1. slippingbeauty
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    slippingbeauty Member

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    feeling too "deep" for society

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by slippingbeauty, Mar 15, 2013.

    As a writer, an artist, as a THINKER I have all my life felt that people do not understand me. Most people can only relate to me on the most basic level. They talk about American romantic comedies, boys, shopping, they talk about a certain exams for school, dieting and working out, and then they go back to talking about American romantic comedies again, as the persons brain comes to a full circle, along with their life.
    At this point I have already disappeared into my own fantasy world philosophing about all kinds of things while this person continously talks about things I really do not care about.
    So this was an example of how the typical brain of my female friends work, but for the guys and how a guy talk to another guy; its really not a whole lot different. Instead of American romantic comedies, they talk about American action movies, instead of talking about boys, they talk about sports. When it comes to how guys talk to me; they brag about their job, how much money they earn and about how much they work out.

    Sometimes I am left so incredibly bored, that I have to make two straight guys, who both are in love with me, kiss each other, in the hope of ever having a chance with me, a chance I know I will never give them anyways. I desperately want to break their tiny little circle of thoughts and make them discover that something else does exist, it has even happened that I have slapped people in the face just to see their reaction.
    Lately the only guys who have made me remember them for more than a second, have been the really bad and dangerous type, and Ive had to involve the police in several cases with crazy guys now over the past couple of months, to the point where I feel extremely embarrassed.
    I havent told my mum about any of these guys either, but the last case got so bad that the police had to involve my mum and that was just tormenting for me, because I know I have been acting so stupid in the whole situation.

    My friends are worried telling me I have issues, saying I have to see a therapist, but then I laugh because the whole reason why I am depressed is that PEOPLE DO NOT GRASP MY BRAIN AT ALL, they just are not able to wrap their head around a minor fracture of my thoughts, and trust me I have seen a ton of therapists in the past who all have just made me feel so much more like an unrelatable alien that cannot even connect to this world at all, so that would just make me a lot more depressed...

    Does anyone here have that problem, that because they actively use their brain on a different level than most people care to do, they end up feeling like they are living in an absurd dream of pointlessness? With all the boring topics falling out of peoples mouths, floating around in carefree, cute, naive bubbles, that you just want to break, with a comment which they would never even understand... because there is no hope for them, or is it that there is no hope for me...?
     
  2. rhduke
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    rhduke Contributing Member Reviewer

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    Not to seem uncaring about your situation, but for the first couple paras there, I felt like I was reading the intro to an interesting book.

    I get what you're saying. I often notice predictable patterns and habbits in the people I know, and it forces me to distance myself from them. I usually have to remind myself that I probably do similar things without realizing it, and that I'm just like every other person I've call retarded.

    I don't know. Maybe one day, you will meet someone who will not only listen to what you have to say about yourself in truth, but will force it out of you when you least expect it. There is hope. Probably.
     
  3. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    By the sounds of it you haven't emotionally matured yet, and you've not realized yet that people don't want to talk about their deepest interests and passions because they don't want to seem overbearing, or are worried that other people just will not care, or will laugh at them; so they talk about inanities to just be friendly. You do not actually know what other people go through each day just to deal with themselves. No one is as carefree as you seem to think other people are - we all have our problems, and our worries, and our dreams. What? You think you are the only one who has felt like you are screaming but no one seems to hear? Trust me on this but you are just not that special.
     
  4. slippingbeauty
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    slippingbeauty Member

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    thanks for the replies:))

    Well thanks... I do hope I find someone who I feel I can level with, but its not about me not being able to say things, so that people have to force it out of me.... its just that they dont GET it you know?:p

    Well I could agree with what youre saying when it comes to practically strangers, strangers who really are not friends of mine at all might not feel like they could open up to me, but my friends do open up to me all the time, I even feel like with some of them all we talk about is their "problems" except these problems to me are really expected etc and I end up giving the same advice to everyone because they really do live the same lives.
     
  5. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    I had a friend in high school who I knew for five years before I found out he liked opera and was bisexual. This wasn't an idle acquaintance either, this was a good friendship. People hide things. That's just what people do. We make a facade for one of a number of reasons, and over the years you become very very good at hiding it.

    Trust me, I've thought something similar myself. It's part of growing up, still holding on to the illusion that you are somehow exceptional. Some people never get over it, but most people do. Some people do have talents, some lucky people are in fact unique, but this doesn't mean that everyone else is doomed to pointlessness. That's pure pretension.
     
