1. JetBlackGT
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    JetBlackGT Contributing Member

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    Grief and depression are different.

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by JetBlackGT, Dec 18, 2014.

    I have found it to be incredibly difficult to write during depressing times of my life. Breakups, moving (don't get me started on how much I hate moving), etc..

    But writing through grief has been cake. My father died yesterday and writing a tribute to him and what he meant to me, who he was, how he acted... that was simple. The words flowed and I hardly had to edit at all.

    Twice I was worried I'd ruin my laptop by crying salty tears all over it but I learned that someone can write with their eyes closed, just as well.

    I suppose what I am saying is to pour you feelings into your work when someone close to you passes. Don't feel guilty about putting your feelings on Facebook and breaking your friend's hearts with your words. It is real and helpful and not shallow or trite.

    Tell the important people first. Like let's not have your brother finding out that mom died, because of your post on FB. I feel I don't need to tell many of you that, but this is the world of texting...
     
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  2. theoriginalmonsterman
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    theoriginalmonsterman Pickle Contest Administrator Contributor

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    You had me and then you lost me. Not trying to be rude, but aren't making sense of what you're trying to prove here. I do feel bad for your loss though. May your father rest in peace.
     
  3. daemon
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    daemon Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well, the title of your post is certainly correct, and this statement is evidence that you are very familiar with the difference. Grief is a reaction, and often, the way people react to something is by writing. Depression is not a reaction, but a deficiency in neurological activity, and one of its many symptoms is the loss of enthusiasm for something, especially a creative endeavor like writing.
     
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  4. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    I am sorry for your loss, @JetBlackGT . And glad that writing about it has helped you get through the shock of it.

    I just read an article this morning about writing and mental health, and it made the point that writing about a traumatic event can help you put it into perspective ...put it to rest, in a manner of speaking. This is very healthy. Apparently there have been studies done that show that people who write ...even blogs, letters, whatever ...tend to be mentally and physically more healthy for having done so.

    There is something to be said for putting your feelings into words, by writing. However, as you hinted in your post, the act of writing itself is the catalyst for release. Who SEES your writing is another thing entirely. Do be careful what you post on Facebook!
     
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  5. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I'm sorry for your loss, but it's also good to hear writing has helped you.

    I agree with @jannert , writing can be very therapeutic. This is why it saddened me so much to read some writers' and publishers' attitudes towards rape narratives. Maybe they'd make an exception with a story that discussed it in a non-glued-on way, but then again, I don't know if they even care enough to read that far. I find it somehow... dismissive, like rape has, as a topic, become really mundane. Like saying we shouldn't write about death anymore because it's trite and has been done too many times. I don't know. To me it feels like a sucker-punch in the abdomen.

    Anyway. Keep on writing if it helps, and if you decide to share your writing with others, remember that it might really help someone else to deal with their loss.

    And yeah, depression and grief are quite different. There are similar symptoms, but at least you'll know grief will eventually pass. Hang tough!
     
  6. SwampDog
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    SwampDog Contributing Member

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    Many of us have been through this experience. The fact that you've posted so early on in the process demonstrates a rational brain which sees the therapeutic value in talking about an issue.

    Too often those grieving are left in the cold because others either don't know what to say, or don't want to intrude. Nothing could be further from the truth.

    You've brought your feelings out in the open. I admire your post.
     
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  7. JetBlackGT
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    JetBlackGT Contributing Member

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    Since my Dad had Parkinson's, I mentioned that in the narrative. It was shocking how many of my friends were currently living with a "Parkinson's parent". My words seemed to help them a bit and my only advice applies to everyone in or lives; not just PD sufferers. Here is the text of that thread:
    **************************************************************************************

    My father died this morning.

    Just after noon today, December 16, 2014. He fought Parkinson's for longer than his body could stand and it finally caught up to him. His healthy body prevented his disease from killing him, a long time ago, but I wish, selfishly, that he had been able to fight it even longer.

    I'm glad that I got to see him before he died and to tell him that I love him. I wanted to make certain that when he died I did not regret never telling him [fill-in-the-blank]. So even though I am sad, there was nothing left that I needed to tell him. I am grateful for that because I hear about so many other people who left things unsaid or apologies unspoken.

    I have never been angry at a disease before. A lot of diabetics hate their diabetes. They want to scream from the top of a mountain, how much they hate it. I never cared at all. But now?

    I hate Parkinson's.

    It took my father's memories and his thoughts and replaced them with either delusions and terror or confusion and using the wrong words to try to say what he meant.

    He spent his life like we all do. Accruing these amazing memories and stories. But at the end they were taken away from him.

    But not all of them. Two weeks ago, he knew where I worked and asked me about my car and if I still loved it. He asked about my writing and told the staff, all the time, that that was what I did. I am glad my dad told them because I was not sure he understood that I had finally found what I was meant to do and I wanted him to be proud of me.

    It would have been good if I had started soon enough that he could have read some of my stuff but really? His illness is one of many things which really spurred me on. His illness showed me that we DO NOT always have all the time in the world. Some of us don't know that we don't have much of a tomorrow because maybe that bus that's going to run us down is fueling up right now at a station in Wyoming.

    My dad was a fighter pilot and an instructor. He tested planes and weapons in Nevada at NWEF and he was a genius. He was a brilliant man and I never heard him criticize anyone. He was delightfully weird and clever, witty and kind.

    He was also an expert sleeper. In that way, Parkinson's really suited him. He slept most of every day there at the end. Parkinson's and its attending medications put you out a lot. The thing he said about it was, "At least it doesn't hurt."

    And I can agree with him. That part is a blessing. It *is* painless. Physically
     

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