1. Sipsik
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    Sipsik Member

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    Flirt between men

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Sipsik, Mar 8, 2015.

    So, hey, help me out guys and girls:) I am trying to write a love story between two men and I want to ask any advice to sound believable. Is this anything particularly interesting or curious enough to point out that should be different from guys flirting to girls? Anyone who has experience? Anything that comes to your head? Anything that one probably would never or would surely do? I´m not very flirty myself at all and tend to not notice when others are , so just generous advice about flirt would help.
     
  2. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    More info needed.
    • Are they two openly gay guys flirting?
    • Are neither of them open and each worries that maybe the other guy isn't gay or is gay, but the risk of being outed in the flirt is too great so will pretend to not being gay?
    • Are they both gay but only one is openly so?
    • Are they str8 guys who are bromantically flirting?
    • Is it a gay guy and a curious-but-so-far-str8 guy?
    • Where are they?
    • Are they alone?
    What's the dynamic?
     
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  3. BayView
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    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    There's just as much variation within the group "gay men" as there is within the group "straight men". Write your characters as individuals, not as group members.

    How do your characters flirt? Wreybies' questions are a good start to figuring that out, but I think you need to add in details about the individuals, not just the dynamic between them. Is your character shy or outgoing, virginal or experienced, optimistic or pessimistic, confident or insecure? Does he use humour as a way to make others feel at ease or as a way to make them uncomfortable? Is he looking for true love or a quick trick? How did his last relationship end, and does he still carry the scars? What did he have for breakfast, and has it given him the energy to stay strong throughout the day? etc.!
     
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  4. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    What did he have for breakfast? :rofl: That's a fun one.
     
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  5. Sipsik
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    Sipsik Member

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    Yeah, these are incredibly good. Thank you.

    Well, thing is they have not discussed it yet. The main character is more shy but knows for sure he is in love. The other character is more bold and outgoing but has a girlfriend, who is a friend of them both. So, this is why my main character holds himself back even more, because he only hopes, what if. He wants to give hints, and the thing is, I don´t know how I would, so he doesn´t either so far.
    I thought I let the dude who my main character fancies to start flirting, because as I said he is bolder and experienced (at least with a girl).
    Oh yeah, and my main character is lonely and tries to keep every close human he has, so this is difficult for him, but he wants the other dude more than he wants a friend though.

    Thank you all who have answered so far:)
     
  6. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    I'm not gay, nor am I a man, but I think there are lots of things I would relate to in this story. You say that one of your characters is actually in love. That means 'flirting' may not be what he wants to do.

    I know I never flirted with somebody I really was in love with—when I still wasn't sure how they felt about me. It seemed fake, and I felt their response might be fake as well. In fact, I was standoffish instead, because of fear of getting hurt. (I was probably hard work, come to think of it. I really was scared of coming out of my shell. Cancer woman that I am!)

    Flirting, at least for me, implies testing the water but not caring much about the outcome. Just a bit of fun. I did eventually learn to overcome fear and speak up, but speaking up is what I did. I didn't flirt. Flirting is what I did when I KNEW the other person fancied me right back!

    Your character is trying to do two, or rather three things here. He wants to know if the other guy fancies him. He wants to know if the other guy is straight, bi, or gay. He wants to know if the other guy is even available. Maybe have him pick at one of these three to get started. Enter into a conversation that is aimed at finding out how committed he is to his girlfriend. Maybe drop a few mentions of the issue of gay rights into the conversation and see what the guy's reaction is. Just take it slowly and cautiously.

    Or he can throw caution to the winds and just ask straight out! Of course he risks rejection, but better to know right away than spend months agonising over it, only to get rejected later on. Maybe the other guy doesn't fancy the idea at first. If he's gay and using a girlfriend as cover, he may not want to risk coming out of that cover just yet. If he's never considered a relationship with another guy, this might set him to thinking about it. Keep in mind the dynamic of love/versus fun. He might be attracted to the idea of sex with a guy, just to see, but maybe the thought of a serious love affair might put him off. In other words, if he thinks your main character is just out for a bit of fun, that might change his mind. Of course it could change it the other way as well. Maybe he doesn't want to risk the conventional relationship he's in right now for 'a bit of fun.'

    So ...lots and lots to think about here. First of all, make sure that YOU know what you want the characters to think, feel and do. If you're still not sure how this is going to go, I'd maybe spend a little more time getting it clear in your head. Then you can get directed help at the mechanics of getting it into written form. As @Wreybies suggested, we need to know more about what is actually going to happen between these two. The readers don't need to know this yet, but you do. And so does anybody else who is trying to help you out.
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2015
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  7. Talisien
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    Talisien Member

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    Agree with all the comments above. However, think also about the individual character's psychology. How old are they both, what was their upbringing, do they have religious differences, a difference on social status, different levels of experience, are they a different race with cultural differences ... all these can add tension and a dynamic to the relationship between them.
     
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