  6. slippingbeauty
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    slippingbeauty Member

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    :)

    Ok well Im not sure if you are just talking about your "friend" or about yourself here, but either way I do feel sorry for you... I dont know how to explain this but with real friends you do actually know them... And about your HIGH SCHOOL friend hiding the fact that he was BISEXUAL could you see any reason why this case might be a little different from any other case?:)

    Dont take any of this the wrong way:)
     
  7. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    Erm ... no. I'm not talking about myself as that 'friend'. Why would I bother to do that? Also, you seriously can't think of a single reason why someone might want to hide their sexuality? Seriously? :confused:
     
  8. slippingbeauty
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    slippingbeauty Member

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    haha

    Haha... I was pointing out that of course a teenager wants to hide the fact that he is bisexual from his friend, so the example you came with does not really prove your point of view that people in general hide things from their friends for years.
    Im sorry that you misunderstood my whole point:)
     
  9. Xatron
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    Xatron Contributing Member

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    Ditto that...

    Also, you say you find most of what your friends talk about uninteresting but i have news for you-most of us do. Why would i care about how my best friend lost her lip glosh or something when i don't even know what that is? Even if you have no interest whatsoever in what they like and talk about and you feel it is none of your business, you make it your business. Why? Because they do the same thing for you. From what you said so far you come of as quite overbearing and difficult to be friends with (at least to me). But they still hang out with you because they are your friends and they care. If you continue like that, one day you will find out that people have no real obligation to put up with you.

    The way i see it, you have three choices.
    1)Find new friends. If being in a social group where everyone has the same interests and day-to-day habits is so important to you, you are clearly in the wrong social group.
    2)Learn to put up with their interests the same way they put up with yours. Possibly discuss it with them and work it out. You can't maintain a relationship with such feelings hanging over it.
    3)You are 23 years old. You are too young to feel too deep for society. When you get to 60-65, then you can start thinking about such stuff. Right now you barely have the experiences to feel just deep enough. I would suggest seeing a good therapist like your friends say, because you obviously have some problems with emotional immaturity the most glaring of them. Try to learn how to act your age both socially and emotionally. Maybe then you will find out it is not so bad to hang around people with different interests.
     
  10. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    So ... you were pointing out the fact that people hide things by making a huge post about how you are special? That was your point? Well alright then. Good for you, I guess.
     
  11. slippingbeauty
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    slippingbeauty Member

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    :)

    No quite the opposite:) thank you for an amusing time of you misunderstanding every single thing I say making it the absolute opposite.
     
  12. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    How was I doing that?
     
  13. supportivemember
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    supportivemember Banned

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    ("...ah now, that's just your dailylife for you isn't it, so that's why you then have this forumland here to be the you that are not in your dailylife, your alter-ego perhaps but still you by your pen though..." ventured the goblin who too, had to be so superficial in dailylife if only because the world of adults is one of lies, admittedly white-lies perhaps but lies just the same, and then the goblin smiled, saying "...simply, you can't escape the social trappings of your dailylife for all your thoughts, I mean how you look in the mirror, your age, your status, your finances, your heath, and umpteen other criteria that go up to make that you on the outside, which you've realized is not really you on the inside is it, so today you see a discrepancy between the you within and the you they see you as, meaning that from this point onwards one hides oneself in full view by lying, thus gaining an inner independence by it..." continuing "...so keep posting now as I'll befriend you in my way human, and together we can laugh and chat anonymously like this until slowly you'll see who your really are by what you post, think of it as a journey to self if you like, so just keep rendering unto this dailylife what is dailylife's, all it's white-lies then, while here you can be you now, that's all...", but didn't everybody know that goblins were not to be trusted)
     
  14. slippingbeauty
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    slippingbeauty Member

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    blue goblins

    I trust goblins with all of my heart, I trust them like I trust the colour blue; which you find where the ice on the lake is too thin, and where the planks beneath you are rotten
     
  15. Sanjuricus
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    Sanjuricus Active Member

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    Slipping Beauty, I'll put money on you being INTP. See the Extrovert/Introvert thread elsewhere in the forum. Look up the INTP description on line.

    Though the Myers Briggs Type Indicator INTP describes a wide range of personalities, there are many common traits.
    I'm an INTP and I grow weary of smalltalk very quickly, especially if it's about banal bullshit like american tv series etc, I've learned over the years to feign interest which does wonders for the bond of friendship. I couldn't care less about the people outside of my chosen circle of friends and quite often prefer to be alone for a few days.
    My mind works so fast that I'm way ahead of most other people. I've figured out or resolved an issue or dilemma while most others are still getting to grips with it. I feel that people don't get me, not even close, they have no idea how deep my waters run. As much as I dislike myself for it, I view most other people as my intellectual inferiors...but I have an immense amount of respect for those that demonstrate intelligence. I can't tolerate stupidity or idiocy at all, often makes me hostile towards the perpetrator...and when I'm hostile I can be appallingly callous.
    I also find it incredibly easy to manipulate people, I was wondering at one point if I was a sociopath because I found it so easy...but it's because I understand the fundamentals of what drive people.
    In my youth I was dangerous, to myself mainly. Got involved with all the wrong types...then I decided I wanted out. That streak is still there and I have to fight it every day but the struggle is something I enjoy!

