1. Sylvester

    Sylvester Member

    Oct 29, 2008
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    Goldilocks Vs. The Stork.

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Sylvester, Dec 4, 2008.

    In my script, a childless heiress fakes her own kidnapping in a plot to abduct my four twelve year old super heroes to be surrogate children. After the kidnapping, the pilot flying the sleeping children to their new home comments about knowing how a stork feels.

    I was thinking, what if instead of having them kidnapped, the kids trap themselves. While the kidnappers are waiting to ambush them in Arizona, Phoenix Force is sneaking into the the kidnappers lair to try to rescue the "kidnapped" heiress. The kidnappers return from their failed attempt to kidnap them to find the boy and three girls, like Goldilocks, asleep in "Baby Bear's bed," or to be more percise, the lavish beds prepared for them.

    Does anyone have any ideas on how to do it without making the kids look stupid?

    The idea I'm toying with has Renee / White Soceress using a form of locator spell with Kelly / Dreamer focusing on the golden jumpsuits she saw in one of her visions. "Mobilus Theranin" (There and in).

    They find themsleves in the kidnapper's Colorado lair. Not only in the same room as the pajamas prepared for them, but wearing them. Suppose to neutralize their powers by blocking the light based energy they need to use them the outfits don't seem to work.

    Beverly / Charmer orders the only kidnappers they encounter to go to bed. With the rest of the kidnappers out waiting for them in Arizona, the kids use their own surveillance cameras to search the mansion for the kidnapped heiress. They find the cameras in the cell prepared for them. As the spell worked so good the first time, Renee uses it again to find the room.

    This time it backfires.

    Still in the pajamas the find themselves in the luxurious beds. For a few seconds, they take in the room, enjoy the comfortable beds, and like kids, laugh and giggle at each other. It's then that they realize that the names on the PJs are their real name, not their super hero identities.

    It's then when they try to get up that they discover they are strapped to the beds by restaints hidden in the bedding. Struggling to escape, none of them notice the quietly hissing nozzles concealed behind the pillows releasing an odorless, colorless gas to put them to sleep. Controlled by motion detectors, the turn off once the kids are out and reactivate every time they stir.

    Needless to say, the rest of the kidnappers are in for a big surprise when they return.

    I would appreciate any ideas or comments.

  2. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    May 19, 2007
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    Massachusetts, USA
    So don't pay any mind to comments for or against the storyline.

    I don't see a plausible way they would end up in the beds, but they could be asleep on the floor due to the anasthetic gas trap. However, it's your story, so if you come up with a scenario that yould leave them sufficiently at ease to crawl into strange beds, it will all come down to how well you write it as to whether it is believable.
  3. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Nov 21, 2006
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    Coquille, Oregon
    ditto all that!... cog says it so well, i can't add a thing...

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