1. Want2Write
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    Want2Write Member

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    falling in love

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Want2Write, Nov 24, 2013.

    This is a story line that I have been thinking of several months, was very sure that I can give my best to this novel. The main part of the story is based on the MC has believed in love falling in it. It's not love at first sight, but gradually he develops love on a girl who he didn't feel attractive at first. Being an worn out scenario I have to make it interesting with my writing. I was so sure I can do it.

    MC has a best friend who will do anything for him. I haven't had such a best friend in my life, so it was a challenging task for me to write first few chapters where I had to establish showing that friendship between them. In some places I couldn't believe in the character myself that he could go so far for just his friend. I wouldn't. I only heard of that strong friendship in movies, so those chapters were highly inspired by those movies. Anyway that's side plot. My real worry started when I found out how challenging it is to describe something that you haven't felt. I really haven't been in love. The spine of the story lies on MCs love interest. As I struggled in that friendship development description, I now started doubting will I be able to write the "MC falling in love" part convincing enough for the readers.

    I know one needn't be a serial killer to write about one.. But I truly believe you should know the falling in love feeling too wrote about it...
     
  2. Want2Write
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    Ok, this is why I shouldn't use phone [with terrible 'Auto-Correction' feature] to submit a post past midnight. Too many mistakes, submission before completion, and too sleepy to review what I have written.

    Here is the complete question.

    This is a story line that I have been thinking of several months, and was very sure that I can give my best to build this as a novel. The main part of the story is based on the MC who doesn't believe in love. But later falls in love with a girl [ not at first sight] who he didn't think is attractive at first. Being an worn out scenario I have to make it interesting with my writing. I was so sure I can do it.

    MC has a best friend who will do anything for him. I haven't had such a best friend in my life, so it was a challenging task for me to write first few chapters where I had to establish that friendship between them. In some places I couldn't believe in the character myself that he could go so far for just his friend. I wouldn't. I only heard of that strong friendship in movies, so those chapters were highly inspired by those movies. Anyway that's side plot. My real worry started when I found out how difficult it could get when it comes to describing something that you haven't felt yourself. I really haven't been in love. The spine of the story lies on MCs love interest. As I struggled in that friendship development description, I now started doubting will I be able to write the "MC falling in love" part convincing enough for the readers - describing his emotions, how he started believing in something, what made her so attractive to him etc.

    I know one needn't be a serial killer to write about one.. My question is, how can one find that inspiration? Can watch lots of movies and read books based on that genre. But my concern is the thoughts and emotions I describe would reflect mostly that of the hero's from those movies/books. Imagination! yes. But imagining a serial killer's intentions is relatively easy, when compared to that of a man falling in love as the later is much more common.

    Please excuse the grammatical errors in my post, English is not my first language. Kindly share your thoughts.. Thanks in advance.
     
  3. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Hi there - well, if I were you I would sit down (for as long as it takes) and IMAGINE what it would take to get you to fall in love with someone. Especially someone whom you might not have considered at 'first sight.' In other words, their looks aren't paramount to the attraction, although, once you do fall in love, their looks become part of what they are, and you wouldn't change them.

    What would make YOU feel loved? Someone who loves you for what you are, and doesn't try to change you? Someone who sees your worst side, and it doesn't change how they feel about you? Someone who reads your thoughts and understands what they mean? Somebody who knows when you are feeling bad, and knows exactly how to give comfort ...maybe even when you don't know yourself? Somebody who makes you laugh when you don't expect to? Someone who cares for the things and people you care about? Someone who makes you feel confident, talented, comfortable, appreciated, desired? Someone who never puts you down?

    Once you've constructed this person in your head, then reverse it. What kind of person would make you feel that way about them?

    This is not only incredibly do-able as a writer, but it's also great fun and insightful too. Sometimes love isn't what we think it will be at all.

    Obviously the sexual attraction will come into it at some point as well, but I think that should probably not come first. When you love somebody, you will WANT to give them sexual pleasure and receive it from them too. But it won't end there. You won't want to be separated from them afterwards. Probably not ever.
     
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  4. Want2Write
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    Want2Write Member

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    Hi jannert

    Thank you for your reply. It makes sense.

    I should have added this in my post : my MC is male ( I'm female). Though the feeling love is common for both the genders, what makes one fall in love could be different for a male and female. For e.g., the girl could feel safe in the arms of his hands, that kindled her feelings for him; for him it could be something like the girl looks upon him and trusts him..
     
  5. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    You're mistaken if you think that has anything to do with gender. What you noted is just people being human. Men like to feel safe too, and girls like to be looked up to and trusted. Write human beings - and the falling in love should come easily enough. What determines whether one falls in love with another depends on whether the person fulfils certain needs, has certain traits the other might appreciate, and whether the person makes them feel loved, amongst other things. Not one of these has anything to do with gender.

