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  1. Darkhorse
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    Darkhorse Member

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    Excessive commas?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Darkhorse, Mar 21, 2013.

    Is the line below alright grammatically. I feel it is, but I think that I might be going overboard with commas. An issue that I would like to keep from creeping into my writing.

    Thanks! :)



    Or, is the better for the reader?

     
  2. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    The second one for the commas, but "trees" and "its" are not in agreement.
     
  3. Darkhorse
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    Darkhorse Member

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    Thanks!

    Should it be their instead?
     
  4. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    In fiction, commas can be used for dramatic pauses. So where you put the comma depends on the effect you're going for. In the first example, the phrase "lining the road" reads like a side comment, sort of like

    That being said, I would prefer the second example because having the phrase read like a side comment doesn't do much for the sentence.

    And yes, it should be "their."
     
  5. Drstrong
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    Drstrong Active Member

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    I have a tendancy to use too many commas as well, but what about the use of "..." to create a pause?
     
  6. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    no pause is needed in this sentence, other than before 'their' [not its, as gc noted]...

    and even if one was, an ellipsis would not be the proper mark to use, as that only indicates a pause in dialog... the em dash would be the proper mark to set off a phrase in narrative...
     

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