1. Elgaisma
    Offline

    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,337
    Likes Received:
    92

    Eternal or Internal Organs

    Discussion in 'Setting Development' started by Elgaisma, Sep 13, 2010.

    I have a typo in my text lol and not sure if it is a happy accident or silly.

    The planet my story is set on functions as the organs of the universe. It takes the energy flow from around the universe, cleanses it, enriches it and pumps it back out round.

    However I called them eternal organs instead of internal organs in the brief description. Now I like it and get it but I wrote the story. Would you get it if I wrote it like this or similar.

    Litae is the creation planet. It was the Universal Father's nursery planet where all creatures came out of the treachorous sea. All universal energy flows from and to the planet which works as the eternal organs cleansing, and enriching the energy before pumping it back out round the universe.
     
  2. minstrel
    Offline

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2010
    Messages:
    8,723
    Likes Received:
    4,821
    Location:
    Near Los Angeles
    In that context, "eternal" doesn't look like a typo. "Internal" would have looked a bit weird, I think.
     
  3. Horizon Noise
    Offline

    Horizon Noise Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2010
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    0
    EDIT: I've edited my reply because I didn't realise the bit in red was the excerpt, I thought it was part of your sig. In which case the phrase makes sense. However, the prose itself could do with a bit of editing.

    Originally I wrote:
    Depends entirely on the context. Whilst 'internal organs' wouldn't make sense in anything but the traditional meaning, 'eternal organs' might not be clear unless the context makes it so.
     
  4. John Cleeves
    Offline

    John Cleeves Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    In the context, it makes perfect sense.
     
  5. Elgaisma
    Offline

    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,337
    Likes Received:
    92
    oh good will leave it then lol sorry the prose I came up with on the spot with my 18 month old sitting on my head looking out the window:) It is easier than trying to copy and paste in that instance.

    I like the idea of my planet being the Universal Father's eternal organs lol works well
     
  6. Islander
    Offline

    Islander Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2008
    Messages:
    1,542
    Likes Received:
    59
    Location:
    Sweden
    "Eternal" makes perfect sense in that context. You just need to put in some commas:
     
  7. Elgaisma
    Offline

    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,337
    Likes Received:
    92
    lol thanks I don't need to edit it now:)
     
  8. mammamaia
    Offline

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    19,316
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Location:
    Coquille, Oregon
    'the' before it confuses the issue/meaning... without it, 'eternal' can work... with it, only 'internal' makes any sense...

    and comma after 'cleansing' is improperly placed... the comma is needed after 'organs' since what follows is an explanatory clause...
     
  9. SilverWolf0101
    Offline

    SilverWolf0101 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2009
    Messages:
    333
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    New York State
    My first thought for it was, it didn't exactly fit ("the" threw me off a bit). But then I read it again and oddly enough, connected eternal with the "Father".

    Basically, my mind told me "eternal" was okay because it was connected to the "Father" an ever lasting being that never suffers from mortality. I'm probably wrong in doing so, but meh, I guess it gives a good reason for it to be eternal instead of internal.

    Besides, internal is something within an outter shell, I guess it could count in the fact that the planet is basically the liver of the universe, but it just doesn't make much sense to me. Eternal fits much much better in this case.

    But that's just my two cents.
     
  10. Elgaisma
    Offline

    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,337
    Likes Received:
    92
    Thank you I think that is conclusive lol it is one of those accidents that works better than it should.

    I think the Eternal Organs works better need to tweak the explanation for it somehow. Basically the Universal Father is the Universe it is a living breathing organism the planet function as heart, liver, kidneys etc
     
  11. Lothgar
    Offline

    Lothgar Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2010
    Messages:
    417
    Likes Received:
    37
    Eternal: Lasts forever.

    Internal: Contained within.

    I think Eternal fits your application best, in my opinion.
     
  12. Elgaisma
    Offline

    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,337
    Likes Received:
    92
    Both actually work for my universe because it is kind of the innards of the Universal Father he encompasses the universe is the universe etc. I used to have this idea as a child that we were all kind of inside the belly of God it's where it comes from:)
     
  13. Melzaar the Almighty
    Offline

    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2010
    Messages:
    1,792
    Likes Received:
    55
    Location:
    UK
    I think it's a good image - it's always good to go with unexpected or unusual imagery - especially like there where it looks like wordplay.

    I wonder how much word play was just typos that were twisted into something awesome? :p
     
  14. mammamaia
    Offline

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    19,316
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Location:
    Coquille, Oregon
    i have to point out that we all began 'inside the belly' of 'god, the mother'... not 'god, the father'! ;-)
     
  15. Elgaisma
    Offline

    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,337
    Likes Received:
    92
    actually in my religion now it would be both :) they are one after all but as a child it was father and in my book it is Universal Father largely because i struggle writing women:)
     

Share This Page