1. Maggieway
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    Maggieway New Member

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    Heart of Thorne

    Discussion in 'Query & Cover Letter Critique' started by Maggieway, Nov 22, 2016.

    Queries are subjective, I completely get that.
    I've taken the basic elements of most successful queries I have seen (of course there are some inclusions that can be argued against, including the comparisons section), so let me know what you think!

    The main question is - would this make you want to read on?

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    Dear Agent,


    A chance to rekindle the love between the innocent Mia, and the wealthy but complicated Bastien, leads to an explosive affair that threatens them both.

    A dream job baking cakes for her café, a nice apartment in Chicago, an awesome roommate and best friend all sum up 22-year-old Mia Winters’ life. Despite her fabulous life, she is still haunted by images of the beautiful boy she met two years earlier, a boy she loved like no other. Not willing to see him, yet unwilling to forget their connection, Mia is content to ponder what could have been—until he unexpectedly walks right back into her life.

    Brilliant, beautiful, intimidating Bastien Thorne is the only man Mia’s never been able to shake off. Now he’s back in town, except this time as an engaged man. While his future and fortune rides on his impending marriage, he’s desperate to win Mia back amidst the devastating secret that tore them apart all those years ago.

    When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical and illicit affair, Mia discovers Bastien’s secrets and has to decide once and for all if she is prepared to risk the dangerous consequences of being the other woman.

    I enjoyed reading about your profile on your website and your wishlist of ‘Gutwrenching hot romance (or whatever they have quoted specifically romance wise)’ really clicked for me. That’s what I’m seeking—a passionate agent for my contemporary erotic romance novel HEART OF THORNE, complete at 78,000 words.

    Readers who enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey will enjoy HEART OF THORNE. It embraces the same provocative romance and daring sexual tension, without the BDSM overtones.

    I have six novellas published through Amazon (with an average rating of 4.4 stars); with Entangle Me – Sydney earning Bestseller in the Short Stories category. Having published the first installment in May 2016, I have an actively growing platform which includes 10,000 mailing list subscribers, 1,700 Facebook Page Fans and 500 Twitter Followers. I am also a member of Critique Circle. My content editor, Tracy Vincent, helped me extensively revise my manuscript.

    Thank you for your time. Per submission guidelines, I have included the first XXX pages. I look forward to hearing from you.

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