Crime and Punishment - A recent graduate wallows in depression despite having the most badass surname in human history. He befriends a only slightly less insufferable drunk who is thankfully run over and killed by a horse. Without a job, he decides to pick up the hobby of playing God by killing the 19th century equivalent of Joey's agent from Friends and her sister, Anna Kournikova. Afterward, he uses the drunk's family crisis as an opportunity to fall in love with the drunk's emotionally vulnerable prostitute daughter. The suspension rises when detective Columbo questions his involvement in the murders and then engages him in normal, everyday conversation! Things only get worse for him when he finds out that his sister and her evil fiancee, Frasier Crane, are coming to visit. His sister eventually comes to her senses and dumps Frasier, who kills himself. With moral guidance from his beloved prostitute, he decides to turn himself in.
Matilda Matilda Wormwood is the main character in the story, She is a highly precocious four-year-old girl who has a passion for reading books. She discovers she has Psychokinetic powers which she uses to her advantage.
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo: Spine tingling suspense with unforgettable thought provoking revenge scenes, old European families behaving badly and evil serial killers. Sure to keep you up at night contemplating the merit of permanent body modification 30 years later in a world of total financial monetary collapse caused by sophisticated hackers.
The Guns of Navarone: Two mighty, heroic guns resolutely stand guard over a strait passing the island of Navarone during World War II. They successfully destroy any filthy Allied ship that tries to pass through the strait, until, tragically, they are blown up by a bunch of international Allied punks who seem to think it's a good idea to prevent 1200 British troops from being murdered during their escape from an island on Royal Navy destroyers. Nazis lose, Allies win, bookies make profits. Probably. Then Gregory Peck shakes hands with Anthony Quinn, and Anglo-Quinn relations have never been better.
The Harry Potter series: A group of school children are taken to a school for magic that is a safety inspectors nightmare, in an essentially totalitarian society based on poverty and isolation, to learn how to make objects fly but things like science and English are considered not important. Also the parents never have a problem with this, meaning they are either crazy or ignorant. A serial killer and homicidal maniac has swore revenge and the bunch of teenagers he is gunning for are essentially ignored until denial the murderer is there becomes impossible. One of the teenagers is a previous victim of said serial killer, and his parents were even killed by said serial killer. Frankly I've lost count of the ways just the above is stupid, and that's not counting the details.
@Lemex - Don't forget that it wasn't until a bunch of kids nearly die at the hands of the serial killer and his goons that most of the adults started doing something. 'Cause, y'know, the protection of the children is soooo overrated, am I right? ;D Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day - A kid's day is ruined mainly by his own stupidity. The Story of My Life - "When I was a little girl, I was kind of an ungrateful brat to the one person who saw something in me that was more than just 'that deaf, dumb, blind animal-child'. I think I even knocked her teeth out with my doll in a fit of rage once. I had the rest of her life to make up for that." ~ Helen Keller The Indian in the Cupboard- A little kid inherits a cupboard that can turn inanimate objects to life. You'd think this story would fulfill every kid's wishes by animating beloved video game and movie icons and watching them duke it out, but no, it becomes another 'coming of age' story.
I'd just love to see Hogwarts' OFSED inspection: PUPIL SAFETY: number of potentially life threatening hazards are encountered every day by students. Headmaster A Dumbledore said 'We do warn all our first year students (aged approximately 7) about the essentially feral three headed monster on floor 4. And the many perils around school'. A Dumbledore refused to comment on the possibility of student intoxication. RECOMMENDED: Immediate closure of school and legal detention of all teaching staff.
The Bearenstein Bears- A beloved series about a bear community, and no one ever questions why there's a family who is so unoriginal their names are literally 'Mama', 'Papa', 'Sister', and 'Brother'. The Time Machine- A plucky British dude makes a time machine that takes him to the future, he joins forces with an attractive woman around his age and they fight some evil monsters. Wait a tick, have we just discovered The Doctor's ancestor!? The War of the Worlds- Martians attack Earth (London), a bunch of people die and they're saved only by the smallest deux ex machina ever: Bacteria. A Journey to the Center of the Earth- The book that makes today's geologists weep bitter tears. Why? Because it's impossible to travel to the center of the Earth without getting vaporized by the molten layers that exist beneath the Earth's crust! Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea- Some Victorian-era rich asshole invents a sub that rivals today's subs. Doesn't share his findings with anyone on land. Around the World in Eighty Days- Because it's wholly possible to navigate the entire Earth in a hot-air balloon in around three months.
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn: The first four chapters take place in one boring Saturday, and we never see half these people again.
(Thanks, @Hwaigon, I totally forgot about this thread!) The Casual Vacany by J.K. Rowling. Some guy dies, then there is an election to replace him and some very ugly things come out because politics. At the same time, this other story that isn't really connected is going on, leading to the death of a young person. What the whole point is is ... I'll get back to you on that one.
Grapes of Wrath A family of fundamentalist religious types, alcoholics, and a teenage mother struggle to hold down jobs.
The Alchemist A kid in Spain decides to go for a walk. A long walk. Across North Africa. In the desert. By himself. Whoa, he gets a girlfriend. Sorry babe, I gots to gets mine. Finds his treasure. Yo babe, I know I ditched you in the desert but you wanna hook up still?
Beloved. A former slave hallucinates that the strange woman in her house is her zombified baby that somehow aged 20 years.
The Stand Spoiler A really nasty disease kills almost everyone, except for a few that are left in a struggle between good and evil. And when things get even more dire, God simply steps in and resolves the conflict. Cuz, ya know, divine intervention always makes everyone's prior sacrifices look totally worth while