the parents, when the boy was so sick and feverish he had to be admitted to a hospital?...

    you've way too many problems with your plot/storyline, imo... need to do some serious thinking about what real people would do and research the legal aspects... sadly, there are plenty of personal accounts of such abuse and official info on the issue out there for you... all you have to do is google...

    i'd also advise you to change one of the friends' names, since those matching 'ex's make them sound like a comic strip duo...
     
  7. Ecksvie
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    Ecksvie Member

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    Even before I saw someone else say it, I was going to say that the name "Jex" is the part of your story that bugs me the most. You could get away with it in a fantasy story, but in a real world story, you'll distract your readers because they'll stop to think "Who the hell names their kid that?" It might feel boring, but your story will be more believable if you stick to the way things are in the real world, if the real world is your setting. This includes giving your characters names that don't stick out like a sore thumb.
     
  8. writewizard
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    writewizard Contributing Member

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    Thank you for the advice. I will defenetly change Jex's name.
     
  9. writewizard
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    writewizard Contributing Member

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    If it helps, they're sixteen and seventeen; the parents were away overnight; the friend is seventeen.
     
  10. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    doesn't help much... my questions and observations still need to be dealt with, to make this believable...
     
  11. writewizard
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    writewizard Contributing Member

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    Hey, always. Actually, thanks to your idea, I'm working on a tottally nother aspect of the book now. Should be posted in the novel section after awhile.

    Thanks!!!! :D
     
  12. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    de nada, hija!
     

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