1. Bunnii
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    Bunnii New Member

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    Help me build on my plot

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Bunnii, Apr 14, 2013.

    Just an Idea

    Set in the mid Georgian Era, around about 1785.

    A young middle class man, no older the 20 is hired to work for a higher class family, one of the richest in England. He is hired to work as a stable hand, gardener and general care taker of the mansions vast grounds. The family consists of five children, two young boys aged 9 they are twins, two older girls, one is 17 the other is 18, and a babe. The young man, on arrival falls in love with the eldest daughter and she falls in love with him. But in those times a love like that was not meant to be. She walks with him while he is ok on gardening duty’s, goes riding whenever he is on stable duty and one day while out for one of their walks/In the stable, they find themselves kissing. That grows and turns into constant meetings, excuses to no end to spend more time together. But like we said, Love like this was not meant to be. A young handsome man from her mothers friends family, her eldest son. He is here to win her heart, and marry her. An arranged marriage of course. She must go along with it and pretend, the poor man truly believes that she loves him. She continues to meet with the stable hand, hardly but it is enough. But no good thing lasts forever. The wealthy man spots her with him, kissing, holding hands and laughing. He becomes angry. He confronts her about it and she promises to stop. She lies, she continues to see the stable hand. She is spotted again, the wealthy man is distraught. He tells her that if she does not stop, he will kill the boy. She is scared, upset and so very scared. She runs to tell the stable hand who then tells her to run away with him, that way they can be together. She accepts, he tells her to bring only what is necessary, she gathers the things. Just a they get to the stable to ride away though, the wealthy man is waiting for them. With a gun, he argues with her and the stable hand, he becomes upset and angry, going to shoot the boy. She runs to block the bullet, the shot killing her. The stable hand falls to the ground with his beloveds corps and begs the man to finish it, to kill him as well so he can be with her, and he does. They lay in each others arms, finally together at last, in death.

    Please tell me what you think and what I could do to improve !
     
  2. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    Is this a short? Or do you really want help expanding this into a book?

    Looks like you have the plot ofr a novel abeit done a squillion times - what makes it unique? Where are the sub-plots? Where are the twists? Maybe this is what you want help with...

    Welcome by the way - you are in the right place
     
  3. Bunnii
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    Bunnii New Member

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    Yes that is what I mean.

    This is just the baisic plot but I haven't a clue on what to add, twist wise. Thats what I need help with. :)
     
  4. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    Oh dear... basically you don't have an awful lot. Stableboy falls for the heiress, they have an affair in the stable untill her suiitor finds out and kills them both. I think you need to ask yourself why you are writing this story. What is the attraction? What are your strong points? Romance/tragedy/the era?

    What does the father do? How is he so rich? Has he any dirty deals that are coming back to haunt him? Does he love his family or is he too busy working to take much notice? Does his wife feel lonely enough to bang the stableboy too? Look for conflicts - mother and daughter after the same illicit affair? What does the suitor do? Is he in business with dad and that's why he's the preferred future husband? Why doesn't she love him? Is he a bad egg? What do the siblings do? Did one catch her 'making hay' in the stable and blackmail her? How did the suitor find out?

    Who is your target audience? Where are your bandaries? Are you going for a 50 Shades Of Hay? (sorry couldn't resist)

    Looks like you have a bit of figuring this out but you will get lots of help here :)
     
  5. Bunnii
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    Bunnii New Member

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    I am writing purly because I love to write, I love the era so I went for that.

    You could say I was going for a Romantic Tragedy.

    How about ..

    The 17 year old daughter, could have caught her older sister with the stable hand and snitched to the suitor. Maybe she likes the stable boy hence why she does it, so that she can have him for herself. She flirts with him but he only eer gives her blunt answere and the cold shoulder. She becomes insanly jelouse and does her best to prevent them from meeting, and continues to tip off the suitor whenever she sees them together. Their father could be off in war, or could have been lost to the war ?
     
  6. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    was there a war in 1875? Probably but that's a main character out of your story already. Unless it leaves mom to her devices' what does she get up to?

    I'm thinking your a Jane Austin fan or you've just met Heathcliffe.

    You need a lot more than two main characters in love, a jealous sister and a pissed off suitor. Look for the bigger picture
     
  7. Bunnii
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    Bunnii New Member

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    Big Jane Austin fan .. heh

    Bigger picture ... that will take a while .. um ooh. Scrap the war thing, her father is addicted to alchohol and his wifeorrows money from the suitors family, and they are in masses of debt, they come to an agreement that the suitor marrying the eldest daughter will settle the debts, they go a head with it but the girl refuses as she is in love with the stable hand.

    any better ?
     
  8. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    How far are you in this story? Just start writing it and see what happens. Get to know your characters. They might bring some of their friends or inform you of some other issues that are stirring.
     
  9. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    getting there - don't forget to tell us why the suitor is so jealous he shoots them both. He hardly knows her either if the marriage is arranged. Also why is the family who are owed the money willing to take the daughter as payment? Is he an only child? Horribly disfigured, so much so he can't get his own women? Is he gay and they need a daughter-in-law for appearance sake or this is their best way to secure an eventual heir for their money?

    Keep thinking :)

    it will take a while. I'd imagine if I concentrated on my book and worked non stop on it, it would take me a year - that's after I have the basis for the plot, sub plots and side stories. I doubt your book will be on the shelves by the summer so relax, look forward to it and enjoy it.
     
  10. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    A story concept means nothing. What matters is how you write it: the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it.

    There's absolutely no benefit in asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..."

    If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it.

    Please read What is Plot Creation and Development?. That will give you a starting point for carrying the idea through to a story.
     
  11. Bunnii
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    Bunnii New Member

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    Ok thank you :3
     
  12. sanco
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    sanco Contributing Member

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    The plot seems quite basic and the concept is something I feel I've seen done many times before. Forbidden love, rich girl in love with a poor boy, the wealthy man she is forced to marry. Maybe it would work, like Cogito said, if we saw a sample of your writing. I would suggest you think about what makes this story unique to all the other forbidden love stories. Thematically, stylistically, etc.
     
  13. oliviajs411
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    oliviajs411 New Member

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    It's more like the ending story of Romeo and Juliet, except that there's no jealous suitor. How about the mother disagrees with her eldest daughter and the stableman's relationship and they find themselves stuck in financial hardships like they're a type of a middle class family and they're about to lose their house or something because of a huge debt caused by the father so the only way to save it is to marry a wealthy guy from a noble family. The rest is up to you.

    Writing a twisted plot is more than just writing the basics of the story. It includes research and creative thinking. You can do it! :)
     

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