1. JetMasta
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    JetMasta Member

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    He opened his eye's.

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by JetMasta, Dec 30, 2010.

    I have come to a point in my writing, where a character (lets call him John) wakes to find another character (lets call him Paul) running about his home. John then realize's that some of his limbs are missing, John and paul get acquainted and disscuss the lost limb's and John's memory loss. The place there are in get's set on fire and they have to make a 'get away'.

    Now the issue I am having, is the beggining of this chapter. The only way I can think of starting it off is- 'He opened his eye's'. How ever, I dont like it. It's cliché and dull.

    Any suggestions on how to open up with somthing different?
    Much thanks.

    XD
     
  2. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Maybe write it from Paul's POV? Paul sees John unconsious and wakes him up by dumping water on his face or giving him some smelling salts (really foul smelling salts)?

    Then the story could jump back and forth from Paul's POV and John's POV.
     
  3. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    How about his other senses kicking in before sight for example:

    A sweet perfume smell wafts around his nose. It is an unfamiliar smell. He sleepily rolls over, his eyes opening slowly to investigate when there is a noise. His eyes rip open and he tries to sit bolt upright. He can't what the hell.
     
  4. JetMasta
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    JetMasta Member

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    Thanks. You have given me some brain food, which I certainly will NomNom.
    XD
     
  5. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    first of all, you need to learn what apostrophes are used for... and what they're not used for...

    in re waking, there's no good reason to go into 'eyes' [no ' unless it's possessive] or other body parts... you can simply say 'he woke up' or whatever...
     
  6. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Maia is right. Watch out for the grocer's apostrophe.
     

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