    If any of the above sounds like you, welcome to the club. /handshake

    It's not all bad. As you mature you'll see more and more of the good side. It takes very little to fuel my imagination, when I watch a tv program that triggers me...I'm off down a stream of what ifs and maybes which is bloody fantastic!! I can look at a situation, pull it apart in my head and truly understand it very quickly which helps a lot in my working life. I have a small circle of close friends who I actually do give a shit about, woe betide anyone who harms them!! ;) I have a wife who keeps me grounded and that I love so profoundly words are really insufficient. I learn. I learn so much that it worries other people. I'm currently writing a novel (3 others in development!), perfecting my bread making technique, learning to bake, studying for a degree, learning how to maintain my motorbike, maintaining a few websites...the list goes on.

    Learn to embrace your potential not be ashamed of it. Learn to act in ways that other people find pleasant even if you don't feel genuine in doing so. Learn to think before you act...and for that matter, look back when you have acted.
     
  16. supportivemember
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    supportivemember Banned

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    ("....then you've know of that famous poem about one's relationship to death then..." replied the goblin who loved it too, saying "...remember not to compromise within, no you only have to compromise without, that's all, for that's the world of adults now...")

    The Midnight Skaters

    The hop-poles stand in cones,
    The icy pond lurks under,
    The pole-tops steeple to the thrones
    Of stars, sound gulfs of wonder;
    But not the tallest thee, 'tis said,
    Could fathom to this pond's black bed.
    Then is not death at watch
    Within those secret waters?
    What wants he but to catch
    Earth's heedless sons and daughters?
    With but a crystal parapet
    Between, he has his engines set.

    Then on, blood shouts, on, on,
    Twirl, wheel and whip above him,
    Dance on this ball-floor thin and wan,
    Use him as though you love him;
    Court him, elude him, reel and pass,
    And let him hate you through the glass.

    Edmund Blunden
     
  17. Audrey
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    Audrey New Member

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    Hahaha, I love this.

    I am somewhat confused at the purpose of the conversation...but I refuse to believe that other people are that superficial. People hide things all the time, either to avoid being judged for their personal interests to is too embarrassing. I tend to believe that people who spill out "how they are special" on a anonymous forum are pretentious pricks when they believe that they have a deeper grasp on life. Or a troll. Some people are more likely to think about the greater meanings of life or likely to diverge from the safe, typical topics in conversation, but just because a person enjoys the conventional things in life does not make them superficial. I may be an optimist when it comes to human nature, but it seems a shame to condemn a large part of society just because they don't discuss philosophy and write. :D
     
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  18. Bimber
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    Bimber Contributing Member

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    I agree with Lemex, it is a thing that goes by with years, you get used to it and adjust to it in a way. You may feel people dont understand you but does it really matter? As long as you can be happy and enjoy life in anyway you want those things then dont matter much. Other peoples problems may seem small to you but your own problems may also seem small to others, everyone has problems and thinks of them big and that they will never go away so learn to not judge other peoples problems and think your better than them.

    Plus everyone has something to hide out of need or that people wont understand and thats normal, almost no one in my life knows i write and i have friends who i know i can ask anything of them and they of me, but they too have secrets that we each keep not that we dont trust each other but its a small part of ourselves that we keep, and personally i dont see the need to go around and tell people i write, its a thing i do for myself not for others. The same thing i do with religion i live in a dangerous place to be in if you are an atheist and to say it out loud people will not understand me here because they were raised to believe thats the devils work but i dont hide it when i'm in my own country.
    But does that all mean people dont understand me, for some yeah but not for most not for those people i care about and call friends those things i hide are not things that say who i am, they'r just a small part of me.

    So if am complicated to understand think how other people are, no one is simple, its just how they learned to live and accept other things. And about those meaningless talks you said some day you may come to miss those too!
    When you move away from friends and dont get to see them for a long time you get to miss everything, what would i give now to be siting in a cafe drinking coffee with one of my girlfriends were she would be telling me how she broke her nail and had to go fix it and how long it took and i would smile and admire how a small thing for me means the world to her.
     