    So for example, if your MC is someone who's grown up admiring how his mother looks after the father - the MC might come to appreciate a girl who really takes care of say, her parents, showing the MC that she has a similar trait that he already admires. If the MC is someone who's insecure, he might appreciate a girl who's quite vocal about her feelings as it lessens the chances of miscommunication, or a girl who's particularly positive because she ends up pushing him to take risks and get out of his shell.

    Someone who is less insecure might not appreciate this as much, perhaps because they already know what they wanna do and are quite certain about it, allowing more chances for arguments if they were with a very vocal partner.

    Taking a real life example - my sister finds my husband a little annoying. Why? Because my husband likes to tell you to eat more fruit and veg since it's good for you, and sometimes makes assumptions about what you may or may not have done. For example, he might assume you haven't done the dishes, fully expecting that he'd have to do it. This is something that drives my sister absolutely nuts - she's rather independent and she will eat whatever she likes, and hates false assumptions people make of her.

    But myself? I really don't mind... lol. I see how my husband might cut up apples and place the bowl in front of me so I'd eat something healthy as attentive and sweet, and as for the false assumptions, I just find it funny.

    You know what made my husband fall for me? Apparently, it's because of my ability to analysis his thoughts and put them into words. Why did I fall for my husband? Because he's gentle, sensitive and selfless. It's got nothing to do with gender. I'd venture a guess and say a man could easily fall in love with a woman who's gentle, sensitive and selfless, and likewise there'll be girls out there who'd appreciate having someone who could put their jumbled thoughts in order.
     
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  6. TessaT
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    TessaT Contributing Member

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    Your husband...cuts up apples for you? Does your husband teach husband lessons? :p
     
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  7. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    hehehe I'll ask him :D he also does the dishes and makes me tea! But the sweetest is when he'd text me to ask if I'll be all right at home if he goes out with a friend. He doesn't have to ask, but I really appreciate him asking. I'm grinning just thinking about this. I should go give him a hug. (but he's gaming with his little brother right now, so maybe in a little bit loool)
     
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  8. TessaT
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    TessaT Contributing Member

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    That is the cutest damned thing EVER. And the asking thing is rather nice, rather than just straight up telling you. You landed a catch, my dear! :D
     
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  9. Laze
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    Laze Active Member

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    I disagree.

    You fall in love with someone for one basic thing. If you're a girl, you want him to stick his penis inside you. If you're a boy, you want to stick your penis inside her. That's it. That is love. Except it's masked by all the little things you feel at first, like the way they talk, their accent. Maybe they bite their lip when you look at them. Maybe it's the specific shape of their eyes.

    People find different things attractive, but they're ALL related to one thing. Good old sex.

    However, because we as human beings have this awful ability to think for ourselves, we over complicate it. We think our feelings are unique and different, and that someone couldn't possibly have thought about the things we think when see that person. Naaaah. It's all for the same motive. Honestly.
     
  10. obsidian_cicatrix
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    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

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    Umm... I'm pretty sure you don't have to fall in love with someone to do that.
     
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  11. Laze
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    Laze Active Member

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    Clearly, you're a virgin.
     
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  12. obsidian_cicatrix
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    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

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    Or a complete slut. :D
     
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  13. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Well, my husband once peeled a grape for me, but because he'd also been peeling garlic a few moments before, the taste sensation wasn't quite what I expected...
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2013
  14. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    This cracked me up!!! :D

    I just peeled and chopped garlic now, can still smell it on my hands. I actually adore the smell, so I honestly don't mind. I've also been taking a whiff of this tandoori curry powder I bought off the farmer's market yesterday - ooh the smell is *divine*!
     
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  15. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    'falling in love' is most often really just 'falling in heat/lust'...

    and if love grows out of friendship, or a period of knowing, but not yet loving the other, then it's not 'falling' in love...
     
  16. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    As much as I'd like to disagree with this, sigh, this is where all my experiences come down to as well. With the slight exception of not falling in love with every one-night stand. It's possibly to fancy someone yet at the same time consider them utterly incompatible with yourself.

    But in essence, you notice someone you think is hot and go for it.
    Even if it happens after first being friends. Suddenly one sees them through different eyes, I suppose (I have no personal experience of this though. When someone gets friendzoned, they stay friendzoned).

    I suggest you read novels with romantic elements (they say men in romance novels often act out of whack and the authors know that, but since it's romance, it's ok. I might steer clear of them, though), watch movies and tv-shows and then try to imitate it.

    Or ask someone out on a date, do some method writing ;)
     
  17. Thomas Kitchen
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    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    Now I have to respectfully disagree here. Yes, I know beauty is only skin-deep and people still think about it when they meet someone for the first time. Maybe it leads to attraction, maybe not. But this is not falling in love. This is called being attracted to someone. I do agree that initially people want to have sex if they're attracted to one another (although it is entirely possible that someone can say "she has a very beautiful body" and not have sexual desires), but again I say this is not love.

