1. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    Fantasy: Too close to prophecy?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Elgaisma, Aug 11, 2010.

    I have successfully removed all prophecies out of my fantasy novel (aside from the one where God told Noah to build a spaceship:) - but its in a bedtime story.)

    However have just written a scene for my second novel where my MC talks about how he feels he was born to be king, that it just feels right, that he feels his life now has the direction it lacked before... There is another one where he is told the Island approves of him and sustains him. Is this too close to the prophecy cliche?
     
  2. Aconite
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    Aconite Senior Member

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    The island bit sounds to me like John Locke from Lost, but that's just my kneejerk response. Other than that, the guy outright saying, 'Gee, it's awesome to be king! My life is complete!' sounds a bit too direct to me, barring some sort of negative hubris-laden consequence to the statement. I would have that scene show how great it is for him to be king. If he's settled in the life and thoroughly enjoys it, show us that instead of having him tell us that, because the reader's gut instinct will be to disbelieve such a grandly upbeat statement.
     
  3. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    It comes as part of a conversation with his brother who abdicated, and is feeling guilty about leaving his brother to face massive responsibility at seventeen. Its not he feels complete or life is easy, just he feels right. It's first draft so it can easily be changed or cut.
     
  4. Aconite
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    Aconite Senior Member

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    Ah, I read it as more of an outright affirmation, which hit my 'Alert! Stormy waters ahead!' bar pretty handily. If it's part of a conversation, and provided it's delivered reasonably subtly and briefly, I don't think it would raise my suspicions, particularly if there's the negative point of his guilt about abandoning his brother to balance out the conversation.

    If you have him make mention of some prophecy, that may be forcing the issue, but him saying, 'Well, I'm sorry I had to leave you, brother, but I think I've found my place here' (or words to that effect) doesn't feel too obvious, anyway.

    JMO!
     
  5. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    My fault its so hard trying to hint at a story without giving it away lol:)

    I quite like the scene I could imagine it making it past the first draft. After posting and asking about cliches few months back I went through loads to take the prophecies out it was not easy but its made a better story. I think I'll see how it goes, but I have to be more careful about cliches in this one as my gay character becomes the main character.
     

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