1. Ben Jackson
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    Ben Jackson New Member

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    Feedback on Idea for a book series

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Ben Jackson, Jan 5, 2017.

    Hello,

    I have an idea for a plot for a series I want to write and would like feedback from people who wont flatter me (i.e family members). The genre is adventure/magic/ action I guess but its still very early days but I will explain the basics below:

    · A young man named Hiro leaves his small home island of Stonehaven to fulfil his dream of reaching and exploring the End of the World. Hiro has lived on the small island his whole life and has an unquenchable thirst for adventure. He has chosen his goal to be the End because when he was younger, a travelling mercenary visiting his master told him what End was- completely enrapturing the isolated young Hiro. Hiro made this his aim and trained since that day to become strong enough to make the journey. Hiro possesses a rare item known as an artefact and it will be very important in his journey. He has had the artefact ever since he was discovered on Stonehaven as an infant; embedded in the back of his left hand. Artefacts are rare but each possesses unimaginable and different powers. Across the world, multiple guilds are being formed. A guild is a group of like-minded individuals aiming for the same goal. More specifically, Explorer’s Guilds are being formed in order to have a greater chance of reaching End. Many people want to reach End for many different reasons but Hiro’s may be the most profound of all; for the joy of adventure. Along the journey, Hiro will meet various different people who will join him in his cause and they will team together to reach End.

    Artefacts: Special items and tools that boost power in battle (e.g. A sword that covers itself in flames or the ability to communicate with animals via a connection of some sort). This is one of the main gimmicks of mi idea but I do not want them to be overpowered so soldiers without artefacts can still beat them.

    The End of the World: In the story, the End of the World is undiscovered. Many groups want to reach End for various types of gain- e.g. The World Govt. wants to establish a base there to ensure complete control over the worlds laws. The race to reach the End is highly competitive. ( I do have more for this but I do not want a wall of text to stop people commenting :/ )

    Adventurers Guilds: Early on in the story, Hiro will form a guild and use it to generate funds and experience for his eventual assault on the End. He will set the guild up in his countries capital city and gradually gain members who use the guild for work and in turn help Hiro in his goal.

    My main concern is that I am trying to fit too much into the story and that maybe I should just focus on the guilds or the End.

    I would appreciate any feedback and would be happy to send a copy of what I have to anyone looking for something to read or would like to help me some more.

    Many Thanks.
     
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  2. IcyEthics
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    IcyEthics Member

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    I think this sounds like a very solid base for a story, but I do think it needs a bit more of a hook if it had to draw me in. The plot points do all sound a bit typical, and the stuff with the potential to be interesting doesn't really get any explanation in this pitch. I do like the idea of the main character establishing his own guild a lot, I always love that kind of stuff.

    If you wanted to continue with this, I'd ask yourself two questions: "Why is the End of the World actually important," and "What are the limits of artefacts." Maybe you've already got concrete answers, but I couldn't really pinpoint them. I think if you manage to make these two elements interesting, you've got a solid story idea to work on!
     
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  3. BayView
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    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    Honestly, I was enjoying this more at the start when it was just Hiro wanting to have an adventure b/c he wants an adventure - we don't see enough of that in SFF, for my taste.

    But then it got a bit less interesting with the introduction of the artifacts, one of which just happens to be in Hiro's possession for REASONS, etc. It started to sound pretty typical.

    I really do like the idea of the character starting to adventure just because he wants to, and then the deeper meanings being added in on their own. (It's more proactive than the Luke-Skywalker-style yearning for adventure but not doing a damn thing to make it happen).
     
  4. Ben Jackson
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    Ben Jackson New Member

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    [QUOTE="IcyEthics,[/QUOTE]

    Thank you for the reply. :D In answer to your questions:
    The End of the World is important because no-one has ever been there and there are countless rumours about what is located there. The Govt want to use it as a stronghold for the future whereas the rebel groups wish to overthrow the govt. they believe to be tyrannical and controlling. Individual guilds want to reach the End for the love of adventure and the treasures it may contain.

    Onto artefacts, by limits, do you mean weaknesses. Each different artefact will have strengths and weaknesses but one they all share is that using the artefacts takes its toll on the body and can only be used in short bursts ( almost like the length of time it is used depends on the users life force).

    I attached some of the planning I have done to this post for a bit more information. Thanks again
     

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  5. Ben Jackson
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    Ben Jackson New Member

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    [QUOTE="BayView,[/QUOTE]

    Thanks. I feel you. It actually is not something I had thought of and I think that could be a pretty good idea- to start with no aim and the aim of the story being found later on in the day.
    Seriously, cheers. :D
     

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