This post is considerably long, but I would appreciate some input and guidance. thank you. I'm honestly at a point in my life where I feel totally helpless and I just have no desire to do anything anymore. I am just so discouraged and I feel so miserable all the time. I can't rely on anybody in my life at all anymore. I only have about 1 friend currently, and I barely see him because he works regularly, and when we hang out we don't really have much to do. I used to have more friends but we drifted apart, and I tried to reach out to them and bring them closer, but they just refused and ignored me. I also have a few good online friends who I occasionally talk too, but that's about it. I spend the majority of my time at home because I have nowhere to go. I don't have a job, or a girlfriend either so that makes matters even worse. I occasionally go for walks, go to the movies alone, but overall I never have any plans. I never have anything to look forward too. I'm extremely selective about who I chose to be friends with. Not many people understand me and I don't really open up to many people. Overall I've lost the ability to function properly in my life. I have no love life. I have no job. I have absolutely nothing going for me in this world right now. I look at the world around me and I see how full of joy it seems to be, and how everybody is in a relationship and has somebody to call their own. Everybody seems to have goals and aspirations, and they all appear to have successful futures ahead of them. I honestly have nothing going for me. My life doesn't seem like it's getting any better at all. Every day is exactly the same. I wake up, and spend my free time at home on the computer. I just feel so isolated from the world. I have no fortitude left to do anything at this point. Making new friends is just not going to happen. I have made new friends last year, and after hanging out a few times I lost contact with them because they are just too different from me and we don't share the same values and ideals, therefore having a friendship with them was pointless. I just can't relate to many people in this world. I just have a few online friends who I can truly relate too, but in person my social life is absolutely terrible at this point. Nobody seems to acknowledges me as a person and nobody has any desire to treat me like a person. I have a really good heart and I'm a genuine person who just wants to feel treated equally and cared about, yet nobody gives me the time of day at all. I am just floating on by in this sad world, ignored by my peers and looked down upon by society. Usually, teenagers my age have such fulfilling lives. They are actively engaged in the world, they hang out with friends, they go to parties, they date and have romantic love interests, they socialize, they have fun, and they live life to the fullest. I just wish that I could be a normal teenager as well, in that sense. I wish I could do all of those things and have a promising life as well. I wish I could experience joy and laughter, and be able to be among friends who enjoy my company. I wish I could fit in somewhere in this world. I just feel like a failure. It's just constant disappointment. I always strive to be a good sincere person and I try not to harbor any ill feelings towards others. I just feel like I'm losing hope as the days progress. I have been a kind-hearted and caring person all my life and I think I am entitled to some happiness. Is that really so wrong? It just seems like I'll never find true happiness. Am I really destined to be alone? My mind is starting to say yes. I just don't even know anymore. There are days when I want to cry myself to sleep. I feel like I am lost, alone and will never find my way.. I don't think anybody can help me at this point. I'm just so tired of never being happy. I'm only 18 currently, yet I feel like this is as good as it gets for me. I just feel like I'm squandering my youth by remaining at home, but what choice do I honestly have? It's either stay home, or go somewhere alone and have a miserable time. I can't call up anybody and invite them due to my extreme lack of friends. As I mentioned previously, I only have 1 friend right but now he's never around, and when I attempt to make plans with him, he makes excuses and claims he doesn't feel like hanging out. I have held 3 jobs in the past, but currently I am unemployed and simply have no motivation to look for a job. I don't care about insignificant things like money, because I have no desire to buy anything. I am content with what I have materialistically, but yeah.. At the end of the day I just have nobody to turn too anymore. I used to have an extremely active social life, and used to be surrounded by many friends all the time, but that was just a phase. I realized those people were superficial and after realizing who they truly were, I eliminated them from my life. I just feel like there aren't any genuine people left in this world. Everybody I meet, I seem to realize how they are entirely different from me and I can't maintain friendships with people who are so vastly different. I am trying to make life work, but at this rate there is nothing left for me to do. Even if I go out and find a job, I doubt that will benefit me. A job will allow me to be financially stable, but I doubt it will help enhance my social life. I'll probably make a friend or two at work, but I can honestly say those people will just end up being acquaintances. They won't be actual friends I can hang out with and actually rely on. I just have no hope left in anybody. Register to remove this ad The last time when I felt genuinely happy in my life was probably around 2 years ago. I somehow managed to meet a girl out of the blue, and we spent a great deal of time together and we had a relationship for about a month or two. Every moment I spent with her was absolutely wonderful. Things didn't work out unfortunately, and I was a mess for months. Since her, I haven't met a single girl, or been in a single relationship. I don't know anybody in person that I can relate with and understand on a personal level. I have a few best friends online whom live in other states, and I've known them for several years. I can always talk to them about anything and they always seem to understand my perspective, and they seem to genuinely care about my well-being. I don't have any friends in real life who share those morals or care about me like that.. The only people I see and interact with on a daily basis is my family. My Mom is usually at work so I don't really see her as much. It's just very difficult for me to envision a brighter future for myself right now sadly. I've been stuck in this situation for almost 2 years now. It's just really hard for me to fix my life. I just don't know where to start. There are so many worries and concerns in my life.. I'll be turning 19 in a few months, and it's sad that I've achieved so little in the past few years. I'm just really disappointed in myself. I thought I would be able to forge a brighter future for myself. I thought I would be more capable.. I didn't know I would live a life of solitude. I don't mean to sound so bitter and cynical. I just feel like nothing is changing and I just try to remain strong, but at the same I just feel like it won't get any better. I don't know where I'll end up at this rate. I feel like I have so much potential and capacity in this world for greatness yet I can't seem to establish myself in this world. I try to go out whenever I can, but I always come home empty handed. I would love nothing more than to have a relationship right now. I've just been struggling so much with making friends that it seems so futile. Having a girlfriend would be more than enough for me, it truly would. What else can I really do? It just seems like I always end up back at square one all the time.. I feel like in 5 years, I will still be in the same place. Alone, without any friends, no girlfriend.. It just really hurts. I have lost so much touch with the world.. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life slowly, growing older, and still remaining in the same place.. I just don't know where I'm headed. I have no idea what I could expect at this point. I would really appreciate some input on this.. I feel really uncertain about what to even do at this point. The only thing that's been keeping me busy is my job search. I've been occasionally looking around once a week for any new openings, hoping to get hired and maybe that will distract me from all of this.. But anyway, thank you for reading I appreciate it.