    Some people I know have had those sexual desires (obviously, as it's a natural thing) but fall in love only when they want a relationship with one another. When they can't stop thinking about them, when one can freely tell the other their secrets, when they are best friends, when they want to spend the rest of their lives together, when they want to be together just to be together, and so on. And I've barely even scratched the surface of what true love is, as I have neither experienced this feeling nor had a girlfriend.

    I agree with Maia. Of course it first begins with lust, but this is not falling in love. That comes later. :)
     
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  18. ddavidv
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    ddavidv Contributing Member

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    Channel what you know about love from other areas. Have you ever had a pet you loved? A special relative? While it's not the same as 'relationship love', you know what love feels like, and therefore should be able to describe it to some degree.

    There is puppy-love infatuation, which is usually what first loves are. Then there is adult love, where many different elements come together to produce feelings of desire, comfort, respect, etc. Men tend to be more visual, so an attraction can begin with finding the female desirable in some visual sense. She need not be voluptuous, or even sexy at all. Something as simple as her eyes can be all that is needed. The arch of her eyebrows could be sexy by themselves. All you need is one physical trigger to get the male hormones flowing. Then couple that with her personality, or quirks, or whatever else that makes her interesting and will stick in the male character's mind. After he notices one or two things, he starts to notice more appealing things. My MC found the way my female lead's bare knee poked through a tear in her jeans while she was driving to be irresistible.

    As for women and what they find attractive in men...I'm probably not the guy to ask, lol. My wife noticed me because she thought I was funny. Physically, I'm not a great specimen (glance at my cartoon avatar) but my wit, sarcasm, and upbeat demeanor was what attracted her. I liked her hair, her eyes, her lighthearted approach to life and, frankly, her cooking. These bits of attraction have kept us together for 21 years so far.
     
  19. Laze
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    Laze Active Member

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    You're skipping the first step though. Sure, feeling love towards someone is a lot more complicated than what I made out in my post. But what's the very first step, before all the deep intimate things that long term lovers experience?

    It's that first sight of them, it's that rush of hormones and accelerated heart rate. Why? Because you wanna shag them man. Simple. :rolleyes:
     
  20. Thomas Kitchen
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    I agree. But that's not falling in love, or even the beginning of falling in love. That comes when the couple talk and relate with each other.
     
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  21. Laze
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    Laze Active Member

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    If I don't feel that rush of emotion when I see someone for the first time, then I honestly don't see the point. I'm not interested if they can't excite me on a physical level.

    I can't disagree with what you're saying though. People who don't experience intensity when they first see each other can get talking, and then relate with each other. Leading to more deeper and mature feelings. Me personally, I need a bit more than that. :rolleyes:
     
  22. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Not necessarily. That rush of feeling, which often comes the first minute you meet them, is a sense of connection. Wanting to shag them is certainly part of what you want to do with them, but it's more. I've wanted to shag people I didn't love, and KNEW I didn't love them. However, when/if you are lucky enough to meet 'the one,' I think you know right away that it goes way beyond shagging. There is a sense that they know you to a degree that makes no sense, considering you have just met, are unsurprised by you, and you can be at your best or worst and it won't change how they feel about you. When you are with this person, there is no one else you watch. And they watch you the same. Yes, this does happen. Maybe not to everyone, and certainly not to everyone YET, but it does happen.
     
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  23. Laze
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    Laze Active Member

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    I only meant in the very instance you lay eyes on a person that excites you. The excitement is a pure sexual response. I'm talking about raw instincts. Nothing rational like you began to talk about, because there's no logic applied in wanting to have sex with an attractive person. It's all hard wired into our brains.
     
  24. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    It's different. It's not 'rational' at all. It's so unexpected you can't believe it. But the main feeling you get from this person is calm. When they walk in, everything clicks into place. Hard to explain. However, I know it sounds mad, especially if it's not happened to you. So settle for lust, sheer excitement, and have fun!
     
  25. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    One thing I've noticed about discussions like this is that responses tend to be based almost entirely on one's own experience, but expressed as if it must always be thus.

    There is a lot to be said - and written - about that rushing-down-the-hill-completely-out-of-control-and-who-gives-a-damn sensation that we usually mean when we say "falling in love", which is probably why @mammamaia referred to it as "falling in lust". And yet, if I read the OP correctly, that is exactly the scenario the OP does NOT have in mind. The scenario (s)he appears to be getting at is one in which friendship, close association, mutual support all come first. And that does happen, I've seen it happen. The falling in love is more gradual and occurs as the two people slowly get to know each other's experiences, dreams and fears. And as successive layers of the onion are peeled away, there does come that moment of realization.

    Try the film "When Harry Met Sally" for a start.
     
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