1. SophiaGrace
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    SophiaGrace New Member

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    First loves...

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by SophiaGrace, Jan 26, 2012.

    I am writing a story about a first love... and the lasting impact that it has on my two character's lives. First of all, they were best friends before they fell in love with each other and then some stuff happens and he moves away... but comes back like 5 years later.

    What are your thoughts on first loves? Are they all they are hyped up to be? Why do you think that they are built up so much? What is it about a first love that makes your heart ache or makes you smile a little bit?
     
  2. jc.
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    jc. Contributing Member

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    I think it's mainly in Western culture that the idea of "first loves" is so glamorized. I grew up moving around in different countries before my dad chose to retire in Hawaii, and it wasn't until I moved here that I started hearing/learning so much about the idea of American love. Generally speaking I feel like the American view on love is extremely skewed.

    It's exciting and romantic, yes, but disappointingly unrealistic. They can be magical when you're young and naive, but then you become more experienced and grow out of the fantasy. You learn about mature love.

    Then again, love is different for everyone. Maybe because of my upbringing I've just never been an overly romantic person.

    Best of luck to you.
     
  3. DonovanC
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    DonovanC New Member

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    First loves are untainted by negative experience, and for a lot of people being unprepared for the heartbreak makes them the most devastating. In future loves, you're generally more on guard for the pain.
     
  4. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    You are centering a book on this idea, and you are asking what other people believe about first loves?

    This is kind of backwards for this type of theme. You should be pulling enough context from your experiences (direct or observational) to construct a believable relationship and plausible characters.

    "Write what you know" is often interpreted too literally, but this is clearly a case in which you should pay attention to the adage.

    Be a window, not a mirror. Let the reader see some pieces of you.
     
  5. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    SophiaGrace, your profile doesn't indicate your age, but from the tone of your question, I suspect you are rather young (if I'm wrong, please accept my apology; but it is a young kind of question). So Cogito's excellent advice may not, in this case, be very helpful except as a caution that, if you don't have much experience to draw on, writing on the subject may be more of a projection of impressions from other works or art forms rather than experience. Experience in this regard is often a hard teacher.

    I remember when my sister had her first real boyfriend (as opposed to holding hands at the mall, etc). She was 16, he was 17, and they dated the entire school year. She invited him to dinner and to a few family gatherings, and it was clear to see they were crazy about each other. But I remember my mother saying one night that she wished they had been a few years older when they had met. Young love is sweet and wonderful, but it is also very fragile, and vulnerable to the various emotional swings that teens go through. Sure enough, after the school year, he graduated from both high school and my sister and moved on, and my sister was devastated for a time - the usual outcome.

    In my first novel, I used a similar idea to yours - children who had grown up as friends and neighbors from infancy develop a romantic attraction in their early teens. In my story, the different directions they took in high school snuffed out the romantic aspect, but their friendship was altered - deepened - by the experience. The girl eventually marries, and later introduces the boy to the girl he eventually marries. Having them marry each other was never in the cards - it would have seemed to forced and trite.

    Hope this helps.
     
  6. SophiaGrace
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    SophiaGrace New Member

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    Actually, I am 21... and not unexperienced with love by any means. It wasn't that I was asking you guys to tell me how to write this - I know how to write it, very well in fact. It was more to get viewpoints on it. I have more than enough of my own experiences - good and bad, to draw from.

    I'd agree with saying that your first love is often the most innocent because you've never had your heart broken before.

    So, no, it wasn't for "advice" I guess it was just to see what other people thought about this. My apologies for being unclear.
     
  7. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Then finish your story. When it's finished, see how people respond to it.

    If your story evokes such discussion, consider it a success.

    Put your energy into the story first. Getting reactions on the abstract question will not help you write. It may even dilute your focus.
     
  8. Cacian
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    Cacian Banned

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    I am not sure wether should insist or need to descibe it as first love because then everything that comes after means they were not as important as the first one which is definetely not true.
    One cannot measure feelings for they fluctuate like the wind.
    I would drop the cliche of first love and just go on describing how the characters feel with the moment.
     
  9. dasylum
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    dasylum Member

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    First loves do stick with you. What you described is similar to my story. Only I moved away and didn't see her for nine years. There was always an air of mystery as to what would happen if we ever met up again. Sadly, the night we spent together was awful and she stopped replying. It's like the last cord of childhood being severed. You can move towns, countries, but your first love will always be that one person.
     
  10. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    Not everyone has a 'first love' as a teenager, if you mean the full 'falling in love/puppy love' kind of thing. I think the idea is a bit of a Western stereotype. If you don't fall in love until you are in your mid-twenties, the hype doesn't apply so much.
     
  11. Kallithrix
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    Kallithrix Banned

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    When you're young I think you have too many hormones whizzing around to really know what is prompting your feelings for a person, and your emotional development is very limited. You either idealise a crush or relationship because of what you see on tv, rom-coms and fairy stories etc, or looking at older people's relationships and wanting to emulate them to feel grown up. But you're also just totally at the mercy of your hormones and growing sexual impulses.

    I have only ever felt weak at the knees once when a boy kissed me, and that was the boy whose family moved in next door to my grandparents when I was about 6. Every summer I would spend a week or so with them, and every summer that week would be spent totally mooning over the boy next door (he was a few years older than me and to my young eyes, the most gorgeous guy I'd ever seen). When I was fifteen or sixteen the pining from a distance turned into flirting and was reciprocated, and one afternoon when everyone else was out at the shops, he made a move on me. That was the best afternoon of making out I've ever experienced, and I have never since then felt anything like that sense of euphoria at winning the object of my affection. So, maybe not first love, but definitely first lust ;-)
     
  12. VM80
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    VM80 Contributing Member Contributor

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    That's a good point. Not everyone is the same.
     
  13. Blueflare
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    Blueflare Member

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    Very true. I don't think I've ever "fallen in love" in the stereotypical way that might be expected of a teenager. I didn't love anyone until I was 19, and then that was a fairly gradual and undramatic thing.
    People who "fall in love" suddenly also tend to end up with all kinds of drama and heartbreak. I guess this makes a good plot for a novel but probably an unpleasant sort of life.
     

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