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  1. Tekqueen
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    Tekqueen Member

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    Gnome story stuck on a place in the story

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Tekqueen, Jun 2, 2011.

    have been working on a gnome story for a while now and I am stuck on some places in the story and would like some ideas please. In this post below is a summary of the story I'm stuck on. if you need more information or detail or clarification please let me know. Or if I need to put this into a certain format for easier reading let me know what to use on it.

    I have a gnome story so far it's untitled,

    Characters: Lord Savron noble gnome protagonist, Lord Verson friend to Lord Savron, Zavaro witch antagonist, Lady Terragon former servant now a noble woman of Stars Ridge.

    ** Plot summary- Lord Savron has fallen in love with Lady Terragon after he had rescued her from a cruel man who had kept her for years as his servant. Later after disappointing her so badly after he doesn't allow her to see him. He goes to the witch Zavaro she gives him a potion that will turn him into a man for a week, though during this time he will have no voice. If after the week passes and he has not won her love he will never again be able to go back to his life as a gnome.

    Here is where I am a little stuck on this one, in the story he only has a week to be with Lady Terragon I am not sure what should happen to him at the end of the week I know it will keep him from going back to his life as a gnome. Also during the week I was thinking something should happen to him each night that passes and he has not won her love.

    What do you think should happen here in these places in the story? Please let me know your thoughts and ideas. I welcome any suggestions and ideas if you see anything that needs to be corrected lets work on it and I'll make any corrections or editing that need to be made. I want to learn how to make this a great story, as I think this will be a good one.


    Thank you,
    Tekqueen:cool:
     
  2. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    I'm going to put this as gently as I can...getting suggestions from people here (and you will get some) is not going to help you become a better writer. Working it out for yourself will (and you can do that by concentrating on what you ultimately want to have happen, then working your way from Point A to Point B). This is one of the many things young writers need to learn, and there really isn't an easy way to do it.

    I know you want to make your story as good as it can be. But, please, trust me, learning to work through this kind of problem yourself is more important than an individual story. It really is.

    Besides, what makes you think any of us will do any better by your story than you will?

    Best of luck, and I seriously mean that.
     
  3. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    You mean something that would forever kill his chances of winning her love and thus becoming a man? Or something that would make him not want to return to gnome-hood? I can help, but I need to know more in order for my help to be relevant.

    Also, Lord Savron sounds and looks too similar to LOTR's Lord Sauron, in my opinion.

    Ed, normally I agree with that type of post when the OP is simply asking for permission, but that's not the case here. She's not posting "This is what I have, does it sound good?" She's briefly explaining her plot, then explaining where she's stuck, and that's a far difference from validation-seeking (and the purpose of what this board is for).
     
  4. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    ... just like Ed was not saying, "Don't ask us for permission. Just write it." Ed was saying, "If you ask others to solve your problem, it won't make you a better writer. If you solve it yourself, you will become a better writer."


    I have one thing to say:
    When you wrote this part, did you mean this?:
    I hate to sound rude, but you've basically copied that part exactly from The Little Mermaid. You've got a witch who is an antagonist. The main character is noble/royalty and loses their ability to speak. It's a little bit... you know... done already.
     
  5. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Yes, that is what I said.

    Mal, you're one of the most helpful people on this board, as well as one of the friendliest. And this board does exist so that we can help each other with the craft of writing - what literary devices to use, what pitfalls to avoid, problems with structure and grammar, how publishing works, even providing critiques...but there are some things that a I think good writer should always do on his/her own if (s)he is really serious about becoming a better writer. Working through the gaps in a story to make a good story idea into a good story is one of them. And it's as important for a writer to be able to do that as it is to know to go to a dictionary on his/her own instead of posting here for definitions.
     
  6. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Regarding the similarities to The Little Mermaid, keep in mind that even that was not an original idea (as Cogito likes to say, it's all been done before; the trick is to make yours a story that others will want to read). It was really Goethe's Faust - a deal with the devil. Faust longed for all the knowledge in the world, and traded his immortal soul to get it (and that - the price of knowledge being one's soul - actually goes all the way back to the Book of Genesis, but never mind).

    The key to the device is that the protagonist agrees to give up something (s)he treasures in return for something (s)he wants desperately enough to get it. In Mermaid, Ariel agreed to give up her voice, which was so beautiful. Why does Savron give up his voice? If Ariel lost her voice forever, she would have lost her defining quality. Is Savron's voice his defining quality? It doesn't sound like it, based on the bit you provided above. And that's what makes it sound like it was lifted from something already done.

    But I see a more basic problem. Why would a gnome become a human in order to win the heart of a gnome? That doesn't make sense to me.

    Things in a story don't just happen. They happen because human (or gnome) events build on previous human (gnome) events, and occasionally acts of nature. Things like magic exist in literature as a way to force a story where we want it to go. But even purveyors of magic can't be seen to act randomly. There has to be a benefit to him being a man for a week in his pursuit of her other than the writer just saying so. The reader needs to understand that. There has to be a reason the witch names his voice as the cost, other than that it's been done well before.