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  19. Gallowglass
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    Gallowglass Contributing Member Contributor

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    I mean this with the least amount of offence possible - I've been in a similar situation, I know where you're coming from - but claiming people 'just don't get' you or that you find everyone uninteresting is going to come across as arrogant and demeaning. You may not be - to be honest it doesn't sound like you are - but if people refuse to engage with you on as deep a level as you'd like it's probably just because they don't relate to you on that level because of your perceived arrogance. Why would they want to talk about anything deep with someone who seems self-absorbed?

    There's a thousand other reasons besides: trust, privacy, just plain 'not wanting to talk about it.' If it's something emotional, even those very close to that person may not know the whole truth. My girlfriend's a prime example of this. I can't go into the details but there is some very serious stuff that she just refuses to talk about. She just doesn't want to divulge those inner secrets to someone else, because, well, they're her inner secrets...you need to trust someone absolutely to open yourself up on that level. Prying - I've found from personal experience - only makes it worse; if you constantly harass and hound a person for information on something close to their heart they will just become distant and withdrawn.

    I agree with Lemex. You're not nearly as emotionally mature as you like to think.
     
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  20. TimHarris
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    TimHarris Senior Member

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    You sound like an introvert. It is perfectly normal to feel like you do, and I guess a great deal more people feel as you do than would admit it. It's just that it's the social norm that we are expected to smalltalk and talk about garbage. I cant stand it either. As much as you hate it however, it is necessary to at least have a basic degree in smalltalk, otherwise it becomes impossible to break the ice when meeting new people, and you wont really get to the point where you can discuss deeper subjects.

    I think the biggest problem is that you keep surrounding yourself with other people whose brain dont work the same way as you. Personally I dont get why people are content with gossip and small talk to get them through their life. It makes me sick having to endure it for prolonged periods of time, but luckily I have a few friends with whom I can discuss more philosophical questions with deeper meaning, and those relationships are valuable to me.

    Sanjuricus already mentioned it, but have a look at the Introvert/Extravert thread on the forums, located here: http://www.writingforums.org/showthread.php?t=60342
     
  21. Michael Collins
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    Michael Collins Contributing Member

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    I have to agree with Lemex on this.
     
  22. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    I too thought this was a piece of work, maybe the diary of an emo who really thinks she is too good for he friends, too clever, too deep and I was quite enjoying it but then thought hey, this is real!

    You have a lot of different views here on your issue, some you might take on board, some you might think of as a waste of virtual ink - just as well we don't still have ribbon huh?

    Why did you initially join this site? Was it to bleet on about nobody being on your level, nobody 'getting' you? Or did you join to write? I expect the latter... so WRITE!

    Write about the girl and these feelings she's harboring, write about her relationships with girls as well as boys, even the weirdoes who kiss each other for your amusement and what they thought of you when you still knocked them back. Write about how your mother must feel when your conniving gets the police involved, write about how you roll your eyes at your friends watcing big brother or how they react when you don't contribute there meaningless celebrity gossip.

    Start with your first two paragraphs in your OP and you might just write the best self help book ever - GET WRITING!
     
  23. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    There are some quite narcissistic attitudes you expressed in your post, also manipulative behaviours. But more than anything, a sort of disappointment in something. You obviously can relate to people, since you have friends and if those friends are telling you there's something wrong with how you are relating to others, they are probably right. You sound a bit immature for 23 so perhaps you are still experiencing feelings such as exaggerated opinion of oneself, mood changeability and depressive thoughts, all are very common. I'd say, give your self time. If all these "bad" behaviours and negative thoughts are just an expression of dissatisfaction, research your life to find what are you actually disappointed about. Don't displace your anger onto people around you, instead, work on resolving outstanding issues. This will help with a more positive outlook because even if you are so awesome that everyone else is beneath you, it's better to be happy in your environment than irritable and dissatisfied.
     
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  24. shadowwalker
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    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

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    People confide in other people if they believe that other person will actually be interested, for one thing. It's quite possible your friends engage in 'inane conversation' with you because they know you really don't give a crap. They may also not feel like getting into long, drawn-out philosophical discussions every time they engage with you.

    As to Lemex's friend, I can relate to that. Not presuming to know the details of that relationship, but my own experience is that people will confide in others when they are comfortable with their own thoughts - or at least, comfortable enough that they are willing to reveal themselves with all the questions/uncertainties they still have. It has nothing to do with the level of friendship - it has everything to do with the level of conflict they still have with themselves.

    I would say you just need to mature a little more, start getting out of the "I, me, my" mindset and take some actual interest in what other people think. There's a difference between being an introvert and being self-centered - there's also a difference between being philosophical/intellectual and being self-centered. Stop looking at the surface and dismissing people as being nothing more than that.
     
  25. Sanjuricus
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    Sanjuricus Active Member

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    this!

    Do it!


    Do it now!!!

    :)
     

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