1. krazie_chink
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    krazie_chink New Member

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    Help me correct this sentence structure

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by krazie_chink, Mar 20, 2013.

    DARPA, "The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency is an agency of the United States Department of Defense responsible for the development of new technologies for use by the military", uses data mining to detect terrorism.

    My TA wrote SVO which stands for subject-verb-object (wrong sentence structure) I'm not sure how to fix this sentence.
     
  2. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Have you thought about making two sentences out of it?

    Your quote marks are misplaced and/or you don't need them.
    You need another comma.
    You have two verbs and neither is clearly in a subordinate clause.

    I'd say more but we're not supposed to do your homework for you. ;)
     
  3. krazie_chink
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    krazie_chink New Member

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    If I were to paraphrase the definition of DARPA would that make the sentence work?
     
  4. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Make it into two sentences and let's see what you do with it.
     
  5. SwampDog
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    SwampDog Contributing Member

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    Depends on how you paraphrased it and followed advice already given.

    You can remove the quotes, remove the first verb, put the acronym in brackets where the first verb was - followed by a comma, and voilĂ . That's one suggestion, short of writing it out for you. :D
     
  6. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    The usual form would be:
    The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) is an agency of the United States Department of Defense responsible for the development of new technologies for use by the military. It uses data mining to detect terrorism.
     
  7. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    DARPA, "The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency is an agency of the United States Department of Defense responsible for the development of new technologies for use by the military", uses data mining to detect terrorism.


    first of all, what are those quotation marks doing there?... is part of that sentence supposed to be a direct quote from some source?...

    next, it makes no sense, thanks to that 'is' stuck in there before 'an'... take that and the " " out, add a comma after the title and it's an okay sentence:

    see?

    that said, it is on the long side, so can certainly be divvied up into two sentences, if you want...
     
  8. krazie_chink
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    krazie_chink New Member

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    @mammamaia I use quotation marks over there because it was a direct quote from a source. I guess I miss use the quotations. Thanks for helping me clarify this.

    thanks everyone for the suggestions. Madhoca/mammamaia thanks for replying with an example; now I can correct my other errors similar to this one.
     
  9. Darkhorse
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    I would phrase it like this:

    If you like, you can still paraphrase the quoted part.

    I like to introduce long names or agencies once then make acronyms or one-word references from then on. Whatever I refer to them I put in quotation marks in brackets next to the long name. Some universities have different standards regarding this.
     
  10. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    parenthetical acronym doesn't need " "... and for publication in the US, the period at the end goes inside the " "...

    if you're using a direct quote [and i don't see why you have to with that basic info], you'll need to cite the source...
     

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