    I'd be willing to hazard a guess that if you work through these issues in your story, you'll be well on your way to filling in the gaps you feel you have.
     
  7. Tekqueen
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    Tekqueen Member

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    Lady Terragon is a human and Lord Savron is a gnome, just clarifying the confusion on that one. This story is different from the mermaid story it's a story about magic and love and a Gnome falling in love with a human whom he wants to be with and will take the risk in giving up his gnome life to be with her. I might change Lord Savrons name to something different it was the first name I thought of when starting this story.


    Mallory I'll post more here soon to give you more detail on the story later today or this weekend. Thank you for your help Mallory. You are very friendly and helpful to me. :) Your from Florida? Cool I vacation there in the summers on the beach. I love St.Augustine thats where I go for summer fun. :)

    I'll post more and answer your questions so you can help me with the story better and thank you again for helping me Mallory.

    Tekqueen:cool:
     
  8. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    Yes, but that exact plot point, which is essential to the plot in every way, is almost LIFTED from it. I know it has all been done before, but that plot point changes names and race and that's it.

    Again, that's pretty much the Little Mermaid. Ariel sees a prince, decides she likes him, and she becomes a human but loses her voice. This is the same, even to the point of them being upper class ("Lady this" "Lord that").
     
  9. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Takqueen - No prob, anytime. I'm from the Orlando area. St. Aug is great.

    Ed - I realize that you didn't accuse the OP of asking for validation or anything, and my post may have come across that way on a second reading. My bad, I stand corrected. However, I just meant that with this type of plot question, I think it's okay for people to ask here, as she does have a specific question and not just "what do you think." That's all I was trying to convey, but I do agree with the advice that it's often best to work through it yourself, and that's something I'm going to apply to my own current plot problem. And thank you for your compliments - you're a great forum member, too. :)

    I can see the resemblences CruciFICTION pointed out between "The Little Mermaid" and this story. Tekqueen ought to be careful when writing, because she for sure doesn't want to just parallel that plotline exactly with no twists. But having some similarities and parallels isn't always a bad thing. That's like saying that any story about a girl with a nasty stepmom and stepsisters is a ripoff of Cinderella. There's been comedy and drama movies spun off of the themes of Cinderella, The Seven Dwarves, The Taming of the Shrew, the Frog Prince, Romeo and Juliet, Red Riding Hood, King Arthur, A Midsummer Night's Dream, and the list goes on. Having some similar elements with Little Mermaid isn't a death sentence.

    On this point, though, I'd like to caution Tekqueen against following the Mermaid plot to the end. There's nothing wrong with a reader noting similarity between the two methods of how the character becomes human -- but if it's too closely paralleled, then even the ending will be completely predictable because anyone who's read the fairytale and can figure out who is based off of who will know exactly how things are going to unfold. Lifting certain aspects of folklores is okay, but not the entire plot and not every single character.

    And again, please change the name Lord Savron. People will immediately think of Lord Sauron. ;)
     
  10. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    That's certainly right. I only point it out because I'd hate for someone to write something only to have everyone who reads it say, "This is like The Little Mermaid but with gnomes (and the main character is a male)."
    That's honestly the only thing I get from that basic plot description. The Little Mermaid with gnomes. Of course, "The Little Gnome" would be a pretty awesome title, considering that he's becoming human. Might have some sexual connotations, that title.
     
  11. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    If Tekqueen wants, I see potential here to make a really awesome comedy. Parallel the entire plot of The Little Mermaid, but satirize it. Make it funny. This way, even if it's too similar to the point of being predictable and all that stuff I posted above, readers won't care because it's a great laugh, especially with "The Little Gnome" as a title. I don't know if comedy is your angle, and I'm not trying to insult you by not taking your work seriously or implying that you're ripping off too much (I don't do passive-aggressive stuff, so if I thought that, or if I was making fun of you, I'd be straight up about it, but I'm not here). It's just one option. Because I like satirical comedy, and I see this as being a plotline with tons of potential for it.
     
  12. Tekqueen
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    Tekqueen Member

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    Gnome Story Reply

    This story wasn't meant to resemble any particular story. I didn't think it did I didn't see that. Now that people have seen it and maybe there is away it can be different. I know Lord Navaro does that sound better for a name or do you have an idea for a better one?

    I know the lord gnome has fallen in love with the human Terragon and he wants to be with her as he has fallen in love with her. I do know that he and Terragon will end up together in the end as that's the way love stories go. Well not all the time but most of the time anyway. lol :D

    Could we brainstorm together here as this is the start of something cool I think. You have all been so kind and helpful thank you to you all.

    Tekqueen:cool:
     
  13. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Why in the world would you want to do that?

    Create your own story. Exercise your own imagination.

    Do you think Robert Ludlow brainstorms a story with his BFFs? Or King, or Rowling, or whatever published author you admire?

    The Writing Issues forums are intended to discuss approaches, techniques, strategies. The idea is to expand your repertoire of writing tools, not swap story bits like neighbors swapping recipes.

    Be a writer. Create from your imagination. Tap into your own pleasures, feelings, peeves, fears, and pride. Write from your heart, not from a collection plate.
     

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