1. Cholula
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    Cholula New Member

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    Every sentence begins with "she"

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Cholula, Jul 25, 2013.

    She has noticed that every sentence in her story seems to begin with the word "she." Cholula has alternatively noticed that her sentences often begin with the character's name (another way of saying "she," really). She is hoping you might have suggestions on how to stop saying "she" so much. Sheesh! :p
     
  2. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Every sentence in her story seems to begin with the word "she." Some of the sentences, alternatively, begin with the character's name. There must be ways to avoid this - any suggestions?
     
  3. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    There is was again, that dab-blasted, "she". It echoed in her brain every time it appeared on the page. If it wasn't "she" it was Cholula: Cholula this, Cholula that, people were beginning to notice.

    If only there was another way to see the scene, something else that revealed the thing that needed to be said, a different point of view besides subject and verb, subject and verb.

    :)
     
  4. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    The best way to re-write 'she' sentences is to change perspective, shuffle things around. It's a novice-writer problem that gets better with practice. In the mean time, read your favourite books, and try to pay special attention to how the writers changes things up to avoid having same sentence structure all the time. That'll be your best teacher.
     
  5. Southpaw2380
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    Southpaw2380 Member

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    I find that the best way to rid yourself of this problem is to read it out loud and think of how you could SAY it differently, which in turn will help you write it in a different sentence structure. Sometimes the way i solve it is to read a few sentences at a time and combine them to create (what I believe, anyway) a stronger, better scene.

    "He took a step back before lunging at me. He was a tower of muscle, and I knew I wouldn't make it long in the cage with him. He was just too good."

    to

    "The doubt had already sunk in, even before I realized he was diving towards me. It was too late, I was already beat where it mattered most."

    That's just a quick, made up example, but I hope it illustrates my point for ya a bit!

    ~~SP
     
  6. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    study how the best writers do it in their stories/books... then do that...
     
  7. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    yeah, that...
     
  8. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    See the thread on "Filtering" started by [MENTION=3885]Wreybies[/MENTION] a couple of days ago.
     
  9. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Heidegger, Heideggar was a burley beggar who could drink you under the table...

    Oh...sorry...
     
  10. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel ...

    Or, to keep to the purpose of this thread, "Out-consuming Schopenhauer and Hegel turned out to be a simple matter for the intrepid David Hume."
     
  11. Aprella
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    Aprella Senior Member

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    Sometimes I start some sentences on end with she/he/character name without realising. Or just always starting with the subject is horrible. Reading a lot has helped to avoid to problem and learn how sentences can be constructed differently. Using different constructions give your text a dynamic. It makes reading easier in my opinion.
     

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